Confessions of Love (Madelyn, Closed, Mature)

[Jonathan Winters *Deceased*]

It was early in a Friday Morning. Something internal clicked, and Jonathan's eyes were open. He was alone, and it was five o' clock, exactly. Quickly rousing himself, just his boxers on, he took a step onto the cool carpet, feeling it chill through him, but paying it no mind, taking a few more steps, as he made his way to the bathroom. The lion was hard, but because it was in stress, in need of relieving itself. Routine, in other words, nothing to be frightened of. The boxers fell away, as he stepped towards the toilet, picking up the seat. Aiming, he fired, thinking about the past few days. Meeting Madelyn. That first night they'd met. Phae. The ring. And the little preperations.. but, today was the day he'd been preparing for. He'd asked Madelyn if she'd like to come with him to a place just beyond Arcane Academy, between there and Babylos. There was a little bit of sadness in his eyes. He had to tell her, today about his.. 'lifespan'. .. And basing on her reactions, he'd determine whether or not.. 'to ask her'. Limping, the lion coughed, and Jonathan cleaned it up, flushing. Next, the shower. It was all routine.. but his heart was pounding.

Into the shower. Cold water. Taking a shampoo bottle, he took his time, letting it go through his hair, lathering it, letting his hands go through it, cleaning it throughly, before washing it off. His body didn't feel so tense, telling him to take it easy today. Grabbing the soap bar, he brought it up to his face, letting it lather, outside of the shower's pouring, before rubbing it into the rest of his face, going underneath his head, his neck, his fingers checking everywhere. Running the water onto his chest, he stepped out of the way of the water again, pressing the soap bar across his chest, letting it gather up, slathering it across himself, putting down the soap bar in its holder. His hands, his hands began to rub onto his chest, soaping himself down, making sure he got it through. Toned. Muscles were strong. Had to be strong for her.. always in his mind, panging at himself to be strong for her, to be ready to protect her, if need be. He held his fingers in front of him, staring at them, his eyes, glinting. But he wanted especially to touch her again, to touch her hand, just to hold her in his arms. But that just an urge, and urges didn't accomplish anything. Rinsing off, he reached for the soap bar again, this time rubbing it just into his hands, putting it back down, developing a good lather, as he stepped away, yet again from the water, and slowly began to massage into his scrotum. He took care, making sure it was slow, as it travelled higher and higher, the lion becoming more and more rigid, until he patted it's head. For a while, he held it there, in his hands. He'd just reminisiced, blanking out.. remembering.. that feeling. Feelings that were growing stronger for her every day. His hand went up and down it, rubbing it clean, but the lion also purring.. becoming even more rigid.. Memories... memories of that night. His hands fell away. They weren't even married yet. Wasn't that a sin? .. But.. providing she accepted.. it wouldn't be, any longer, anyways. Bending down, he went to soap his legs, down to his feet, finishing it up. Satisfied, pumped in the faucet, turning off the water.

A cold draft was always unwelcome, as he opened the glass door, but he'd gotten used to it.. or at least, liked to think that he'd gotten used to it. Grabbing a towel, he brought down his head, rubbing it throughly through, rubbing into it, drying it off as best as he could. Shaking his head into the towel, he let it go over one last time, before finally going over to dry the rest of his body off. His long hair. Something he'd never cut. But, he cast that out of his mind, quickly drying off his legs, wrapping it around his waist, as he went over to the sink. His right hand found the toothbrush out of habit, his left hand squirting onto the brush about a centimeter of paste. Letting it go through water, he put it into his mouth, the busy sounds of brushing going on.. quietly spitting it out, rinsing himself, letting it go, as he put away the toothbrush, taking to the floss, scraping out the dirt, rinsed his mouth again, then, used some scope, and rinsed out his mouth again.

Deodarent was applied. And then.. his hand then reached back for.. a little bottle. Cologne. He eyed it. A gift from a friend, Private First Class Quitin Jacobs. Where was he now? A dab onto his wrist, he rubbed it onto his neck, and onto his other wrist.

Walking into his living room, he pulled up a chair, his clothes already laid out. Looking at it, he went back, to hang his towel, sliding on his boxers.. put on a fresh pair of jeans, a wife beater, and a short-sleeved shirt to go over it. Going over to the fridge, he pulled out the icebox, already pre-stored, last night, with various drinks, various fresh fruits, bologna, turkey, and ham cold cuts. Closing the fridge, he opened up the freezer and shoved in some ice into the ice box, filling it to the brim, snapping it shut. A night with a lot of prepared items.. in the duffel bag, already, a loaf of bread, various condiments, a sealed up little black plastic ball, used for storing things, the sleeping bag, some small pillows, and a little black case, strapped to the side. Jonathan smoothed his hand over the box, tapping it slightly, eying it strangely, before standing up. He looked himself over. Jeans, belt, short-sleeved shirt, and even a wife beater, underneath. It was going to be warm.. but, it was cold right now. He'd take it off, later.

All set, and with his knife in his left pocket as always, his right hand went slung the duffel bag over it, and the ice box. Opening the door with his left hand, he turned back, getting the key, locking it up. God really made it so easy.. her dormitory just right across from his own. His left hand then ratted against it.. "oh gib mir Kraft"

Knock

Knock

Knock

[madelyn]

The small bell sounded within the dark quiet room but Madelyn had been awake for hours looking up at the stars. A blanket around her as she sat in the window seat curled up just staring up at them. They were beautiful of course and they were always there. She had fallen asleep here last night curled up around a pillow that she had wished was none other than the love of her life. But maybe one day that would change and one day she would be able to sleep next to him every night not just every so often.

The blonde sat up her stomach queezy once more but at least now she knew the reason why. She had gone to the doctor and he had told her of her condition and she couldn't be happier nor more nervous about anything in her life. She pressed the button silently on the back of her clock and turned on the small bedside lamp by touch. It brightened..once .. twice.. three times was the brightest. Her room was cast in the soft glow of the lamp and in her soft cotton pjs she moved over to her closet trying to decide what to wear. It was a special day for her. Not only because today Jonathan was coming to take her out. To see the sunset rise in the sky like it had risen in her life since his arrival. But also to spend the day together.

Never, had they been on a date and she was excited. But nervous too because she would tell him. Tell him today why she had been ill lately. Why the last time he saw her she felt bad not being able to eat much and drinking a bit. She looked up at her clothes and decided on jeans and a button down purple shirt that was short sleeved and a tank top underneath leaving it unbuttoned except across her stomach the white tank top underneat shown over her bust tightly. She slipped a black belt around her waist for looks alone with a silver buckle. She went to a small box on her bed side table and pulled out a small necklace that had a white gold music note hanging from it. She slipped it on around her neck and attached the clasp. She sat down on the edge of her bed that had remained made during the night the soft covers of white looked like snow but felt like feathers. She picked up her white tennis shoes and after slipping her socks on she slipped the shoes on and tied her shoes tightly double knotting them just in case.

She stood up and ran a brush through her hair gently taking all the tangles out and returning it to it's silky smoothe lengths that ran straight down her back. She was going to leave it down today. She wanted to look a little different and most of the time she put her hair up in a pony tail but today the platinum locks fell down to her waist. She parted it to the right with a smoothe motion of her hand and considered herself ready. Now.. the worst part the waiting part. She stood in front of her window and fed Mariko her pet canary. The little bird began to sing happily and Madelyn couldn't help but smile. She looked up once more at the stars and sighed. Would the sun still rise in her world tomorrow once she told him why she was ill?

Knock Knock Knock.

She jumped at the sudden noise and then smiled knowing exactly who it was. She turned and smiled as she picked up her flute just in case she needed it or he wanted to hear her play. He seemed to enjoy her music and she didn't mind playing for him. She turned off her small lamp and made her way through the dark room to the door and opened it smiling brightly for the white haired man on the other side. She hugged him around the waist tightly inhaling his sweet scent for a moment as she stood there. It had to be several mintues before she pulled back but she always wanted to make the most of any moments they had. She smiled up at him as she closed her door and took his free hand. She smiled up at him and gave him a wink with her right eye as if to say
-I'm ready.-

Even though they spoke to each other they still never spoke much both for different reasons but it worked for them because they could read the emotions in each other's eyes. She squeezed his hand again and her face fell for only a second as she fought off a wave of nausea before brightening again. She nodded -Let's go-

[Jonathan Winters *Deceased*]

His eyes waited.. patiently, yet impatiently, when the door opened, and there she was. Jonathan's eyes did a double-take, his heart fluttering slightly. There she was. Standing at the door, slightly taken a back, by how.. lovely she looked. Her arms came around his waist, his open left arm going over her back, letting his face dive down onto the top of her head, taking in the familiar scent, that enchanted him so much. He hugged her, just having missed her for the time they'd spent apart, just missing her. Nuzzling into her a little, he reluctantly let her go of her hand, as she locked the door behind her, grabbing his left hand, looking at him. That look in her eyes.. his smiled back with his. 'Okay'. However.. she began to squeeze his hand, Jonathan's eyes flickering at, as he let her squeeze away, until the slightly discomforted look on her face passed. His eyes showed concern, making him want to double back into his room for some medicine, but she looked at him again, that brightness in her eyes. 'Alright.' But he paused, not going at all, but only just for a moment, as he looked into her eyes again. Beautiful. She'd taken the time to get ready for him.. he rested his head slightly, on her right shoulder, just leaning sideways for a moment, feeling her warmth. A purple shirt, a white tank top, jeans.. such a fitting necklace for his musically adept Madelyn. The effort she took for him.. it made him want to.. ...How was he going to tell her? His left hand gripped tighter on hers for a moment, as he stepped in front of her, his eyes, just, gazing in front of her. 'Your beautiful.' Standing there, just for a moment, almost feeling as though his face was growing closer to hers. But he stopped, his eyes closing, as he gave her a smile. And with that, he went to her side, his hands on hers, firmly, but not tightly.

