When Sorrow Breaks (Lucian)

[madelyn]

It was dusk. The sky that God had painted this evening was more beautiful than ever before. The wind blew softly through the branches of the trees the leaves singing a soft melody reaching the ears of those around. Yet really no one was around to enjoy such a scene as this aside from one fascinated young girl. But tonight was different than nights previous. Usually she watched the sunset with a special someone in her dorm but tonight she hadn't gone to their room. She needed some time for a moment.

And so the young girl sat on a bench. Her blonde hair was down for a change as it blew in the wind. Her violet blue eyes seemed to sparkle for different reasons. One was the sunset that played off the beautiful color of her eyes. She had eyes that no one else had ever seen. And they sparkled because of the tears that fell down her face.

Her husband the one man she loved more than herself was going to be gone soon. And you would think to ask why she was sitting here instead of spending that time with him. But she had to be strong with him. Strong so that he could go on and be at peace. Strong because she wanted him not to worry about leaving her behind with twins to care for herself. She didn't want him to know the gaping hole that her heart was left with now that she knew it was two weeks before his death would commence.

She wiped her face because she had to be strong but it was so hard to be. So very hard at times when he did something like smile that special way he had for her and it made her heart constrict wondering just how many times she might see that again. She had to cook dinner soon, had to remain there giving him the everyday comforts til the end. Making life flow like normal so he wouldn't notice. So he wouldn't see how hard this was for her. She was being strong. She was being a wife and a future mother. She was everything but a widow. Though sometimes she relented like now and sat somewhere alone as always and cried silently.

[Lucian]

Dusk, a wonderful time of day, not quite night but not quite day either. It was a bizarre little in betweeen moment before the Earth finally went to sleep for the night. Lucian liked dusk because of it's uniqueness and the fact that no other time of day was truly like it, except for maybe dawn. Lucian thought about the polar opposition of dawn and dusk, the daily death of the earth which gave way to it's rebirth the next morning.

He strolled across the grounds of the Academy, enjoying the onset of the evening. Lucian enjoyed the peace that seemed to settle over the Academy at this time of day. It was rather quiet, which was quite a rare thing for the Academy even at night it was sometimes quite noisy. He supposed that was one of the reprecussions of the packing a large building full of potential and budding mages together.

As he walked across the grounds he noticed a small girl sitting on the bench. He did not recognize her at first but then he caught a glimpse of those wide, innocent violet eyes. Madelyn, his really one true friend here at the Academy so far. Lucian was surpised, he had been here for a little while and had only really made one friend and that was Madelyn. Something seemed wrong, her breathtaking violet eyes were sparkling but not with happiness, tears were welling up in her eyes. He approached her with a soft smile, "Hello there Madelyn," he said, stepping in front of her, looking down at her with a faint, warm smile.

[madelyn]

A voice. A voice of a friend. She had very few of those. Phae.. Lucian. It was Lucian that spoke now. They had drank tea together that one time. In the sunlight casting down in her small room. He had come after knocking her down. They had bonded both had painful pasts and they had a good time he didnt' seem to mind that she didn't speak. He accepted it as part of who she was and that meant a lot to her.

Blinking softly two tears simultaneously fell down her cheeks and she quickly wiped them away. Why was it his voice could bring the tears out of her eyes. To fall down like crystalline diamonds changing colors in the fading light of the day. Her violet eyes shifted up and there he was right in front of her. No one else was around on this beautiful evening besides her and this one man. She blinked back the tears and put a smile on. Time to be strong again.

She waved at him and patted the bench next to her. He could sit if he liked. She looked back up at the sky. She wasn't sure why he had come up to her. She didn't look like she had anything going on. Unless she had faltered. Granted she was out here to let herself grieve and feel the pain but even then she couldn't bare to show her weakness. She was completly weak. She wasn't worthy of anything muchless the care of others. She put up a strong front but inside she was weak and hurting.

Each day she lived only to sleep so she could live again. It was as if her life had become just a battle to get through the day. To act as normal as possible so he wouldn't see. See the pain that coursed through her body the pain that made her wish every day that god would bless him and let him live. She was trying to let go but she couldn't. She couldn't, not until he was really gone and even then she wasn't sure.

