Notes of a Dying Heart (Winters)

[madelyn]

This is my new room. This is the place where I will sleep and look up at the moon and the stars while it is dark and the world is dreaming. I do not dream I have nightmares the haunting visions that keep me awake.

These thoughts ran through the thin girls mind as she stood in the center of her room. Her box of things, yes only one box was sitting in the center of the room and she crossed to it and opened it. There were her clothes and her bedding and a few books. Her flute and some music. Period.

A chirp was heard behind her and she smiled. There was Mariko sitting on the unmade bed her little canary in it's white cage she had bought and fixed up from a antique shop. A rare and beautiful smile crossed the blonde's face as she crossed the room with speed and picked up her cage.

chirp chirp was her only greeting from the little bird and the girl giggled. This bird was her only family a gift from her foster father before she left.

She moved to the window and hung up Mariko on a small nail so that she could look out the window together as they had done at home. Mariko now looking out the window and chirping happily singing her own song Madelyn turned back to her box.

The first thing she would need was her bedding and she pulled them out of the box. White sheets and white duve' she liked clean and pristine. Colors were nice but soft ones but she had always been partial to the pureness of white. She made the bed in no time. No wrinkles could be seen and the duve' was folded half way down her pillow was dressed in it's case and sat at the top of the bed. She did all this with little or no emotion crossing her face.

The closet was much bigger than she would ever need for her minimal amount of clothing. She pulled out two skirts one white one blue jean both just coming above her knees when worn on her small stature. Two pairs of jeans both dark colored besides the ones she was wearing as she put them too up in the closet folded carefully and precicely on her shelf. Ten, exactly ten shirts five collared and button down of all pastel colors and five t shirts also pastel except the one black one hung in the closet a few minutes later looking so small and insignificant in the large area.

The three books all poetry she took our of her box and placed them upright on her desk before grabbing her music and placing it too on the desk and then her most precious possession. Her flute.

She took it out and put it together carefully suddenly forgetting the door to her room was open. Moving to the window she sat upright on the deep window sill and began to play. The notes filled the room and the girl began to feel her own emotions. Her face usually so quiet and so blank now showed her pain but also her relief at being here. The notes were gentle reminding her of a spring rain.

[Jonathan Winters *Deceased*]

Days of such had often been nothing but typical routine. Phaedra Weiss had gone to Germany with her fiancee, Junpei Taltos, who, although gave Jonathan a good, first bad impression by shoving him against the wall, in his rush to see Phae. But, he respected and understood Jun's brashness; it was a clear sign of how much he was concerned for her, and how much he loved her. Besides, they were all concerned. It was his arrival that had reawakened her... and for that much, Jonathan was glad. He had deep rooted feelings for Phae... but as a friend only. Infatuation was there, but infatuation easily dismissed, or supressed; Jonathan was far more respectful then that. More as a heavy concern for a friend, really, but with Junpei now reunited with her, Jonathan wouldn't have to worry about her... Rosenrot. She was ain good hands, with a man who loved her dearly. As such, with no one really to talk to, Jonathan had proceeded on with school work, worked out in the training room, ran around the school, and studied what he could. Might as well show himself to be a good student, a student that the D-13 could be proud to say, "We raised that boy."

Returning from the library, looking up on ways of how to reduce the amount of energy he used (not that he used much anyways, but, being conservative always helped) for a class assignment, he was walking through a hallway, he noticed that the doorway across from his dormitory was open. A few more steps, and he was at his door, when he paused for a while, thinking about the day for a little. Not much to look forward to, unfortunetly, but, it was a beautiful day.. the day was melodic, having a tinge of what inspired bits of green and blues, while in the grayish envirom- No, wait. Jonathan whirled around. That wasn't how the day was. It was one of routine. Music.. a flute playing... it was the sound of green grass blowing, the gentle rain drops from the sky coming down unto earth to take pleasure in the world's delights. Jonathan was somewhat astonished. This had happened to him once before, except, it was back in the D-13, with someone else playing the piano.. someone who made the world seem like only beautiful music, and every tinge of its stacatto, swaying and flowing making sound look as though it was not a sound, but a thing to see, a thing to see in the mind.

Taking a moment, he pondered to himself.. the door was open, beckoning, from whence the music was playing. In the silhouette in the background shadows of the room, he thought he could see the person playing the tune. Should he really go in? He had resisted curiosity on many ocassions on more important things, but... no, it was alright. There was nothing wrong, and hopefully, the person playing wouldn't mind a little audience. He'd need to take another pill soon, but, that could wait, that could wait for now. He was fairly well contained, when he hung around with Phae, even on the ocassion when he had not taken one. He looked down at himself.. was he presentable? He was wearing yet another white, short-sleeved shirt, ironed just the morning. His hair was... just long. And, his jeans were clean. Shrugging to himself, he figured, might as well. So he took the step, and stopped in the doorway.