Quietly, he led her down the hall, a little briskness in his walk, but slow enough so that she could keep up with him. There was barely anyone up, at this time of day, his eyes flicking over to her, as they strode on, down the steps, and into the main hallway that led out into the front of the school. Just walking. With her. As they burst into the open air, he smiled broadly, looking at her. There was still a ways to go, but, not too long. But.. he looked at her. His right arm felt slightly tired.. but she wasn't heavy. As he recalled from the first time they'd.. 'met', she was light as a feather.. an Angel's feather, he thought, grinning at her. He wanted her.. to enjoy the fresh air, without straining herself. If she was feeling slightly ill, after all.. ".. L-let m-me c-carry y-you th-the r-rest o-of th-the w-way, Madelyn." he said, eyeing her. Today was to be special.. because he was with her. Because of what he was going to do today. Because... every day had been special, ever since he'd first met her. Nodding slightly, he bent down slightly, his left hand letting go of her hand, sliding behind her, as he let her rest on his bicep, his hands travelling down her legs, as he suddenly scooped her up, his left hand coming down, even with the ice box and the duffel bag, and held the lower part of her leg, letting her lean herself, curled up against him. Pausing for a moment, he smiled at her, one last time, before he thought to himself again, focusing.

The world became blue again. Nodding in front, as if to himself, his steps quietly made their way forward and further. Step by step, onto the gravel, until he stepped out of the pathway, and onto grass, the trees decorating the front. There was a briskness in his walk, and he felt suddenly energized. His cross jumping up and down inside his shirt, as he strode on, faster and faster, his feet carefully picking up, gingerly walking, so that the bumps in the walking became all but nothing, not breaking a single blade of grass, and making for a quick, but peaceful rest for Madelyn. His eyes travelled around, watching as the natural beauty around them grew more and more, as trees began to grow in larger chunks, and the grass began to grow taller, so that it would tickle Madelyn's back. Holding her up higher still, brushing against the grass became unavoidable, but, it was not unpleasant. Music was playing. The sonnete of the leaves falling down from the trees, the wistful winds crossing over, playing various melodies, as soft as a creeping thrush hunting for its food. Jonathan's eyes grew larger, seemingly excited, the place growing more and more closer. Time and time again.. he had come here, one of the last few times, not only just to relax.. but to attempt to console his first and only friend, Rosenrot Phaedra Weiss. Glad.. glad he was that this time.. it was among the happiest of circumstances. His feet quit, for a moment, stopping in, looking around, looking down at her.. just listening to the symphonies at work. And then.. there. The tree.

Faster and faster, his feet travelled, but not enough to jostle Madelyn. Until.. he stopped. "We-we're here." The place.. was still dark, yet to be illuminated.. but that wouldn't be long. Quietly bending down, by the opening of grass, around the tree, he set down Madelyn, quietly putting down the ice box and the duffel bag. Bending down, he unzipped the bag, pulling out the sleeping bags. With a throw of his hands, he flung it out, laying it flat, going over it, to flatten it down, to rest its head by the tree. Satisfied, he went over to the bag again, pulling out two pillows, and throwing them out, a blanket following, soon after. It was almost time.. Jonathan slowly went over to Madelyn, closing his eyes, as he faced her. His hands travelled up, fingers poised, slightly bent. With utmost care and gingerness, they slowly hovered above her, for a moment, before creeping onto her, slowly, slowly travelling down her face, feeling every curvature, the eyes, the beautiful eyes, travelling for a moment to the side, to her hair.. she'd let it down. My God.. how beautiful she was, like that, just naturally looking like that. Down to her neck, slowly down to her sides, and onto her her hips, as his eyes slowly opened, and he saw the most beautiful woman in the world. He slowly bent over to her.. to the kind soul he'd bound himself to.. but just then.. the light shown on her face, and he whirled around, backing up slightly, his back towards the tree.

Sunrise.

Quietly, his arms wrapped around her waist, as he rested his head on her shoulders, so that they could look at the sun together. It rose up, gently, above the clouds, over the curvature of the earth, slowly making its way, as the leaves began to brighten, the morning mildew quickly beginning to disappear under its powerful, yet majestic rays. The winds picked up, as if dancing to the morning sun, which lit up the world around them, no longer concealed behind the clouds, but showing itself, in all its glory. Quietly, Jonathan prayed, thanking God for this.. this moment. His eyes.. changed over to her. And he smiled. He smiled because he was so happy. Because he loved her so much, forgetting for a moment the darkness, as the sun showed her, radiated her in its light, showing her in all her beauty, her beautiful soul, her kindness, and this deeper thing that Jonathan only knew.. but could not describe. His eyes closed, the smile on his face. "... I-it's a-a b-beautiful su-sunrise... i-it's a-a b-beautiful su-sunrise..." And he didn't mean the sun. He ment the dawn of his world, the rays of a new time, where he felt reborn in the passion and feelings that he had for her.. he ment something that was so much more beautiful then the largeness of the ball that warmed their world. He ment about the girl that warmed up his world.

".. It's a beautiful sunrise."

[madelyn]

Her arms around the waist of her angel she never felt happier. This was where she belonged. There was no where else in her life that she belonged in the entire world than with him. Immediatly she felt wonderful. Elated. A heavenly aura surrounded him and when he put his arm around her and began to nuzzle into her she sighed happily. It seemed he had missed her too and it felt good to be missed by someone. Since moving here her foster family had made no contact but truthfully she didn't mind. It didn't matter they had never been that close the silent girl very hard to get to know. All except for Jonathan who could and did accomplish that with ease. The way they clicked with no problem. Speaking with their eyes. Showing and feeling what they felt for each other lost in the depths of their eyes instead of their words with they both found lacking. For several long minutes Madelyn nuzzled into the soft fabric of his tshirt and inahled his scent. She wanted this scent next to her every night. She wanted it to be the first thing she took in when she woke and the last thing she remembered before drifting off into her dreams.

She looked up at him ready to go once her bout of nausea was passed finally. She smiled gently but there was something in his eyes that made her stay where she was. First a flicker of concern but then replaced by acceptance. He would know soon enough why she was ill and then she would either be alone once more yet living in a world so much darker than before. There would never be another sunrise in her life if he would not accept her again. She closed her eyes as he leaned against her for a moment clearing those thoughts out of her mind. He had to accept her. She was his wings and no angel could fly without them. And true too was the fact that without her angel she was all but useless. A pair of wings with no purpose fly aimlessly in life. She felt the gentle squeeze on her hand and her eyes opened as he moved around in front of her. She looked directly into his eyes. When the saying 'the eyes are the windows to the soul' was created they must have had someone like Jonathan in mind. His years of repressed emotions had allowed him to show such feelings in a different way and he had chosen his eyes. Same as she but she also used touch. More than most people she was a 'toucher' she used it to convey to show her feelings. But for her and Jonathan their eyes were enough. Right now his eyes were intense. The way they looked at her. It made her blush. She couldn't put a finger on the exact phrase he was trying to convey but the feeling and the emotion was there and her face turned red. She returned his smile and she reached up cupping his cheek gently just reveling in the soft skin on his face. He moved back to her side and the contact on her hand was broken as she looked up at him and nodded. She was ready.

Hand in hand they walked. His pace was fast for her but she kept up well enough. Only having to walk as fast as she could but she didn't mind. To keep up with him she would do anything. She wanted to be beside him. She wanted to walk beside him forever and to feel his presence. This was her future. Jonathan and Madelyn together. Every now and then her violet blue yes filled to the brim with happiness would look up at him. Checking on him. Not to make sure he wasn't ill more to just make sure that this was real. That God had really given her such a beatiful gift. And it was. The hand in hers. His scent. His presence. Jonathan. He was real. Outside it was dark still. She loved the dark but she knew that sunrise wouldn't be too far away. The stars already beginning to disappear in the sky she said a silent goodbye as she looked over at Jonathan to see a bright smile on his face. She returned it. She loved watching his smile it was beautiful and it filled his face with an inner light that made his beauty ethereal.

Her eyes opened wide when he said he wanted to carry her. But why? Well she had to admit she was slow she wasn't used to walking. And she knew that if they walked a long distance that she would never be able to keep up and would indeed slow him down. Perhaps that was why. But truthfully she didn't care. Why? Because to be in his arms was Heaven on Earth and she would do just about anything to be in them. She smiled up at him and nodded as he let go of her hand and picked her up effortlessly it seemed. She was thankful he was strong and that he trained. For though she was a thin girl there was some weight not much but some. He cradled her to his chest and she immediatly closed her eyes feeling the instant comfort that the wonderful angel gave her just by touch alone. She nuzzled into him gently and her right hand came up to lay flat on his clothed chest her thumb carressing him gently by rubbing back and forth so slowly to let him know.. know that she loved him.. that she was here.. that he was her world.

Her eyes still closed she didn't see the world turn blue. Not that she would have minded. No she was in the arms of the man that loved her. She couldn't care if the world turned orange. Orange was a beautiful color if seen from the arms of Jonathan. Black.. yep .. pure beauty. The world was pure beauty. A gem in the universe. A sapphire in the black setting. Beauty .. it was what her world had turned into after meeting this man. Her thumb continued to stroke his chest gently. She was here. She loved him. He needed to know. The grass began to brush her back but in such a state of relaxation she didn't care everything was soothing everything was perfect. He lifted her up higher in his arms and her hand rose now brushing the soft taut skin over the collar bone. She nuzzled into his shoulder now her lips moving forward only slightly and kissing his neck. Gently.. ever so gently she kissed his neck before settling down again. And soon the blades of the high grass touched her again and her eyes slid open watching the beauty pass them by. She looked up at him when he stopped and she smiled at him sweetly as he looked down at her. She reached up and carressed his cheek for a moment before she let her hand run back behind his ear tucking his hair behind it gently. One of his favorite moves and one she loved to do. The soft feel of his beautiful white hair was more than soft. It was like heaven above had spun the fallen feathers of the angels into pure silk and gifted their newest angel with the hair of that silk.

Walking again and she settled back into him. Her hand resuming its soft stroking of his chest. Her loving reminder. Her loving touch. Trying to press into it the emotions that were running through her body by being in his arms alone. They hadn't even kissed yet but they would.. she would kiss him. She would show him all day how much she loved him. Small things touch.. scent.. feel.. love.. Love. She heard his voice say that they had arrived and she looked around. A large tree stood surrounded by much shorter grass than that which they had been walking through. She smiled. Beauty. Pure natural beauty. Untouched by humans. Unaltered by anything but nature alone. It was perfect.