She would wait to see if he sat down. If so perhaps they could share the sunset or he could talk to her if he wanted to. She was trying to be strong again becuase that was what she needed to be. The wind lifted up a few strands of her blonde hair and made them dance softly on the breeze.

[Lucian]

Lucian smiled and nodded softly as she patted the seat on the bench beside her. He sat down, noticing the two tear stained tracks leading down her cheeks. She had been crying, but about what he did not know. She was a very fragile girl, both emotionally and physically, she needed someone there for her to protect her and be strong for her. He smiled gently as the wind played with her hair. Madelyn really was a beautiful girl, but she was so meek it was probably why she did not have many friends. Lucian was proud to be counted among the few that she called or wrote in most cases as friends.

"How are you this fine evening Madelyn?" he asked, looking over at her with a small smile. She seemed to like it when he smiled and she did not seem to be in the best of spirits right now so Lucian woul give a try at cheering her up, "Evening is a beautiful time of day is it not?" he asked, trying to make basic conversation. He did not want to probe what exactly was wrong with her just yet.

Madelyn, she reminded him so much of his own sister. They were both so pure and innocent, as much as Madelyn was a reminder of the forgiveness his sister had no doubt granted him she was also a reminder of his greatest sin. He would protect this girl, in order to make up for he grievous sin he had comitted against his sister. That would help put his conscience at rest even though he knew he was forgiven, it helped to do something to make up for it.

[madelyn]

And he sat. Sat next to her. It seemed that he was one of the few people that didn't think she was weird or strange because she chose not to speak. Her voice was rarely heard and only by Jon. Keiya had heard it once but she hadn't seen him in months. Aside from that it was just that no one really took the time to get to know a silent girl like herself. She wore her emotions on her shoulders so many times her face like an open book a lot. But no one took the time to learn how to read her eyes or her words.

She spoke more than anyone ever knew but no one listened. She spoke so easily without words letting them filter into the world but no one saw. They were only bent on the spoken words and yes those were fine but Madelyn hadn't spoken in so very long sometimes she was shocked she still could. Trama had been her past and it was her present now. Her life was riddled with pain and only Jon had ever brought her any semblance of happiness. But now too pain was on the horizon and she had no choice but to let it take over her life and let it consume her once more. Perhaps she would go silent again. Never speak to another soul.

No.. that wasnt it. She would speak to her children. They would know the voice of their mother. They would hear the stories of their father and perhaps through them she would grow up a little and become the girl that she might have been had her parents not been murdered and her uncle not quite so cruel. Lucian spoke to her and she turned to listen to his voice. She liked his tattoos she wasn't sure why but they always made her want to trace them and she did so often when she saw him.

She pulled out her pad and pen and clicked the green clicky pen that held her favorite color within its ink.

-It is a beautiful evening. The colors, they seem to say so much. The world it so beautiful we are so lucky to live here. To see a sunset and sunrise everyday. I wake early so that I can see them both. For I don't want to miss anything. ... How are you Lucian?- she wrote to him and handed her pad to him.

She leaned against his shoulder and brought her left arm up her pointer finger extended as she began to trace his tattoos. It was soothing in a way she could almost just lose herself in the designs he had there. She traced them softly as she stayed silent.

[Lucian]

He smiled softly as she handed him the pad and he read what she had wrote. Even though she never talked she had a way of communicating more intimately than anyone he had ever known. She was able to talk without ever having to talk or in most cases even write. It was like she herself was a walking notebook and everything she wanted to say was written on her. Lucian admired this ability of hers, to communicate without actually communicating at all. Though he suspected not many others did or took the time to notice how much she spoke without speaking or else the girl would have many more friends. Though Lucian hoped she never sacrificed this talent of hers in order to gain more friends.

He handed the pad back to her after having read it, "I'm fine, but I'd be better if you told me what was bothering you," he said with a soft smile as she leaned against him and started tracing the designs of his tattoos, "You do not hide your emotions Madelyn, one just has to look at you in the right light and you could not hide anything from them," he said his voice softer, "Something is causing you great pain....please tell me?" he asked, the fact that she was hurting almost made him hurt.