His eyes widened a little, but he blinked it back down to normal, but there was a... there was a spark of interest in his eyes. From where the hues of the music of blues and greens, and the swashing of rain drops falling, there sat on the deep windowsill what appeared to be a delicate looking girl. She drew him in, his feet moving on their own, as he took a cautiously quiet step, and then another, and then, moved to the side, as if to lean against the wall, but then, decided to hold his arms crossed, holding one another. On Jonathan's face, there remained a blank look, but... in his eyes, his eyes danced with increasing interest. Who was this girl? Her songs, her music moved him. But, with another glance, he saw her face. A face that looked so innocent, yet so... so... what was the word? Pained? Relieved? She played so passionately, so into the music she was playing, from all Jonathan could guess, she was in the heart of her song. It would be rude to interrupt such a song, with its syllables portraying bits and pieces of something. Now, with her face in view, he not only saw the hues of green and blue, but of something else, something sadder, but the syllables, they came together, something that Jonathan enjoyed listening to. No, he would not interrupt. He stood, bending down his head slightly, listening, listening to the soft undertones of the music. One eye opened though, to look at her again. It closed quickly, looking away to not be rude, though she probably hadn't even noticed him yet. He hoped.. he hoped she would not mind his... presence there.

[madelyn]

Mariko swung around above her the bird chirping and singing with the simple song the girl was playing her eyes closed the window framing her body. Her flute in her small and thin hands as the song continued.

Picture in her mind...

A field .. a valley.. tall grass sways to and fro blowing in the soft and gentle breeze..birds sing in the trees whose leaves play a song of their own as the wind plucks at the green strings of life..the sun shone down on the field and filled the valley with warmth and light that made you feel that God alone was smiling down upon you..a gentle rain fell down upon the land but it seemed that only the bright and white fluffy clouds were above..blue skies above and green grass below..it was a perfect spring day in her own mind.

The song ended the flute suddenly stopped and the girl's arms moved down from her mouth to her lap and she sighed but made no noise. She faced the window and looked out around at the grounds. They were beautiful a garden was just down below and she smiled only a little before she turned.

Her eyes shot open wide as there was a boy in her room. His white hair hid his face but he was there leaning against her wall she stared at him. Her blue eyes wide in surprise and fear she couldn't move. She swallowed the lump in her throat she swore it was her heart but she couldn't be sure. She nodded to the boy when he would look up at her.

There was something about him. His face it was blank his eyes like her own were where their emotions lived. She smiled weakly at him and gave him another nod. She motioned to the bed with her hand and her eyes not making a noise then her gaze returned to the boy.

[Jonathan Winters *Deceased*]

The music stopped, ever so suddenly, but, it ended nicely, nicely. Raising back his head, eyes opened, he was greeted with a strange look from the girl. A feeling of light regret filled him. Should've at least knocked. But, she then nodded at him. Alright..? Standing straight, now, he nodded back, eyes still watching her, eyeing her curiously. She gave him a smile, somewhat fraily given, but a smile nonetheless. Apologetically, he bent down his head, scratching the back of his head, as if to say, 'sorry for barging in', although his face still showed nothing to help further convey the feeling. She nodded at him again, this time, however, gesturing towards her bed. The affects of his pill were beginning to wear off, but, he refused to be impolite. After all, he had decided to watch (sure, invisibility was a possibility, but, prying into one's privacy on that level was... just a violation, he felt) her play, so, he might as well. Nodding back to her again as well, he took a few steps, his feet making only small whispers of a sound, as they pressed against the floor, even though he walked normally, although, at a much slower pace. He kept his eyes focused on the bed, until he got to it, and then, taking his time to crouch down, sat down at a slow pace, leaning both of his hands behind himself, to keep himself sitting up.

He took a look at her, her gaze already on him, as he returned to look at her. Her eyes... they were a subtle, but strong blue.. violet blue, even. And her hair was blonde, although slightly more... well, more then just that.

... As she looked at him, he couldn't help but note that she was... kind of cut- No. Don't think that.

Wait, he thought that?

Jonathan slowly sat up a little more, bending forward, putting his hands on his lap, as he looked away, pushing down a slight rush of blood to his face. It wasn't right. But, he couldn't resist. His head looked back at her, and although his face was blank, he sort of did a small wave, with his right hand at her, nodding at her again.