Jonathan bent down gently and set her down softly. She helped by jumping down the last distance not wanting him to strain himself in the least. Her stomach turned at the jump she put her hand on it and leaned against the tree trying not to let the discomfort show on her face. Her eyes closed so that they too betrayed nothing only her hand on her stomach showed anything and even it was not very conclusive. Once the wave passed she opened her eyes carefully a smile stretching across her face as she watched Jonathan roll out the sleeping bags. She wanted to help but she didn't know what to do so she just watched. Could they be camping today. She suddenly took inventory of the surroundings. Nature, sleeping bags, cooler of..food?, bag of .. things, it.. it looked like on tv. Her eyes went wide as she looked at him and a happy bright smile crossed her face. Camping!! With the sleeping bags set complete with pillows he came to her and she looked up into his eyes with a smile.

His hands came up. And most would think the previously abused girl would cringe but no. Not from him. Not from her angel. Those eyes. So soft and beautiful. So loving and caring. His fingers.. they touched her face. Carressing as if he had missed her so much he had to memorize her for next time. For the next time they parted as if he would forget. She would never forget. Never.. the way he smelled the way he looked and the way he spoke. She didn't care if his speech was as smooth as a politician or if it was broken. Her own speech wasn't perfect and she didn't care about his. That he spoke to her at all was a blessing. So many beautiful girls in this school and he was with her. He was .. with her. Blessed. She was blessed because the angel.. loved her. Traveling.. his beautiful soft hands .. she was unworthy... so unworthy of this gift. She was tainted.. scarred.. she was impure.. she was.. in love with an angel. Down and down they went her hair... her neck.. her waist down to her hips. Her eyes lost in his. Her breath caught in her chest as she thought he was going to kiss her. Anticipation.. she wanted to feel his lips again..but no.. her heart fell a little as he spun away and moved behind her.

The sunrise. The watercolor painting in the sky. Oranges, pinks, and blues. Beauty. God's paintbrush never failed to amaze. A masterpiece twice a day. Sunrise and sunset. It only added to the beautiful creation of earth giving the people below something to see. Something to remember God by. His paintings different every morning and every night. Like a rainbow. Ever different ever beautiful. A symbol. A symbol of his love. Of his presence. The angel.. his arms wrapped around her waist. They had never done this before and she smiled looking back at him before she leaned into her strong boyfriend. She loved him and his touch.. pure bliss. Just his hand.. just leaning against him. Nothing could be better than this. Togther. She watched the beauty. Today's sunrise.. today's masterpiece handpainted by the Creator for the world to see. She heard his words and she smiled nodding. It truly was beautiful.

She turned to look at him only to find him looking at her and not the sunset. She saw his face bathed in the light of the sun and she smiled. Beautiful. She reached up gently and brushed his cheek with the back of his fingers before she lifted his chin only slightly with her fingers. Her eyes looked right into his locking her soul into his for a moment a smile on her face. Her face went soft the smile gone as she moved in her eyes closing as she kissed his lips gently. Softly and gently the connection was. Her love. Her heart. Her soul. He had them all and the kiss deepened slowly as she held it not wanting to end it. But she didn't want him to miss the sunrise. Yet somehow there was a sunrise inside her right now. It was Jonathan's. His lips on hers. So pure and beautiful. She finally broke the kiss her eyes opening slowly as she looked into his eyes a small blush on her face from being so bold. But she had missed him so much. And as he had touched her earlier she had kissed him. She had needed this kiss and now she smiled even brighter than before. Her hand on his chin ran up to his hair and with a gentle and slow wink she tucked his hair behind his ears again.

"I.. missed you, .. Jonathan." she said softly as she kissed his forehead gently letting her lips linger for a moment. This was special for her. She touched to help her communicate. So kissing.. it was something Jonathan got alone. It was his. Like her heart and her soul. His and only his. "I .. love you." she said softly as she kissed his lips once more a long and seductive kiss before she pulled back again her heart racing in her chest now. Beating fast. She loved him so much. So much.

"You.. are my .. sunrise." she said and blushed.

[Jonathan Winters *Deceased*]

.. Do you remember that feeling, do you know that feeling when you just feel.. so much.. that you never want to let go? A feeling that's so inspiring, makes your heart pump harder, that makes you feel warm in the head, and logic no longer matters? Every step, every moment she was stroking against him, as he carried her above the grass.. that was what felt so.. indescribably good. Not the intensity of lust and passion, mixed in with love, no, no.. it was a far more satisfying feeling. No emotion showed on his face.. but, there was no need for it. His eyes.. they were smiling.The way she nuzzled into him, to feel her hand on his chest, that little movement.. his head bent downward, familiar with the path, closing his eyes, just carrying her, forgetting completely of the weight in his arms. It felt right. Invisible, unable to be seen, not even to themselves. Right now.. he didn't need even his eyes. He wasn't holding her.. he was feeling.. 'her'. What was in his arms was the greatest treasure in the world.. in the world that God had given him. And for this, at least, he had no regrets but one. His grip over her tightened. How, how truly would he come to tell her the facets of what he was, how he would go down? His face, his body felt calm, whole. And it was she, who filled in that piece. That night.. that one night he'd given himself to her, and she willing gave herself back. Nightly, since then, he'd gently stroke the cross that on his chest, while lying flat on his sleeping bag, just a few inches of cloth between him and the ground.. Just imagining her with him. Thanking God. His.. 'soul', if that's what he had now, crying out in gratitude. .. Truly, though.. ever so truly.. there was something so seemingly symbolical. Jonathan Winters.. what he felt.. perhaps, perhaps he was still in the snow. But the snow gave him comfort, it was what he had first felt, outside of Mutter's warmth. It wasn't horridly cold.. but cool. And it was the greatest thing he'd ever felt.. at that time.. the most interchangeable thing of solids that one could enjoy... But what he'd found.. was not something one could enjoy. What he found was.. the Spring that came after Jonathan Winters. .. And... it was... beautiful. That Spring, that Sunrise, that world.. that world called Madelyn Moore.

That tree. Happy memories, sad memories. Each one, he planted it there, let his soul rest there. During that time before Madelyn. Reminiscence rolled over him, for a bit, as he was staring down at her, but, the way she'd went to his neck, letting her gentle fingers go across it, her head resting on his shoulder, and she kissed his neck. Moving along with it, as it naturally came, and she tucked back some of his hair behind his ear.. that little thing she did that he loved so much. Still, his face showed nothing, but, his eyes certainly were. A little croon came, somewhere in his throat, but, very subtly, but not enough for her to hear it. But every stroke she gave him.. so much satisfaction that he felt. His grip over tightened still. And even then, when they finally arrived, she'd jumped, when he was going to put her down. The smile in his eyes widened. .. Such kindness in all its subtleties. And in a way.. the gesture was so saddening. Daily, every day.. people around the world would do small kind gestures, so that only they would know, and only the few would be able to receive it, in order to recognize it. Gestures that were forgotten so easily, in comparision with a few acts of heat-of-the-moment malcontent. Why was it that goodness in its small acts were so seemingly insignificent yet the the rare occasional wrong deeds would seem to wash away such memories? Why was it that kindness.. was so easily forgotten? .. But now.. now was not the time to think of that. His eyes.. no, his soul... not a single thing would he forget about her, or at least, he'd try hard enough. He just barely notice a strange movement, as she put her arm over her stomach.. but, as to why, he did not know. If she would tell him, she would tell him. He'd trust her on that.. and, if anything, it would probably be just something of no worry. Probably. His eyes flicked away, by that time, however, over to the tree, so as not to be rude, hoping she wouldn't notice him staring.

.. But, he was contented. Just, holding her in his arms, as the grass would blow, the sun would shine, just holding her against him. Wonderful. She was so wonderful. God had made her so wonderful.. and for him, if she would stay with him. His face showed nothing, but, his eyes... would she.. would she still be with him? His God-forsakened body, it was not real. And certainly.. he was certain he had no soul, before he met her. He was man-made. A machine, a product of machines. Integrated with flesh. Was there anything of him that wasn't superficial? His heart.. yes, his beating heart. Even that.. even what should be most ashamedly his, was not. Sanctity of mind.. no. Not even his mind was left unaltered. Injecting bits and pieces of programs into him, so that he knew how to write, so that he knew what was drawing, so that he would know everything he'd ever need to know. Everything, yet nothing. His mind defiled, made impure, no, no privacy of his mind was to be found. Her warmth.. that kind reminder. Was he warm? Or, was he colder then the snow that he knew? No.. he was warm, even if it wasn't natural. Yes.. his only regret.. was that he'd let her fall in love with him, let him fall in love with a damned man, who would die in three months. That day. That hour. Vater.. at the most.. he could thank his Vater, thank his Mutter for his life, to see the world, to allow him to come to Arcane Academy and.. meet such a.. caring.. such a beautiful woman. He'd love her.. even if he was just a tool, even if he was just a dog. Even if he was to die, he'd stay by her- Her hand.. gently brushing against his cheek. His face reddened at this.. God Bless you.. her eyes. He loved her.. so much. Snow, in all its goodness.. still was no match, when compared with the warmth of Spring and Life.

Her eyes... how they looked at her. A nervous smile crept onto his own face, a very small one, his face reddening slightly. But the smile fell away, the moment she brushed her soft fingers against his cheek, his face reacting to it naturally, moving along with it, making the most of her gentle touch, his eyes closing slightly. He had so much to be grateful for.. but just as much to weep over. Thoughts crept up in his mind, falling away instantly, as she gently lifted his chin, his eyes staring at her, slightly closed, thanking God, thanking God at least for blessing him with her, though unworthy he was, though unworthy he'd eternally be. And then.. his eyes.. his eyes closed, as she kissed him. Soft. He pressed against it, slightly, his neck craning over, wanting to kiss her more strongly, but.. it was so gentle. So innocent. God.. truly, blessing God. The only one who loved her so much more then him, so that.. so that when he died, at least, there'd be the love of someone greater to embrace her. .. But.. tears were fought back. She deepened the kiss, and he welcomed it, kissing her back.. just wanting to lose himself in her again. But, that couldn't happen, not today. Yet he kept on kissing her.. kept on loving her.. in how she stroked his soul with every moment of the kiss, how he wanted to.. always be there, to be strong for her. So, it was her who broke the kiss, and he let go, reluctantly, going with her just for a moment longer, before, pulling back himself. When they looked at each other, a blush crept onto both of their faces. How she kissed him, though.. truly, truly he thanked her. There were so many reasons to love her. And this just added to the list. Just so worth it, to see that smile on her face, that brightened his day, even if he was not.. real. She made him feel real.