[madelyn]

He handed her back the pad and she sat it in her lap. She didn't stop tracing the intricate designs on his arms. she had no idea what they meant but she knew that they were where his magic came from and she loved them. They were just so exotic and neat it was one of those things that just made her relax to lose herself in the hypnotic embrace of his tatoos. She closed her eyes when he began to speak.

She sighed softly as her lower lip trembled. She was shaking, trembling, hanging onto him for dear life as she fought her body for control over her emotions. She clenched his strong arm feeling his muscles. She barely probably even put all that much pressure on him. She wasn't a strong girl physically but she was stronger than most thought mentally. She opened her eyes and looked up at him before she let her emotions win and hugged him tightly as she sobbed into his shoulder.

Her sobs were heard and they were loud as she cried so many tears that she had kept locked away for so long. She cried for so many reasons but one most of all. The man she had given her heart and soul to was going to die. He was going to die in two weeks and she didn't want to say goodbye. She hit Lucian's back with her tiny weak fist as she cried hard her body shaking and her sobs echoing through the area.

The world was against her. It was so cruel. Parents murdered, her uncle gaining custody, her finally getting away from him, meeting a man she could trust. Who loved her. Who was with her every day and then suddenly finding that he wouldn't be with her any longer. That she would live her life alone again but this time with twins. At least she could help the twins be happy. And so she cried as she clung to him and she showed her her left hand her sapphire wedding rings around one finger as she cried and sobbed soaking his shirt.

[Lucian]

Lucian watched as the question watched over her. She started to tremble at first, trying to fight back the flood of emotions that threatened to unloose themselves. He watched her with a newfound respect, she was much stronger mentally then he had previously thought. From the way she sobbed and beat his back with her fists as she clutched him tightly she had been holding this back for quite some time. Lucian wrapped his arms around her to comfort her, she was strong indeed, a lot stronger than he had given her credit for.

"It's okay Madelyn...it's okay to cry," he said softly, stroking her hair comfortingly as she cried into him. Lucian was glad that he was here to help her through this. The way she was crying, something was very wrong, she was losing someone or something dear to her. That could be the only cause of such pitiful sobbing as the kind she was producing. It brought a small tear to his own eye as he held her.

Then she showed him the ring and it all made sense. Her husband, he was dieing. Lucian sighed a little bit and hugged her more tightly, to reassure her that he was there for her. There was no need for words right now, silence would suit them just fine as he held her and let her unleash her anguish at the situation that had befallen her. Lucian continued to stroke her hair, he would be here for her, no one deserve to go through something like this alone.

[madelyn]

Madelyn felt him pulled her over to him. She was a small slight girl that weighed very little. He could move her easily as much as he worked out. Heck Jonathan could move her easily. She felt him wrap her up in his strong arms and stroke her hair gently. He told her it was okay to cry and she cried all the harder. Her body was crying so hard it was hard to breathe at times.

The emptiness that she felt. The gaping whole where her heart had once lived. It had been dying. Slowly but surely that heart that he had warmed was dying the ice no longer their to protect what had once been cold. It wasn't cold in the sense that she kept people away but cold in the sense that she had no one near her. No one close. And she had finally let someone .. no not someone. She had let Jonathan in and he had begun to heal her. To heal the wounds that few saw. To heal the ones that no one got to see the scars all over her body that were testiment to her tortures of the past. Sure on the outside and clothed Madelyn just looked like a weird little girl that was quiet all the time. But hidden below her clothing were ugly horrid scars.

But more than on her body were the scars that coated her heart and her soul. Another one added that was larger than all the rest. God was taking away the man she loved more than life. She would gladly sacrifice herself for him if only.. if only. But no, no matter how many times she prayed she knew it wouldn't happen. God had given her two tiny lives to care for instead but that right now was not helping the fact that her heart had blackened and now was dying. She would not have a warm body next to her at night, nor would she have anyone to cook breakfast for or play her music for. She wouldn't have that smiling face when she came home or did something nice. No more times to play music together or to sit and watch the sunset.

Sunset. It was such a magical time of the day. Normally watched in Jonathan's arms and now here she was balling into another man's arms. No it wasn't adultrey she didn't love or want to kiss or be intimate with Lucian. But he had found her and she had weakened and now she was letting go months of pain and sorrow. It was half an our later when she finally ran out of tears. Her body was still upset very upset her stomach heaving in dry heaves. Her body completely worn out as she had let so much go all at once a dam that had kept so much back burst.