[madelyn]

The blonde sat watching every move the white haired boy made. Her violet blue eyes followed him everywhere watching his emotions and his reactions to everything. She was definatly intriguied as he too had not spoken a word but that was good with her because it somehow made her feel more comfortable. Because he knew, he knew what it was like to want or need to live in a life filled with nothing but silence. She didn't know if he could speak and didn't as she or if he just plain couldn't.

She stood up and placed her flute back in her case carefully. She closed the case slowly letting her fingers linger on it a moment longer than necessary before she turned. She opened the top drawer of the desk and pulled out a spiral notebook and a pen. The pen was with green ink. She enjoyed green it was she supposed her favorite color. When she thought about that question that was the first answer that came to her mind.

She looked at Jonathan and swallowed. He waved. She smiled and blushed slightly as she waved back shyly. She looked down letting her hip length blonde hair hide her blush a bit more. She looked up and was already chewing on the corner of her lip as she took a hesitant step forward.

The real question was could she trust him. Could she really go sit beside him and tell him her name and hopefully not get hurt in the process. There had only so far in her life been two men she could trust. One her father and he had died when she was five and two was her foster father who was no longer her foster father. She looked at him but he seemed as shy and as silent as she. She slipped off her boots and sat them on the side next to the desk and now was only in barefeet and her jeans and t shirt. She closed the gap bravely and sat down quickly.

For a time she did nothing but stare straight ahead her hands on her notebook before she turned to the boy sitting next to her one foot of space between them. He could easily reach out and hit or hurt her. She was taking a major chance. But she had learned from her foster family that not everyone would hurt her and she really did want to know what it was like to have friends or more.

She clicked her pen open and opened the notebook to a ruled page. Her small thin and very delicate hand began to write in very fluid script.

I'm Madelyn. What is your name?

The put the pen ontop of the notepad and handed it to him with a smile. She looked at it and then back at him as if to say please answer. She wanted to get to know the man who had come into her room to listen to her play. She smiled up at him hoping that he would return it.

[Jonathan Winters *Deceased*]

When she waved back, although a little more discreetly, with what he thought to see as... her face getting a little, well, redder? It quickly went back down again, before Jonathan could confirm it with his own eyes again, as she put her head down, for reasons unknown to him. He eyed her face, particularly, when she took what appeared to be a fairly debated step towards him. Shy... shy as he was. In the recesses of his mind, Jonathan mind already had begun to whir. People were normally quiet because they either had a fairly bad experiance in life, such as himself, or, were just naturally quiet. He didn't want to break the silence first though, so, he kept his face still blank, but his eyes grew ever more curious, watching her carefully. Her hands held a green pen and a spiral notebook. Jonathan raised an eyebrow at this realization, but it went down just as quickly. Uncertain exactly of what to do, he continued to watch as she pulled off her boots, and walked off to set them besides her desk, and quickly went over to sit next to him, nearly making him jump out of instinct, but, his body stayed still.

There was a strange silence that followed. She glanced over to him, and he met her glance, still curious, and now, somewhat getting... nervous. Silence. He'd never known it to be so silent around another person besides himself. He felt himself to be even more foreign then usual, as if his presence was magnified by the silence. Yet, blinking his eyes a few time were enough to cure that thought, as he looked again at her, this time, as she had been resting her hands on her notebook, about a ruler's distance between them. With the click of her pen, he shivered at the sudden noise that broke the fairly long silence that had been held between them, as she flipped open her notebook, writing into it, he couldn't help noticing, very nicely, very nicely. Putting her pen on top of it, she handed it to him, which he quietly received, looking down on it, reading, I'm Madelyn. What is your name? Looking at it, slightly perplexed at this sudden pleasantry, he looked back at her, even more suprised by the fact that she was now smiling at him.

But it was her eyes that caught him. Her eyes..

She was an eye-smiler.

The look in her violet-blue eyes gave him a small request to respond. His eyes returned to look at her eyes with a smile of their own, as he shuffled his right hand into his shirt, as if to pull out his dog tag, before remembering that he could write it down. Pulling it back out, and hovering it over to the pen, he silently gripped it, holding the notebook upright with his left hand, his right hand writing, making a line underneath her question, before writing, 'I'm Jonathan' but, looking back at her, his eyes suddenly gave off an apologetic look, his face still slightly unresponsive, but only because he was supressing any facial features. He needed to take another pill; the other had worn off. But, that could wait, it could wait a little bit longer... nodding to her, he wrote underneath his name, 'I'm sorry for spying on you... but, your music sort of drew me in.' He would've put more, but, he'd already said a lot, even if it was just writing. Felt strange to him, and yet, not at all. Odd. Gingerly putting the pen onto the spiral notebook, he held out the notebook with two hands, back to her, very, very softly, as was part of his habit he had grown used to. His eyes watched her very carefully now. No. A product. Jonathan was a product. That's all there was to it.