Face just blank, eyes pressing into hers, though his head kept its distance, closing his eyes, as her wonderful hand quickly crept up to his hair, his eyes peaking opening in time to see her slow wink, and a small smile crept onto his face, as she lovingly tucked a bit of his hair behind his ear yet again, crooningly moving his hand along to the hand. "I.. missed you, .. Jonathan." was the whisper, as she went up to kiss his forehead, moving it forward a little, so that she wouldn't have to go far, eyes closing, the small smile on his face remaining, cherishing every moment of it. "I-I m-missed y-you t-too.. Madelyn." It was the way.. she touched him. That way that he touched him, that made him feel so wonderful. He loved her touch. Loved to feel her on him. His cheeks still felt red, growing hotter, growing redder. He wanted to affirm again.. to know it was okay to..--- "I .. love you."

He choked back tears.

"I love you too.." 'God, I love you so much...' came his eyes, as they closed again, this time, ready for her, as she pressed her soft lips against his.. as he came around, readjusting the kiss, as she kissed him so strongly, kissing her back. She was so wonderful, so amazing, so beautiful, so kind.. kissing her, kissing her, her kissing him. Why was she so wonderful to him? .. Because she loved him. And it was all so.. wrong, yet felt so right. He had sins to pay, had many sins to pay for. Killing. So much remorse. Assassination. So much weight. Being alive. He was.. just a blasphemy, reincarnate. He kissed her back, wanting to forget these thoughts, wanting to forget these ideas, the excitement slowly beginning to override his thoughts, the passion reawakening the lion. Blood racing through his veins, softly audible breathing, his heart.. oh God, his artificial heart.. it beated so quickly, beated so quickly, for her. For her.

Madelyn.

That kiss. He loved that feeling, this feeling.. this feeling in his heart. Loved her. Why did he have to hurt her this way? Why did he have to hurt her by having her love him, by loving her back? "You.. are my .. sunrise." Passion overwhelmed him.. as slowly, he stepped into in front of her, in front of the sunrise. His face hot, his body hot. Confusion in his eyes, but passion, definetly there. For that much he knew. Out of his life.. that much.. he knew. He loved her. That much was clear. Staring at her, embaressed, as she blushed at him, and he blushed back, his eyes staring down, so many mixed emotions filling his eyes, as he stood there, just stood there in front of her. No winds blew. But a single leaf from the tree they were standing under weakened, broke and fell. Slowly, dancing, slowly drifting in the invisible breeze, slowly, down, dancing.. between them.. until, finally, it touched the ground. And in that same moment, Jonathan's arms went around Madelyn tightly, pressing his lips onto hers, his head tilted slightly, the sunlight on both their faces, as if to show the world what was, how beautiful they were, together. Quietly, his arms adjusted themselves, wrapping them tighter around her, as he stepped closer, excitement taking over, as his teeth nipped at the top of her lip, pulling back a bit, before continuing to kiss her. His breathing became harder and deeper, breathing her in, breathing in that wonderful scent. Deepening that kiss, further. His tongue.. dare he? Even while embracing her, a smile somehow crept onto his face, going away, his tongue flicking, becoming active, as it suddenly moved along, feeling her teeth, feeling her amazing breath, that warmth that only she could give him. It was here... here in his grasp that he was soaring.. his tongue giving hers a quick pat, as if to say.. 'hello', before pressing onto it, massaging onto it.. the kiss going deeper, and deeper. But slowly.. he weakened it. Just a bit at a time, so that it could be barely noticed.. before he gave a loving tender bite, nibbling the bottom lip a little, tugging gently, before going down, his neck tilting further, as he began to kiss her chin, and slowly travelling under it.

Her neck. He paused there, just breathing there, his heart racing. Just breathing quickly, onto her soft, tender skin, his tongue going onto it.. slowly licking it, as his lips came closer and closer, until.. his teeth. His teeth slowly exposed itself to her, poising as if he were to bite her neck like a vampire. Letting both his jaw and top of his teeth graze her at the same time, slowly stroking into her, he waited, going to the right, to nibble a little, before his lips came, his tongue came, kissing.. kissing it as if it were her mouth. The side of her neck, so that she could hide 'it' under her long hair, his right hand going up, as his mouth moved further and further along her neck, raising up the hair, as he his teeth felt every nibble at her skin, stopping, to lick her, his lips slowly around her neck. He sucked. For today.. he'd leave a mark on her.. just a little mark. His tongue went over it, sucking gently, sucking sweetly, as if she were the most tender jar of hunny-- no, sweeter. Nothing could be as sweet as her. And he kissed it, kissing it.. his hand dropping the hair, over his head, as his hand slowly went through her hair, stroking through the locks, loving how soft it was, how amazing it was. But then, everything was amazing about her. God made her that way. One last peck.. and he released his lip's hold on her. The newly made spot looked particularly tender.. red. For a moment, he looked at her, his right hand going down to it, using the back of his forefinger to gently stroke it, his eyes saying 'sorry', but with an obvious look of mischief on his eyes. .. But again, reason struck at him, even as he slunk slowly, kissing the bottom of her neck, the top of her very chest, slowly kissing down.. down.. every kiss closer.. until, avoiding hitting his head against any of her more.. 'sensitive' parts, he kissed her heart.. and he kissed it.. even with all the clothing on. Because here, here it was real. Within him.. it was not. And he kissed harder..his grip around her, tightening for a moment, before loosening.

And he fell.

Falling to his knees.. the tears finally breaking out, his breathing slowing down, slowing down.. because.. because he was just a dog. And he had no right to kiss her, to love her, to feel anything for her. And because when he died, if she really loved him as much as he loved her.. he'd tear his heart out with him, when he.. 'left'. His head slunk forward, between her legs, his arms going around it hugging her legs close to him, the tears falling harder and harder.. It was so wrong. He shouldn't love her. But he did. And she loved him back. So he held onto her.. sobbing.. sobbing on his wings. His mouth cracked open. .. He had to tell her. .. Had to tell her who he really was. Had to know.. had to know if.. if... "M-M-M-M.." Even her name, he could not pronounce, even her beautiful name.. he stuttered, now. He choked, ashamed that he could not even pronounce the name of someone he loved so much, correctly. Gasping.. he tried again. [color=gray".. M-Madelyn.. I-I..."[/color] He debated. He couldn't bring himself to say he couldn't love her anymore because it wasn't right.. because it'd be misintepreted and it wouldn't be true. He had to tell her... had to tell her the truth. The whole truth.

[color=gray".. I-I.. h-have t-to te-tell y-you wh-who I-I r-reall--- 'Wh-What'.. -I-I re-really a-am.. an-and wh-what's go-going t-to ha-happen t-to m-me."[/color]

[madelyn]

In the Spring when a flower first buds instantly it is loved and carressed by the soft rays of the sun above. Silently the sun nutures the small bud allowing it to grow to bloom to live. It is the beauty of nature and the original love of the earth. For the original love of the world was indeed God and no love on earth can exceed his own devotion. Yet, love runs rampant over the fields of the beautiful creation that he gave the human race. So many people living out their lives and finding that there was so much to live for. Such as Jonathan. Her very own gift from God. This was where her soul belonged and this was where it resided. She would never take it back and never want to. For he was her life and he was her reason to smile, to laugh, to live.

His lips kissing her were like the soft petals of the purest rose. Velvet in their natural beauty so soft to the touch. Beautiful. Pressing against hers in a kiss and her body seemed to come alive. Small shivers .. the warmest winter in the world ran through her body as her eyes closed. His arms so strong.. so very strong. The ones that protected her the ones that held her through her nightmares and held her through love. They tightened pulling her closer.. pulling him closer together they came together his arms.. again tighter. Holding her to him. Holding her .. treasuring her. Her own arms so thin compared to his so small and delicate the pale skin seeming to shimmer in the morning light moved up his chest and held him around his neck. Pressing herself. Against him more. More and more never enough. She had to be with him. Had to show him that her love extended so far past what she could give him. She was lost in the passion and the love that they were sharing. So physical yet so emotional at the same time. Emotions conveyed through action telling .. showing.. feeling the love. His tongue she felt it on his lips and she opened. Giving him permission letting the kiss go deeper. Deeper and deeper as her breathing increased her chest rising and falling straining.. straining against the fabrics of her shirts. Her nostrils filled with his scent.. that wonderful scent that she would never get enough of. Her own tongue moving to massage his to love his to love him through every action she could. Giving him her devotion.. her soul he had .. he had her she was his and she never wanted to be anyone elses. Slowly the kiss seemed to slow to become less passionate and she followed. She loved him. Her entire being loved him. He was amazing and he accepted her for who she was. He nibbled her lower lip pulling it back just a little as the kiss broke her chest heaving.. heavily heaving against her shirts as he moved.

Her neck.. so sensitive. She had never known it would be so sensitive yet his lips seemed to make her shiver and tremble as he touched her neck with them. A sigh ushered forth from her lips as her eyes remained closed. Feeling him. Just letting her sensing of touch strengthen with the lack of sight. His lips, teeth, and tongue carressed the soft skin it made her yearn for more. Her hand moving up to stroke his hair gently as small moans came from her. He was stirring her.. he was making her warm.. no hot he was heating her up with his passion and his touch. Everything he did only made her yearn to run her hands over his back over his skin to feel the muscles there again. Sucking she felt him sucking and his hand stroking her hair so lovingly. She had never known a gentle touch before him not this kind of touch. Yes, she had been hugged before but never anything this passion filled. There was feeling.. so much feeling in the air around them it was heavy with the love they felt.. heavy with the lust they were creating.. heavy with the passion that they shared. Soon it broke the suction broke and she gasped as his hand ran over the soft and tender skin. But it didn't hurt. No, instead it was heightened. The sensitivity was high and his finger it was so.. soft so sweet it .. just.. gasp.