She fell silent. Silent her face was a mess his shirt was as well. She didn't wear makeup so luckily it wouldn't stain. She began to breathe softly through her mouth since she couldn't through her nose at the moment. She closed her swollen and red eyes and leaned there against him. Her strength was gone as she looked up at the sky. The stars were coming out slowly and she just watched them and moved into Lucian's lap so he wouldn't have to contort his body to hold her as she was still heaving trying to get herself under control.

[Lucian]

There was nothing Lucain could really do except hold her and let her cry. He let her cry, holding her tightly as she let out all of her pent up sadness and anguish. Lucian himself felt tears coming to his eyes as she sobbed and wailed pitieously. He could understand why she was so upset though. He really did think her such a strong person to be able to contain the emotions that were now flooding out for so long. All Lucian really could do his hold her and let her cry. Her husband must have been quite the man to provoke such an emotional response out of her. One that she had been holding back for quite some time apprently, she was much stronger than he had anticipated. He almost felt bad for underestimating her so much.

He knew she had something of a horrible past. He did not know much about it besides the fact that her Uncle had abused her. Certainly that compounded with the fact she was losing the love of her life definitely would not do well for the psyche of this fragile girl. Lucian sighed softly as he held her tightly in his arms, letting her sob and cry as much as she wanted. Life was so cruel sometimes, so very cruel.

Some half an hour later she was done crying. The sun was almost set now and it had grown considerably darker since he had first arrived and sat with her. He looked down at her with a solemn expression. His hand reached up to gently wipe away the stray tears from her cheeks, a soft but sad smile formed on his lips as he did, "I know it may not mean much Madelyn but I am sorry for what you are going through, I will be here for you if you need anyone to talk to or just be with," he whispered as he stroked her hair soothingly in an effort to calm her.

[madelyn]

She was held. It was all he could really do but really that was what she needed. She had never needed someone besides Jon before. But right now, she couldn't do this with him. Strong was what Jonathan needed and that was what she was. She couldn't be anything else because she had to show him that she didn't mind that he was leaving her.

He didn't have control over something like that and she didn't want him to feel guilty about marrying her. Because the thing she would remember most would be the wedding that they shared together. She leaned against Lucian as he stroked her hair and told her that he was here for her. To talk. To just be there. He was here for her. She nodded softly as she closed her small delicate eyelids.

She sighed softly as she relaxed into his arms. She really didn't trust anyone but Lucian had shown her a kindness he had not shown anyone else. Reminded him of his sister he had told her and if that was what it took to take a man that was crude to everyone to be nice and sweet to her then she would take it. She remembered that first day that he had been tearing down the halls of the academy literally knocking students out of his way. When she had come trying not to be in anyone's way she had walked right into Lucian. Falling on the ground her book and flute as well she had cringed. That was all she ever did. She knew the looks of the boys around him that seemed to be afraid why wouldn't he hurt her?

But instead in a rather harsh tone he had told her to get up and get her things. She had done so but then he had asked her name and they had gotten to be friends. Finding common pain in their past. Death of family. They had bonded over tea and cookies and now she was the only real friend she had these days. She nuzzled into him softly and pulled her pad up to write.

-Luc, thank you, for everything.. I'm sorry about your shirt.-

She gave it to him without even looking as she was fighting her body that was trying to fall asleep. She had let so much emotion go and her body was so tired of fighting. She placed one hand on her stomach. She had to get the twins to calm down too. They moved around so much even though it was still so early in her pregnancy. She wondered silently if all magical children were like this or not. She began to drift to sleep. His touch was soothing her. Her hair.. it was one of her weaknesses, near instant relaxation if she trusted you.

[Lucian]

Lucian held her tightly against him, still stroking her hair. It seemed to calm her down as he felt her tiny little body relaxing against him. He smiled softly, it felt good to be there for her. She seemed to need someone to rely on, though she was trying so very hard to be strong on her own. Jonathan was a lucky man to have such a special girl be this deeply in love with him. Lucian had never really known this kind of deep love before. She was absolutely devoted to Jonathan, so much so that despite the sadness and anguish she was feeling over his impending death she was willing to try and remain strong for him.