... So why did it feel as though..

Jonathan's eyes flicked up to the ceiling, shaking his head a little, his hair covering up his eyes. Quietly, he supressed it, supressed it, supressed the thought. But he turned to look back at her, just as curious to see on how she would respond. He scratched the back of his head, shrugging slightly, still apologetic for walking in on her playing.

[madelyn]

This boy was silent. As silent as she was. Never had she thought in her life time that she would come across so silent a man such as the one that now sat an even foot from her. She liked it thought having someone that seemed to understand that the world need not be filled with noise and with speaking. He hadn't spoken a word and it was, nice.

He had returned her smile which made the one on her face grow even wider but her eyes became even more intense. She had yet to speak and she didn't want to. Hadn't spoken for the better part of eleven years and didn't intend to start. Besides it was easier with him he didn't pressure her to speak didn't even ask why she didn't. Truth was she had no answer for the reason she didn't speak it was soley that she didn't enough said.

He offered her the notepad the pen once more laid on top and she lifted her hands taking it from him hesitantly. Her eyes looked into his as if to say 'I'm trusting you' and she slid the notepad out of his hands. He was so gentle so kind in a way it seemed to her that given the chance he wouldn't hurt another living being. He was so soft and smoothe in her mind as she looked at him before turning her eyes to the pad.

I'm Jonathan
'I'm sorry for spying on you... but, your music sort of drew me in

She smiled brightly her eyes squinching only slightly as she looked up thanking him with her eyes and her smile. She stared at him her blue eyes staring into his own gaze. He was beautiful in a way that no other male she had ever met was. He had a depth about him that only made others falter. His physical beauty had nothing on what she saw in his eyes. Those deep and expressionistic eyes. She knew that like herself he used his eyes to convey his emotions and she wondered now why he had locked his own away.

She wondered what it would be like to touch him. Would his skin be smooth and soft? Or would it be hard and muscular? She wondered if he liked touch or if he gave touch. Many people weren't very touchy in that sense but Madelyn for some reason wanted to know. Her curiostiy was making her hand long to know what his hair felt like his skin. But would he be all right if she touched him. How would he respond. Oddly enough she wasn't afraid of him she was only afraid that he would leave.


-My music drew you in like your eyes draw me.- she wrote down in her script underneath his their scripts on the page looked so different but it was nice to 'talk' to someone. Please don't leave... I don't want to scare you..

She handed the pad back to him gently her eyes never leaving his face. Once he had taken the pad her pale slender and delicate hand would come up and touch his cheek with the back of her fingers gently running back slightly so she brushed his white hair. Her eyes opened wide and she blushed pulling her hand back and looking at it the blush heavy on her face. She looked up and gave him an appologetic look.

She hoped he would stay. Stay so they could know each other better but his skin, was so soft and his hair like silk. This was a large step for the extremely thin girl touching someone a male even more so. But this one was different very different. Maybe it was his silence maybe it was his eyes. But fear was taking a back seat at the moment to this boy.

[Jonathan Winters *Deceased*]

By the time she had received the notebook, he had already put back his hands back down on his lap from his shrug. His eyes, they blinked repeatedly, as she read his response. Madelyn. Finished reading his short little excerpt, she looked back at him, her eyes closing a bit as she smiled at him. Ah. No. In an akward movement, he rested his head on his hand, which had positioned itself onto his thigh, as he covered up his mouth, in a very difficult attempt to cover his suddenly large blush. Blush. He'd never blushed, except when he'd been shamed, or when he was Phae. But his face felt red-hot. It was so.. no. But it was just... no. No. It was cute. Her face was cute. And he liked it. God, he shouldn't, he musn't, but he liked her face. Madelyn. Swallowing largely, he tried to let his hair fall over his face, although he kept his eyes looking at her, at her smiling eyes, at her smiling lips. All so genuine, all so warming. He nodded, as he was hunched over like that, waiting for a few minutes, letting his blush go down, but it stayed strong for a good minute. She was very kindly, this girl, Madelyn. He-

The writing began on her side, as she began her response, breaking his train of thought. She put up the finishing touches, as she gently handed it back to him. -My music drew you in like your eyes draw me. Jonathan stared quietly at this. Please don't leave... I don't want to scare you.. Oh no. Oh no, oh no. Taking the green pen in his hands, he wavered over the words. They implied something, though neither of them really realized it. He was afraid, afraid of what would happen, of the long-term. It wasn't right. He had to get out, had to- ".... ... A... ah...!" His eyes widened, as his adrenaline spiked, instinct wanting to take over, but he resisted it, turning his head to look at her, to look at Madelyn. That feeling... that feeling. Her hand.