Moving once more his lips across her neck. She left her eyes closed as her chest heaved seeming desperate for air yet that was not it. No she was inhaling the passion and the love. She was inhaling his scent and she was intoxicated. Lost in the high that Jonathan gave her. He was a drug like no other and she was completly addicted. She never wanted to come down. Not from this. Down further and further his lips touching and kissing her skin. The opening in her shirt her tank top low enough that he did not touch the fabric as he kissed. Lower and lower til he stopped. Over her heart. She felt him kiss. Carressing her skin with his lips her hands both of the running through his hair gently gently feeling the soft feather like lockes against her fingers. He grabbed her tightly before...

Her eyes shot open as he fell away from her. Something was wrong she could feel it. Almost tangible in the air. She looked down to see him knealing in front of her crystalline tears falling down his face. Fear. It struck her fast and hard and immediatly the high left and she was sober once more. Something was very wrong. She had seen him cry before yet this.. this was so very different. Agony pure and simple. She was in shock for a moment she could not move and then suddenly he grabbed her tightly around the legs his head against her. Immediatly she kicked in. She reached behind her and carefully moved his arms from around her gently. Just enough so that she could sink to the gound in front of him. She knealt in front of him and pulled him into her. His head on her chest as she stroked his hair gently rocking back and forth ever so lightly she held him to her his ear to her bare skin he would be able to hear her heart beat. The soft and soothing rythum. She loved him so much with that heart.. with her soul. She was here for him.

She heard his words as her eyes opened wide in slight fear and shock. What was it he would tell her. Was it worse than what she had to tell him? Was it better. She knew it was something bad for this man had never cried like this before. To see her angel crying hurt her deeply. To see him in so much pain. Yet it seemed that this was what would bring her out of her shell. She kissed his hair and nuzzled her face into him before she spoke. This was only a test. A true test of love and it was her love that was strengthening her now. Her love for him that was going to get them through what was tearing him apart. She took a deep breath.

"Jonathan, my love... there is nothing.. you can say.. that will ever.. make me love you.. less. More.. but never less." she said softly as she brushed her hand through his hair and rocked him gently.

She was in love. She loved him so very much he was her soul and her angel. Her guiding light in life and her sweet sweet Jonathan. She tilted his head up gently to look at her a smile on her face no fear at all on her features as she carefully and gently wiped away his tears with her thumbs. She leaned in and kissed his forehead gently letting her lips linger pressed against his gently before pulling back and kissing his lips gently. It was odd. Her past had been so hard.. so horrid. Yet faced with whatever bothered the love of her life.. she stood strong. Pulling back she cradled him to her chest once more.

"I am here for you.. my love.. forever." she whispered as she kissed his hair again waiting for him to speak when he was ready. She was strong in this. Stronger than she ever thought she could be. Here was her strength.. caring for that which she loved more than life. She had found it.

[Jonathan Winters *Deceased*]

Utmost remorse.

Utmost remorse at its prime.. to want forgiveness from another. It's a feeling of having done the absolute wrong to someone you respect, someone you love so dearly. It can feel worse then death. And for Jonathan, it was a feeling he wanted to avoid, to avoid becoming too attached, the point where.. if he died, that he would feel regret for all that he left behind. This was the pain that he felt, that cut through his heart, made his crying silent. Before her.. death was just another part of life. He was just a soldier, bent on protecting, fighting for, until at last he would breathe no more. But now.. he had.. 'her'. Someone to live for, not die. A person he wanted to spend years and years with, to grow old with, even when he wouldn't live to even see eighteen. It was just that feeling. When a gardner is trimming his roses that are dying.. and when he snips one that's still budding, not yet blooming.. it is like a denial, to that bud, not being able to live out it's life, not being able to bloom, to blossom for his beautiful gardner. And that feeling.. it was so much worse then dying. Regret that he was going to leave behind.. such a lovely pair of wings, such a kind gardner, who helped him grow. He could never again think the same way.. she'd changed him. He had.. no regrets for falling in love with her. His only regret was that she'd.. fallen in love with him, in turn. What God had done, allowing her to be scarred, he must have wept, but knowing that her cruel, alcholic uncle was shaping her.. shaping her, sculpting her physically, molding her beautifully, part of the reason as to why she became that way. Jonathan.. gladly would've become No. 04 again, gladly live a life of pain and agony again, if he could just spend a few more years with her. Mutter had kept him alive and safe, Vater had torn him apart, but made him strong for Madelyn. And yet, the way that God could use him, such an abomination, to give her warmth, all the while having her give warmth back, filling each other's empty parts.. only God could've done something as amazing or as beautiful as that.

It was this empathy, this realization.. but it was pointless in hoping beyond. He'd have to tell her. But, quietly, he could feel his arms around her legs slowly being pulled back, as she sunk down to him. No... she should not be holding him like this, holding him like this as if she loved him. .. But that was... that was the problem. He couldn't stop her from loving him, nor would he do anything to stop her from loving him. He couldn't.. have it just taken away, just like that, like a rose being removed of all its petals. So self-conflicting.. he wanted to be hers, yet he didn't want her to be his.. choices, emotions, again, fear of emotions began to creep into him.. Snow.. Benzin... Benzel.. Vater and Mutter.. Lancaster... the pills... his platoon. So many thoughts raced into him.. how he'd become this way, how--- Stop! She was letting him hold her, letting him feel her warmth. He wanted to pull back his arms, so that she wouldn't have his blasphemic body touching her, yet, he could not retreat them, because he didn't want to leave. Dammit.. Dammit! She pulled him in, closer to her warmth, where he could feel her, holding him tightly. Madelyn would undoubtly recoil, when she would find out what he was, but, but.. her hand, stroking his hair, rocking him back and forth, cradling him. Cradling him. He'd never been cradled before. Mutter had never held him in such a way. Vater was unkind, always striving on making him the perfect prototype for the new Arayan race. Pounding. That beat. Light. That was her heartbeat, that rhythm that he could feel going in him, what kept him standing, what kept her breathing, what allowed her to keep on loving him. Self-confliction, and more self-confliction.. his only reward. God.. was he testing him, to see how he would.. be, as a person, after this? His grip around her tightened.

Kiss. As if she really would accept him. Maybe she would, but, would he feel better? He didn't want to share his burden, no, he was selfish, and wanted to help carry hers, without sharing his own. Just feeling her nuzzling more and more into him.. "Jonathan, my love... there is nothing.. you can say.. that will ever.. make me love you.. less. More.. but never less." all the while, still, just holding him, alone with just him, in this morning. It would feel better if he just let the sadness pass, and enjoy this day with her, and ask her. But it would be worse in the long-run, for her heart, if he didn't tell her, a betrayal of trust, if he could be fully honest of what he was, and what was going to happen to him. .. She told him.. she told him about her uncle. Allowed him to feel her scars. So, why was he so hesitent in telling her, as she was just rocking him, taking comfort, though he cried onto her shirt, feeling her hand go over his hair. Jonathan could.. feel his head being tilted up to her, his crying silent, but his light-green eyes were patched with red in various spots, the tears still visibly coming down his face in two visible streams. Madelyn.. she was so kind.. that sweet smile on her face, no fear showing of what he may possibly have to tell her, her thumbs, her warm, gentle thumbs going to his tears, wiping them away, as if magically making the stream stop. A kiss.. to his forehead, so soft... the innocence touching his head, constructed by means that was abhorring to God.. and then, his eyes looking into hers, unable to let her not kiss him. Maybe, it'd be his last.. he tried pressing it, but, couldn't. Just couldn't. And, when the kiss broke, she brought him back, deep into her comfort, deep into her hold, his hold on her only growing tighter and tighter.. "I am here for you.. my love.. forever." Why must every kiss that comes from her lips make him feel as... the truth. He had to resist feeling so much, had to tell her the truth.

If he truly loved her this much.. he would tell her. And let her walk away, if she wanted to, as she.. undoubtly would, as he.. hoped she would, as evil sounding as it was to his mind, to his ears, to his lips, but.. he didn't want to hurt her.. "... M-maybe.. th-that's wh-what I-I'm a-afraid o-of.." he said, his arms pulling away from her, as he backed up, to look at her, his eyes only slightly open, looking into hers, but then, averting down, to the side. Slowly, he reached behind himself, grabing Phae's notebook. Scooting himself beside her.. he flipped open to the next blank page, and, with a wistful hand, stopping for a moment, as his hand shook, he took the pen to the paper.

.. Let me tell you a story about a boy, no, a 'creation' called No. 04. He was created.. grown.. in a lab, in the D-13, under guidance of William Sommer. He was my.. 'Vater' (German for Father, that I always think of him as), my donator. Using his sperm cell, it was stimulated, biologically modified, and run under several tests. No. 04, as his name implies, was among many upon hundreds of experiments, from Vater. It was inside of 'Mutter' (German for Mother one I think of.. 'her'), No. 04 grew., where his cells multiplied, where Mutter kept him safe from the outside world, within her warm fluids of such electronically created bacteria and organisms with specified jobs of keeping No. 04 alive, and making him stronger.

.. Mutter was a container for me and my brother.. to the time that when, even when I was at the age of needing oxygen, an air mask and waste tubes were plugged into me and my brothers, in the various containers, where they made us. But, even though we were growing, developing stronger bodies, every single one of us, it was only me and my brother who shared the same container who grew the strongest, the others developing deformities. But even then, Vater wanted to make us stronger. At an early age of.. what would be considered 'four', or maybe even 'three', he began working on all of us, tearing us apart using Mutter's vast amounts of metal arms, putting in 'upgrades' that we could grow with, that would grow with us, making us stronger, output-wise. But, because of the weight of the things they put into us.. our endurance was naturally low. To this end.. look around you.

He stared into her eyes.. then, looked around, quietly, at the peaceful surrounding, so contradictory to the storm in his mind, in his.. 'soul'. As if in response, a light gust blew, the grasses blowing.. a few leaves crossing between their faces.. his eyes unable to look at hers still, retreating back into just.. writing.

I am that No. 04. I am artificial.. Everything around you is real.. I'm the only one around, in this area.. who is fake. A product. A blasphemy to God, though, ironically, after I was put into the army.. one of the soldiers taught me about him. Yet, I have yet to be baptized, and I refused at that time, even a 'informal one' that that man.. Corporal Foster Tether.. offered me. I felt as though I had no soul. .. That changed when I met you. So.. if you'll leave me because I'm a souless product.. I will understand. Truly, I will...