Lucian found himself wondering if he would ever know that sort of devotion and adoration and be able to return it. He sighed inwardly, he always put on that tough exterior, pushing people away but he really did want a special deep relationship like the one Madelyn and Jonathan seemed to share. He envied them because he seemed only content with furthering his own abilities and physical strength he really did long for companionship. He had not really had a friend or close relationship since the day he murdered his family and set out for the Academy, Madelyn was his first.

He smiled faintly as he held her in his arms, thinking of the day they had first met. She had bumped into him and he looked down, prepared to lash out at the unsuspecting girl. That was when he noticed the look of innocent terror in her eyes and that was when all the tough exterior he had seemed to melt away. It was those large violet, innocent eyes, they seemed to make it impossible to be mad at her. He smiled softly as she handed him the pad which told him she thanked her. Lucian chuckled gently at the new nickname, Luc, he liked it.

"Let's go Madelyn," he whispered as he picked up her small form, she seemed to be sleeping or near sleep. It was no wonder she had not passed out yet, the emotions she had poured out had to have been tiring physically. He returned to his room, laying her gently on his bed as he sat in the living room, flipping tv channels idly.

[madelyn]

Madelyn barely heard him tell her it was time to go. Lost off in her own dream land that was pulling her more towards sleep every second. Her small fragile looking little body was not very strong physically. She wanted to work on that. She had to be strong because that was what this world needed her to be. No longer could she seem to survive being weak and timid. Meek and scared. She had to face the world. Right now she wasn't ready for that but she was trying. And that was all she could do right now, was try.

She didn't even feel her body being picked up as she was carried in Lucian's strong arms as she slept off all the emotions she had just unloaded.

***

"Where are you Madelyn? Are you hiding from Uncle Barn today?" came the teasing and smoothe voice of her uncle.

Madelyn was indeed hiding it was raining outside. That was a bad sign. He never liked the rain and made sure it was the same for her. As soon as the first dropplets fell on the tin roof of the house she would hide. She knew that once he found her it would be bad but there was always that hope that maybe this time.. this time he wouldn't find her.

"Madelyn, come tell Uncle Barn all about your day." he said with a snide and wicked smile knowing the girl full well hadn't spoken in years.

She shivered softly trembling because she knew in this small farm house it was not going to take him long to think of every place she could be hiding. And it was definatly not long for him to realize the last place she had been was the kitchen and now.. that would be where she was. There was only one door out of the kitchen and he had been watching it. Into the kitchen he came like a snake looking for his prey. He looked around at the pristine kitchen.

"Such a good little girl, come let me give you a REWARD!" he said as he threw back the curtain to the pantry and there she was cringing behind the flour sacks.

He reached in with his rather large hand and grabbed that annoying ponytail and pulled her out of the kitchen. Stupid girl rarely made noise even with pain but today it wasn't going to be the lash. No that was getting old and her back wasn't pretty anymore it was time to decide on another course of action. Litterally lifting her up by her pony tail he slammed her down on the table like a broken doll. She yelped softly and closed her eyes as he got the rope and began to tie her down. Oh yes the entertainment tonight would be a bit more.. painful.

She cried silently as he got the knife from the block where they were kept by the sink. The newly cleaned knife from her dinner last night. She shivered as he ran it over the skin on her leg. She had worn a skirt today which only made the first part of this little time even more fun. Lifting it slightly he grinned evily and watched her as he slide the point down to her skin and pressed in a small bead of blood running down onto the table she squirmed. She bit her lower lip trying not to make any noise as she slammed her violet blue eyes shut.

Across her thigh he cut slowly. It wasn't a fast cut that would allow the pain to come but start to go and numb as the endorphines, adreneline, and her body began to take over. No no he wanted it to hurt and it did. She shivered and trembled her hands in fists as she let the tears flow down her cheeks. He laughed as he finally pulled the knife out of her thigh and ran the knife over her face leaving her own blood to marr her perfect skin for now.

The knife pressed in an inch lower to repeat the process. The skin already so painful in that area from the first one was doubley painful now. She screamed out.
**

Madelyn woke with a start. She didn't want to cry again no she wouldn't it was time to be strong once more. Her eyes opened as she began to catch her breath sitting up in some strange bed she had never been in before. She was scared at first but then she remembered she had been with Lucian and it was probably his room since she had apparently fallen asleep.