And for a moment, a scribble of lines followed it, his eyes just staring blankly at the paper, just.. making strange wiggly lines.. something irregular was happening in him. Could he really tell her? The pen stopped gliding.

... If you won't leave because of that... then.. there's one more thing you should know about me, before we.. before I.. before you fall in love with such a selfish bastard, as myself.

Drops of tears soon destroyed some of the words, as they fell from his face, his face completely emotionless, unable to even look at her. How could he? How could he leave her behind? He should've told her.. right off the bat. But.. he'd never imagined things would progress... like this. Like this.

They implanted a little machine into my mind, when I was still in Mutter. Through that, I learned to talk without using my mouth. I learned to adapt without training, though I trained, irregardless. They allowed me to use magical powers, an unholy way of pressing into me magicks, besides developing my body specifically to harbor mana, magicks.. gave me awareness, told me everything I'd ever needed to know, showed me how to talk. The reason I can speak German. Taught me basic human things, without ever experiancing them. But, Lancaster interveined at one moment, putting Vater's research on hold, therefore making my.. 'English' stuter, for thoughts in the D-13 were that Vater's work was immoral, and it was, and it is. But, he let Vater continue, after Vater persuaded him that we, his products, had no emotion, and thus, weren't real. Which is why I take E-Killers, to help me from feeling emotions. But.. that little machine, which so small that it cannot be seen without a microscope, that has actually genetically merged into my body.. set a time limit. Because, I am only just a prototype, after all.

.. His eyes.. slowly looked up to hers.. his hands trembling.. as he yet still wrote.. yet he still wrote..

.. As a prototype, I'm to be observed, through that.. 'thing', and then.. it shall create a small detonation in my head, on November 25, 2006, at three o' clock A.M. on the dot.

His eyes.. his eyes were watering. He'd just told her his deepest secret, that.. only those in the D-13 higher rankings would be able to know. The limitations of Jonathan Winters, as a product.

.. I'm going to.. die..

[madelyn]

So many times in life pain strikes you at the worst possible or most unexpected moment. Madelyn's life thus far had been ripe with pain and suffering. Never at a convienent moment. But is there ever a convienent moment for pain? Is there a perfect time to give someone the news they never wanted to hear? Can anyone truly be prepared for the pain that comes with certain things? Life was all about give and take.. come and go.. life and death. Yet, most concentrate on the life. Because if we make the most of it then death doesn't seem so bad. Madelyn had had her fair share of pain and suffering her life had been filled for eleven long years of nothing but constant torture and dismay. Her scars were testiment to her life before Arcane, before her angel, before her love, before Jonathan.

When he spoke her heart fell. Something deep was wrong and all she could do was wait for the answer. There was nothing she could say right now to comfort the man that had given her not only her heart but her soul back. Healed and whole once more. For this man had taken a broken and beaten doll and polished her back up fixing her tears and finding the beauty that once lay underneath. Bringing it back to the surface so the world could see. He was the one that had saved her. He was the one that had brought her out of complete darkness and showed her the way to the light. The light being where he lived whether he believed it or not. Here it was that she was finally at peace. Finally able to live... to feel.. to love.. to be Madelyn.

He wrote. In a small soft bound book he wrote and all she could do was wait. Patiently she waited watching his write watching his tears fall onto the paper pages. Splat. Each hit creatind small wet bubbles on the page. To see him cry .. to see him hurting was tearing her apart. Holding and kissing him at this moment would do nothing. She waited. Waited to see what he would say to her. What was so horribly wrong. What made him cling to her for dear life. What couldn't he tell her in his own words. She had to know. Had to find out because only then could she help him get past this. She leaned against him as he began to write the words filling the page. She read.. her eyes reading and absorbing what he wrote her heart starting to beat faster. The story.. it was him .. she knew it was why else would he tell her about '04'. But she didn't care if he was created. What did that matter. It only made him more special. Yes it was a shock. She had not expected it. But that didn't make him any less desireable. He had saved her created or not. She had fallen in love with him and this would change nothing. This would shake nothing. This would do nothing but make her love him even more.

He looked up into her eyes. Her own eyes so soft and loving. Conveying those emotions to him. Telling him that she loved him now as much as ever. Telling him that she would love him no matter what. Created or not she would never waiver in her love for the angel. He was her better half.. her soul mate.. her love. He was the reason she was whole. He was the reason she.. lived. She touched his face gently. Telling him.. if he would listen.. everything that needed to be said. Yet, he was not done as he returned to the book. Writing more and Madelyn's heart fell a bit more. Closer to her stomach as she didn't know what else he could say.. what else was he going to tell her.

He thought himself a blasphemy and she new that it wasn't true. Tears fell from her face small tears of intense sadness at the fact that right now he had more to say yet she so badly wanted to tell him what she felt. To tell him what she believed yet he did not look up. He couldn't or wouldn't but he had more. So much more to say and yet she wasn't sure what else could come. She leaned in and kissed his cheek her thumbs once again wiping away the tears that were dripping down onto the pages beneath him. She couldn't stand to see him hurt to see him like this. She couldn't take the pain that wrenched her heart just seeing him torn like this. It wasn't the words on the page that the tears fell for.. it was him. For him .. he who she could not help yet. She could only wait and bide her time. Wait for him.

Fear struck her as the word timer.. detonation.. and .. die came onto the page. His eyes looked up at hers and she felt frozen in time. There it was. What he had been trying to say all along. Three months. They had three months in which to live a life time together. She shook visibly she shook as she took in the information. The gift she had not yet told him about.. the life she wanted to lead with him.. no them. Yes, them. The three of them together. Growing old and visiting places. She could be a mom and a wife. Be there when he came home with dinner ready and a smile on her face.

Yet, the sudden realizations hit her like a bolt of lightening. There would be no house. No family photos and trips to the park. No anniversaries or birthdays. There would be no teaching the children German and taking family trips to see all the sites. Disney world and teach them magic. Her life would be alone.. well not completly alone as she still had her gift yet there was so much that the both of them would miss out on. Father's Day. Birthday parties. Baby's first step and first word. What magic would the child have and how would it grow. Singing songs together and Christmas holidays. So much would be lost in this so much would be missing. Yet..

She looked down into his eyes and through the tears she still loved him. Her eyes bright with her feelings for him even if red from her tears. There was still so much they could do. If she planned right they could do as much as possible in as little time as possible. She would put so much into the time she had left. She would keep those memories she would cherish them so when the time came she could share them. She would take pictures as many as she could. Of everything. She wouldnt let these three months go to waist. She would be there for him and she would be strong because that was what he needed was someone strong not someone that was dependent on him but someone he could leave behind and know that she would be alright. Quickly she stopped crying turning off her tears like a faucet as she wiped them away with her hands.

She moved around in front of him her tears no longer falling because she was going to be strong. Her heart ached .. a million shattering pieces yet they would come back together. She willed them to. She would not .. she refused to fall apart at the moment he needed her most. She would never run away. God had given her this gift and she would not let it go. When that DAMNED thing went of in three months she would be there for his very last moment. She would make sure the last thing he heard was that she loved him. That she always had and forever would. Even when he was no longer by her side she would love him. Because he was hers and she was his. Together they were strong and together they had bonded. And she had something to live for. If not.. she would have gladly thrown herself into heaven with him. If he was a blasphemy, which she did not believe, then suicide would make them even and eternity could be spent together. Yet, God must have forseen that option and decided to give her something else. Something they had made together and something she would be able to hold onto. She took the book gently out of his hands and closed it running her fingers over the name on the cover. She set it aside gently and climbed up into his lap as she wiped the beautiful tears falling from his perfect eyes.

"First.. I still love you.. and I'm not going anywhere." she said softly as she looked right into his eyes and kissed him gently on the lips. She pulled back and looked into his eyes once more. There in her eyes was strength like there had never been before. Devotion. Love. Commitment. Sorrow yes it was there yet so many stronger emotions besides just that.

"And you are wrong.. about one thing, Jonathan Winters." she said softly as she tucked his hair behind his ears. "You are as far.. from a blasphemy.. as anyone I have ever met. You look at yourself.. the wrong way. I think that.. if God did not.. want you to be .. he would not have.. given you life.. no matter who started the creation. Because.. it is he.. that ulitmatly.. choses who lives and who dies. I think that you.. like everyone on Earth.. was put here for a reason. If only .. to touch the lives.. of others in your short span.. then so be it. Because I can.. assure you.. that you have touched.. many. Me.. Phae.. others." she said softly as her hand stroked his cheek gently her violet blue eyes looking into his stormy depths.

"I cannot .. pretend that the short span.. does not hurt me. But it doesn't hurt.. because you waited to tell me...it hurts because I know .. that my dream.. has been shortened to three months. Because.. we have .. so much to live in.. so little time. But I promise you.. right now Jonathan.. I will do my best.. to see that we live.. as much as we can. Because.. we have so much.. to live for." she said softly. She took his hand and placed it on her stomach as she blushed shyly and looked up into his eyes.

"We.. you.. me.. and.. our child." she said softly as a tear fell from her eye. "I know that.. you've seen me ill.. lately.. I went to the doctor.. and they told me .. that we.. are pregnate. Now it is my turn... to say that if you ... leave.. I will understand.. but I will.. never love you less."

She looked down. Both their hands on her stomach as she let tears of worry slide down her face dripping on their hands. She wouldn't blame him now if he left. Because now he would make his decision. Would they spend his last three months together or would they spend them apart. She didn't know what to do but all she could do was wait.

[Jonathan Winters *Deceased*]

Who knew written words could hurt so much? That patter of tears.. no, it wasn't his. .. She was crying over him. His fingers clenched the pen tightly, slightly shaking, his eyes just staring ahead, no emotions still showing on his face. He should be feeling a lot more, but, the fact was that he'd accepted his span for a long time. .. It just seemed so short, now, now that he'd met her. Living everyday, not as if it were his last, but, as if he had years of life, still to go through with, instead of less then a hundred days. But.. as he came to the last line, in spite of the way she removed the tears from his eyes.. in spite of the way that he took guilty comfort in having her warmth on him, as she leaned on him, that line.. he knew, that line. And for a moment, yes, his pen did shake, as he almost bitterly put the pen into it's slot, revving his arm to throw it, but, no.. that wouldn't be right. Rosenrot would be sad, to see him in such a way. Quietly cringing in himself, not even able to cry anymore, but, for just telling her, telling his Madelyn the truth. It hurt. He could not bring himself to see her eyes, that brought him joy and feeling, no matter how much she wanted to comfort him. That way she would touch him on the face, the way she looked back at him, whenever he was trying to tell her how much of a sin he was. He'd really fallen for her, fallen in love with her, that he wanted to be with her, forever. Life.. life was short as it was. But his was exceptional. He wouldn't even be able to see next year's full bloom. Afraid that.. always afraid.. that he'd miss out on seeing their love bloom, before it could come even close to fruition. Why couldn't he be human, why couldn't he come from a real mother's womb? Would God truly do something with his life this way? It was so frustrating, he felt so helpless. And now, he was burdening the only one he ever felt this.. feeling for.. with all his problems, his lamenting.

Would she unders-

Why did she move in front of him? Jonathan's head stayed low, averting his eyes, little bits of hair covering his face. He'd made her cry. .. Dammit. Never could he do anything right.. even on that first night, he'd made her cry. He wanted to say it would be alright, but, how can you say it would be alright to a person you just told that you're going to die in a few months, to? His fists clenched, at his side, the book just lying on his lap, when, her gentle little hands took it into her grasp, his eyes unable to help, but follow, from underneath the strands of hair. That way she let her finger slide over his name.. it made him quiver. What was she thinking? What was she going to do? Silently, he breathed in, holding his breath. An explosive little.. gasp, or sigh coming from his mouth, when she slid himself, onto his lap, his right arm immediately catching her back, as she sat sideways on him, his left hand automatically going underneath her knees, as she wiped away the tears. He couldn't look away anymore; his head rose up, the hair parting, as he looked at her, the tears already drying. "First.. I still love you.. and I'm not going anywhere." ... How do you respond to this? His grip tightened, around her, holding her closer, afraid that the tears would fall again. And he'd cried enough. Cried enough after.. the 'Benzin' incident. Her kiss. Shyly, he pressed back, afraid to kiss her, but wanting, need to feel her touch on him. It'd only been moments, but, it was long enough to make him feel as though he were starved of her. Strength. She was strong, growing stronger.. he could see it in her eyes, that.. oh God... that.. devotion.. she had for him. What in the world had he done that God decided he could have such beautiful, caring girl as her?

She let go, as did he, afraid to follow up, not all to really in the mood, at that moment. But, that look in her eyes.. that look in her eyes.. "And you are wrong.. about one thing, Jonathan Winters." was her words, quietly slipping in a bit of his hair behind his ear.. guiltily crooning toward it, toward her touch, but, not by much, still wanting to keep the focus of his ears on her. "You are as far.. from a blasphemy.. as anyone I have ever met. You look at yourself.. the wrong way. I think that.. if God did not.. want you to be .. he would not have.. given you life.. no matter who started the creation. Because.. it is he.. that ultimately.. choses who lives and who dies. I think that you.. like everyone on Earth.. was put here for a reason. If only .. to touch the lives.. of others in your short span.. then so be it. Because I can.. assure you.. that you have touched.. many. Me.. Phae.. others." Slowly moving toward the movement of her hand on his cheek.. he wanted to correct her. That did not stop him from being a blasphemy. Even God used sins for good uses, but, could God love something made entirely from sin, from sin, into sin? Nonetheless, he wanted to weep onto her shoulder, trying to hold her closer to himself, his arms not at all feeling tired or heavy, but more rather, just thanking her, wanting to hold her forever. She was... she was...

A little breeze came, some leaves being carried away, from the tree, a drop of a tear coming from his eye, the last one he wanted to shed today, the leaf, carrying away the tear, before it could even drop onto her, away into the wind.

She was... so kind.

Madelyn would be strong, at least, for him, if he could not be strong for her.. all the more reason as to why he had to be strong for her. He could feel his strength returning, as if he had a soul again. "I cannot .. pretend that the short span.. does not hurt me. But it doesn't hurt.. because you waited to tell me...it hurts because I know .. that my dream.. has been shortened to three months. Because.. we have .. so much to live in.. so little time. But I promise you.. right now Jonathan.. I will do my best.. to see that we live.. as much as we can. Because.. we have so much.. to live for." Never in his life.. could he imagine that he would forgive himself. He'd be a sin, and that would be the end of it. If God was merciful.. then praise be to him. And even if he decided he was not fit to meet Madelyn in heaven.. all the more, praise be to him, for he was the only one who knew, who could decide truly what would be right or wrong. He slowly lowered her legs, his eyes staring into her, wanting to cup her cheek, wanting to thank her. No.. he probably would never forgive himself. .. But, he could at least live with himself.. as long as he could be with her. Her hand was quick though, taking it suddenly, to his own surprise, to her stomach. She was blushing, and his eyes, couldn't see why, but, there seemed to be happiness, but, also anxiousness. Wha- "We.. you.. me.. and.. our child." "..Wh-What..?" his breathing suddenly loud, shaky, absolute surprise on his face, as he nearly fell back, carrying her with him, but he resisted giving into surprise, but, that did not stop his breathing from suddenly being so shaky. A tear drop fell from her eye.. as did from his. It probably wouldn't be the last, after all.

"I know that.. you've seen me ill.. lately.. I went to the doctor.. and they told me .. that we.. are pregnant. Now it is my turn... to say that if you ... leave.. I will understand.. but I will.. never love you less." So.. that was it. Why she seemed slightly ill during the mission, why she seemed ill this morning. And quietly, he noted, that, a tear was falling down her face, her face down, his eyes eager to look into hers, but, unable to, due to the angle. His hand suddenly arranged itself, clasping tightly onto hers, his right hand sliding up, behind her neck, carefully bringing up her face, not even bothering to brush away the tear. He needed.. to see her face. He had to.. see.. see her eyes, because he had to see them, for what he was about to say. He couldn't explain why.. he just.. had to. ".. Y-Your pr-pregnant.." he slowly whispered, almost choking on his words, his own voice surprising him, because of how shocked it sounded. ".. A-A l-little b-baby.. w-with a-a s-soul o-of i-it's o-own.. i-in y-you.. y-your p-pregnant.. w-with... o-our... ch-child." Jonathan was stating the obvious, that was much was certain to himself, but.. it was if he needed to say it for himself.. to actually believe it. His eyes still wide with shock.. he just stared at her, swiveling them to look at her stomach, and then, back at her face. His mouth was open like an idiot, just, staring blankly at her. But, it didn't take long, as it slowly closed, his face slowly going to hers, his eyes slightly closed. He felt so.. he felt so... happy. And, because of her, because she was able to carry their child.. he just couldn't look away from her face, as it came closer and closer. ".. Oh.. my God, you're so... beautiful." came the slowly-rising whisper, his breathing that was already audible, slowly getting up to a pace. Again, no stutter. But, his breathing did not go faster with lust or anything simplistic like that..

His eyes kissed long before his lips did, his right hand, while supporting her up, was still able to going through the strands of long hair. Pressing his lips onto her, just an innocent kiss, for her, for him, for their child. For him, he didn't know when the kiss broke, but, it was reluctant for him, at least. "..H-here I-I a-am.. w-worrying th-that y-you'll leave m-me for b-bad n-news.." all the while, his left hand, clenching more firmly, until, it suddenly loosened, moving down her hand, and then, moving up her shirt, so that he could see her stomach. Lowering his head down to it.. his eyes just staring in amazement. Their child.. their God-blessed child was growing.. in there.. in her, in his Madelyn. Quietly, his hand was smoothing over it, in a very slow, circular motion. "...W-Why w-would I-I l-leave y-you f-for h-hearing s-such g-good n-news? A-although, t-though h-he i-is o-our c-child, y-yet.. w-we h-have n-not w-wedded. B-But, o-our c-child i-is b-blessed b-by God, n-nonetheless." And he smiled, his left hand pulling away, instead, stroking the top of her thighs. Just kissing her stomach.. over and over again, his mouth feeling as though it was unable to stop itself. He kissed, because he wanted to kiss his child, he kissed because he wanted to see him, he kissed because he was 'their' child. So many times, blessing it every single time, maybe.. seventeen? Thirty? It didn't matter. What did matter.. was.. his eyes traveled back to hers, his left hand, letting itself slide up her side, letting her shirt fall back into place, but still, just keeping his hand over her stomach. That little spot he gave her.. his hand held her neck up, supporting her up, his thumb slowly going over it, as his face grew closer and closer.. his eyes, alive, his face making a small smile, before slowly going onto hers, asking for forgiveness, asking if it it was okay, but the allurement in her eyes, just drawing him in, wanting to get lost in hers, as she was in his.. and he kissed her.

Their child would never get to see his father. Maybe pictures, but, never his father. It hurt, but, as long as he was their child.. he was special, irregardless. Is it possible.. to fall completely in love with your soul-mate.. and at the same time.. completely in love with your child? And the woman who made it all possible.. was the one he wanted to spend all his life with, years and years with, though he would be denied thus. He wanted.. to see their child grow up. So he prayed that God would let him watch, either from heaven.. or God forbid, from hell. But first.. but first.. his lips loosened, wanting to give a bite, but, he was being serious, not playing around, and resisted such temptation, instead, reaching forward a little, dragging the duffel bag beside him. His hand going into the box, unstrapping it from where it was, and he lay it to his side. It was a black little box, easily destroyed, yes.. but.. quietly, his left arm went underneath her legs, his right hand, caressing under her back, as he picked her up, in that sitting position, and without ever removing his gaze from her eyes, lifted her up, his knees bending, slowly taking his time, as he slowly crouched his way down, to where the sleeping bag was, resting her head on the already place pillow, as he put her down. Going back to the box, he opened it up, and went back to her.. feeling so happy, so excited to know about their child, he could feel as though something were dancing in his eyes, alive. And from within the box, he picked up a perfect rose, it's bud still yet.. but, as he lay down over her, his legs besides her, not wanting to straddle her, but, just looking into her.. he held up that perfect rose. No thorns, just leaves, and a lovely red. His breathing became faster, his nervousness growing. Was it still yet the morning? It felt as though days were passing, with every passing moment, as if he had no time. He was.. so happy. So happy to know she would not abandon him. So happy to know that they would have a child.