But right now she couldn't breath. She clung to the bed overs and her breathing was harsh and she stared off at the wall as she tried to catch it. Slowly her panic died. Her uncle was gone he couldn't hurt her anymore but that didn't mean he still didn't haunt her life. She closed her eyes for a moment and placed her hands on her stomach.

Getting out of the bed she rubbed her eyes. She was very tired but she had to be a wife. She had to cook dinner, do the laundry, clean the room, make sure all of Jon's things were ready for him in the morning when he woke. It was today that was time to change the sheets before bed and to make sure that everything was normal and okay. Except she was late. She walked out of the room and looked around with her swollen eyes. She went over to where Lucian sat on the couch and smiled strongly once again.

She would stay for a few moments and then go. Give her a chance to look not half dead when she went home. Sniffing softly from tears or a cold it was hard to tell she leaned against Lucian's shoulder and placed her eyes on the tv. She took his hand and squeezed it gently before kissing it in thanks. She looked up at him with those violet eyes and they said it all to him. She was thankful to have a friend that cared for her and one that had gone through so much trouble to make sure she was allright. She smiled softly at him just looking up into his eyes.

[Lucian]

Lucian sighed softly with a hint of boredom as he flipped through the television channels. Infomerical, reality tv show, dating show, cartoon, campy sci-fi movie, how could there be so many television channles and nothing at all on to watch. He considered doing a bit of weight lifting and was moving to his back weight room to get started. That was when he heard Madelyn awake with a start, it was soft, but loud enough to catch his attention. He returned to the couch as she came out of his bedroom and moved over to the couch, sitting down beside him. He smiled softly as she took his hand and kissed it gently.

Looking down into those beautiful violet eyes of hers, the message passed to him silently, "You're welcome Madelyn," he whispered softly as he hugged her gently. She continued to stare up at with him those deep beautiful violet orbs and he felt himself growing lost in them. Madelyn really was a beautiful girl, Lucian almost felt bad for thinking her beautiful since she was still married. Her husband was dieing and she was going through a rough time and here was checking her out. Lucian was a little disgusted with himself but he could not help it, she was attractive, he could not deny that.

"I am glad I could be there for you tonight," he said with a gentle smile, hugging her again softly. Those innocent, violet eyes one could get lost in them so easily, "Jonathan's a very lucky man," he said pulling back with the gentle smile still playing on his lips. Lucian felt a bit bad for remarking like that, her husband was dieing soon why would he bring him up after she had just exhausted herself crying about him, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have..." he said, his voice trailing off softly as he looked down a little bit.

[madelyn]

Madelyn felt the hug. Lucian.. he could read her eyes so well and she couldn't help but smile. So many people couldn't read her like he and Jonathan could. She hugged him back and nuzzled into his shoulder gently closing her eyes for as long as the hug lasted. He was warm and friendly and the closest friend she had. Taking her in here he was so sweet but now she really had to return to her strong world and to live like any normal family that isn't losing their other half.

She heard him say that Jonathan was a lucky man and she blushed deeply looking down finally breaking the contact with their eyes. She pulled some of her platinum blonde hair over her shoulder and began to run her fingers through it idly. No one had ever said that before. She was completely caught off guard. He appologized and her head shot up her finger and placed it on his lips. Her eyes went back up to his and she looked deeply into them and shook her head. He shouldn't take back a compliment.

Smiling softly she got out her pad and wrote him a note. Her script was fluid and beautiful practice from all the years she had written and not spoken. She thought about what she wanted to say for a moment and then her pen began to move gracefully across the note pad.

-Luc, thank you so much for taking care of me today. You are my best and truest friend. I'm glad I met you. You are very nice even though you try to hide it. Thank you for letting me see who you really are. I like this Lucian. -

Yes, she even drew the happy face as she wrote her dorm number on the page and tore it off folding it up she placed it in his hand. She rose and put her pad in her bag and leaned in slowly blushing she kissed his cheek. Leaning back she smiled and waved at him before she took off for the door leaving his room with one more smile before she closed the door and headed off back to home.