"... I-I've p-practiced t-these w-words, s-so m-many t-times.. s-so m-many t-times.. b-but I-I always s-stuttered th-them, th-though t-there's l-little t-time t-to share b-between u-us.. b-but, I-I m-must a-ask.."

Swallowing nervously, his left hand, which he was leaning on, to support himself over her, almost shook, but he resisted it, as he forced a little bit of his energy up the stem, as it flowed through the petals of the bud.. opening up to reveal a white-gold silver ring.. With a huge blush, he resisted to shake with fear, and sad with a rakishly nervous, but visibly large smile on his face..

"..Madelyn Moore... will you marry me?"

[madelyn]

Madelyn had known a lot of fear in her life. Dating back eleven years prior to today she had known fear everyday. Yet somehow this fear.. this wiating fear it was so very hard to just wait for his reaction. To know if he would still accept her after this. They had made a mistake in not using any sort of protection that night and truthfully she did not mind. She loved him still and would love him yet even if he decided she was not worth keeping around. She could only wait as her heart raced in her chest as she tried not to cry. She didn't want to leave the comforting embrace of the man she loved yet when.. if.. he rejected her she would go. She would be strong and she would go. The child growing inside her would be the only product of..

Her eyes shut tight when she heard his surprise. She knew of course it would be a surprise heck it had been a surprise to her too. She had not intended nor expected for this to happen yet it had and she didn't care anymore. She was happy she was elated that together they had created this child. His voice again as he lifted her face to look into his eyes. She was afraid so deathly afraid of what she might see there. The rejection.. yet .. she wasn't sure. For the first time in her life she paniced in the arms of the man she loved she paniced because for the first time in their relationship she couldn't read her eyes. Fear over took her yet... there was something deeper as she nodded in answer. Yes, she was pregant with his child. Together they had created something beautiful. Something pure. And perfect.

Gasp.

...Oh my God you're so.. beautiful..

Tear.

She trembled in his grasp as these whispered words came out of his mouth and her eyes widened. He was the one that was beautiful she was.. just normal. Carrying their child yes, but still only human. Still tainted and still unworthy of the love of this man. But she couldn't leave him.. never could she leave him because her love for him so so deep. So very deep rooted into her soul. Closer to her he came and she just looked up at him shocked.. shocked that he was going to accept her.. accept them. He kissed her and for a moment all was lost as she kissed his lips gently back waiting for him to tell her what he thought. This waiting was slowly ripping her apart. The kiss broke and she looked back up into his eyes. His hand moved hers away and she leaned back just a little unsure of what he was going to do. Her shirt lifted up slightly and she looked up at him unsure what he was going to do. His hand.. oh sweet Lord his hand carressed her stomach and her eyes closed. He was carressing their child.. her stomach.. oh...

His hand.. oh she hadn't thought it could get better yet.. his hand it fell away and there were his lips. Her eyes opened for a moment before slipping closed again. He kissed her stomach and tears rolled down her face. He accepted her. He accepted their baby. Loved it already. Already they were a family married or not they were a family. She let the tears roll as she had never been happier in her life. What in the world could top this feeling? He looked up at her and .. what was that look? She didn't know but she locked her gaze onto his and she blushed as he stroked the bite he gave her earlier. The one she had forgotten about as it was no longer sensitive. But now as his thumb brushed over the skin she almost gasped at the stroking. She kissed him back so sensual.. so loving.. so .. soulful.

He pulled the duffel closer after breaking the gentle kiss and she looked up at him. A small black box came out of the bag and she was unsure as to what was in the box yet she was silent. She wanted to find out when he was ready. A girl who doesn't speak often has a lot of patience. And here.. well it was being tried because she wanted to know. But then he picked her up and she looked into his eyes her hand on his cheek knowing whatever he had planned would be wonderful and she couldn't wait to find out what it was. He lay her down on the sleeping bag and her head cradled into the pillow as he picked up the box. Her eyes watching him almost senseing the tension. Out of the box he took the most perfect rose she had ever seen. She gasped at the beauty of it all but there was more.. it was in his language.. his eyes as he leaned over her.

His words. She never really even noticed his stutter yet now it seemed even worse than before yet.. perfect. He was always perfect in every way. Her eyes opened wide. What did he want to tell her? What was it he was so nervous about. That blush came to his face and her eyes they longed to comfort him. Yet she stalled. She looked down at the rose and inhaled sharply. The bud opened and in the center was a white gold ring with an sapphire in the center. She looked up at him and then back down to the ring.. once more.. and again. Tears. Once more tears fell down her eyes but they were happy ones. Jonathan took the ring out of the rose gently and placed it on her left hand. She looked up into his eyes. Time .. for his other gift.

"I.. I have something.. for you." she said softly as she leaned forward and let her left hand now supporting his ring lay on his cheek as she kissed him for a passion filled moment before she pulled back to give him his other gift. "I worked.. hard to learn.. this for you."

She opened her mouth looking directly into his beautiful grey eyes and began to sing.

Ich werde in die Tannen gehen
Dahin wo ich sie zuletzt gesehen
Doch der Abend wirft ein Tuch aufs Land
und auf die Wege hinterm Waldesrand
Und der Wald er steht so schwarz und leer
Weh mir, oh weh
Und die Vögel singen nicht mehr

Never in her life had she thought she would meet someone like this. She had not expected to come to arcane and find anything besides maybe less beatings. Yet, here she had found friends and she had found.. love something she had never assumed she was worthy of.

Ohne dich kann ich nicht sein
Ohne dich
Mit dir bin ich auch allein
Ohne dich
Ohne dich zähl ich die Stunden ohne dich
Mit dir stehen die Sekunden
Lohnen nicht

Though she knew that she would have to eventually survive without the love of her life she still knew that this song best represented them. What they were. Because though he would not be there to hold her and kiss her he would always be in her heart. So she would never be without him.

Auf den Ästen in den Gräben
ist es nun still und ohne Leben
Und das Atmen fällt mir ach so schwer
Weh mir, oh weh
Und die Vögel singen nicht mehr

When he did go of course she would be sad. Yet, again he would always be there. And in her soul she knew that no matter what she would never find someone that meant as much to her as he did. He was the love she had craved her entire life and he was her soul. Together and only together were they whole. Together they were complete.

Ohne dich kann ich nicht sein
Ohne dich
Mit dir bin ich auch allein
Ohne dich
Ohne dich zähl ich die Stunden ohne dich
Mit dir stehen die Sekunden
Lohnen nicht ohne dich

_-Rammstein-

Her song finished and she smiled and blushed at the same time. She had worked very hard to get the pronuciations right. German for her was hard. English being difficult enough but German .. was even more so. Yet she had stumbled and worked hard she only hoped that the end result was what he would want. She looked up at him. She loved him so much. And she kissed him. She threw herself into his arms and she kissed him her lips showing him how much she truly loved him. How much she cared. How much he meant to her.

Her world.

[Jonathan Winters *Deceased*]

People do many things to express their love for one another these days. Some write poetry, others sing poetry, others do both, and maybe have a guitar to sing along with to their loved one. Bundles of roses, little trinkets that just say underneath each of them, from the giver, 'I love you', making the person who receives it remember how much they are fond of their deeply close friend.. either fiancee, spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, and in some cases, a lover of an intimate bond. But, when a person does something truly incredible, like, do painstaking work to dedicated something to you, create something that only you would personally admire.. or in this case, memorize a song in your own language.. perhaps even having learned a little of your real language.. that is how you truly win someone over. Even if they are already, it was times like these... why he was so glad that he'd met her on that first fateful day, glad that he bonded with her, glad that she was baring his child, glad that she let him put on the ring onto her finger. Yes, she was beautiful, having such an innocent face, and physical features that only complimented her further... but it was the kindness in her soul that he could feel emenating from her, the love that they shared, these... things, about her, and so much more... so much more then simplistic feelings and thoughts.. that he knew he truly loved her. Tears were falling from his eyes, as he wept, smiling so broadly, as she finished touching the final note in the song. Ohne Dich. Ohne Dich, indeed, Madelyn. Ohne Dich, where would I be without you, now..? Still that empty soldier with clipped wings and no soul?

Thoughts could wait. She was kissing him.

Instinct wanted to take over.

But no.. this had to be done... right.

Clasped onto him, kissing him, he kissed her back, not bothering to brush away his happy tears, letting her feel them from his face to hers, as his left hand lightly touched up on the side of her face, caressing her, not onto him, but just.. caressing her in general. "Ich liebe sie.. Madelyn.. Iche liebe sie.. s-so m-much.."

For what he'd put on her finger.. she seemingly matched it, and overmatched it. Indebted again in her love. He'd have to set to work, paying off the debt. His right hand... slowly going around her waist, gently, so as to not cause suspicion, quietly, in a sudden, but gentle movement, just remembering at the last minute that she may feel sick at this, flipping them, so that she was on the sleeping bag... and he was on top. Straddling her right leg, only slightly, he seemed to have other thoughts, actually, as he reached back for the rose, and held it up, before himself, and looked back at her. He felt as though... whenever he wanted to caress her, he could never hold her gently enough..

The rose descended down, as did his face, as he was about to kiss her, his face tilting to the side lightly, when the rose's petals came first... and slowly nipped at her mouth, being the only thing between them. His head backing up, as he leaned back, but not enough so the feelings in his body couldn't be felt. He made no attempt to move any part of his body against her.. just the rose, as it travelled, lightly, just barely touching onto her pure skin, going up to her cheek, as in the usual gesture of how he'd cup if, before kissing her lips, letting the cool petals glide against her, up to her forehead, pecking it with the petals, as it made its way, taking its time, over to the chin.. ebbing towards the edges of her shirt settling at her heart, between her bust, as a light kiss to her heart. He was beginning to feel.. aroused, by this, and wondering if this was turning her on to..

..For what he had in mind would allow him to use the rose more.. extensively... but, there was too much clothing on her yet.. No, he'd resist kissing her, for now... it was hard, but.. if she felt as good as he hoped she felt from this, if not better... he wanted to... do so much, express how much he felt for her, in the silence, doing whatever he could with his motions to show it. Again and again, he would say it, but, it would never stop the fact that he felt highly embaressed doing this to her, never going to get over the fact that.. he loved her. And she loved him back.

Something.. in his eye. A tear? A glint of happiness?

Leaves fell from the tree, as the wind blew..