It came to his cheek, softly going over it, he wanted... he wanted..- her hand went to his hair, going through it, stroking it, going through it gently. Evidentally, the routine of washing and shampooing his hair for these past years, as a sign of clean habits had paid off, as it went through his hair, which felt soft, even to himself. Her hand. She pulled it back, her own eyes widening at what she herself had done, blushing heavily... blushing. She was blushing at him. She looked very apologetic. He didn't want it to stop. It was so wrong. He didn't want to feel this way, didn't want to put this sweet, kind girl through any pain, didn't want to like it, because of what he was. God... God... please, Lord, take away my awareness, my concious, let me feel without feeling guilty, Lord. He looked at her suddenly, his eyes wanting to say so much, almost wanting to cry, because it was wrong, it good, in all its goodness. It felt good. Good. He put aside the notebook for now, on his right, just between them, but his eyes never left hers. His face felt hot, he was blushing, he wanted to hide it, he wanted to embrace it. This girl had touched him. And she had made him feel it was alright to be touched. Made him feel that it was okay to feel this way to be touched. This girl. Madelyn.

Her hand. He looked down, at his own hand, resting his left on his thigh, as he looked at her, his eyes trying to say something, but confused in even what they wanted to say. Kind. She was so kind. His right hand went out, wanting to explore, wanting to hold her, but his fingers folded up, and it shifted down, his eyes wavering with nervousness. He wanted to return the favor, but he was nervous still. How could goodness come from him? She had just laid a hand of light on him, and he felt as though he had really breathed for the first time. Madelyn. His hand went back, slowly, making eye contact with her, making sure his intentions were seen, and he paused for a moment, reaching out to her, just looking into her eyes. Madelyn. His hand descended on top of hers, very softly, very gently. Madelyn. Bending down towards her, very, very slowly, he raised up her hand, and held it before his face. He wanted to kiss it, as a sign of good gesture. He couldn't. Jonathan wanted to cry, to return the goodness, to feel that it was alright. He lowered his head more onto it, touching the back of her hand softly with his forhead, rubbing it softly. Then, then, I won't leave. I won't leave then, if you ask. He raised back up his head. Her hand. It was so soft, so warm, so good. He felt these feelings, and he knew them to be wrong. Infatuation, yes. But there was more, and he was scared because he didn't want to, because he wanted to embrace it. His eyes, stared back into hers, speaking only one word.

Madeyln.

[madelyn]

His hand... his hand moved and took her hand. He was holding her hand gently in his own. She looked up at him in surprise a blush crossing her features as she smiled at him warmly as if to tell him that it was perfectly allright he was touching her.

This was a rather large step for the silent girl. Not only was she touching someone she barely knew but it was even more than it was a HE. But something was different about this boy. This Jonathan was it the pain hidden behind his eyes. Was it the way that he was as shy as she.

Her hand me with his forehead. He rubbed it slightly in something that she didn't quite understand. But it was his soft skin touching her that sent so many shivers down her spine. When he looked up she wrapped her fingers around his hand as if to keep it in her own. She tilted her head to the side slightly and smiled at him. She almost giggled.

Silence filled the room as the two stared at each other. She was smiling with her eyes and her mouth as she stared at him. He was kind and sweet. She stared at him her blue eyes never leaving his eyes she was so lost.. lost in this boy his name.. Jonathan and he just fit right in the spot that was open in her heart.

Mariko sat in her little cage above the window. Apparently the little yellow bird seemed to think the silence of the room was too much for them. The little bird began to sing a song and it startled Madelyn. She looked up at Jonathan and smiled big at how she had been startled and she giggled.

Her giggle was a light and almost melodic sound. She looked at him and squeezed his hand gently in her own. She brought his hand up still attached to her own to her cheek and let the back of his hand brush against her cheek as she smiled. She wanted to suddenly actually say something to him but it wasnt' going to happen yet. Maybe.. but not yet later. She would see what happened. How this went but he was special.

Very special.

[Jonathan Winters *Deceased*]

In truth, he was glad she blushed when he took her hand. Reminded him that he wasn't the only one feeling very akward. Her eyes looked at his, making him divert his own away to the side, blushing right back at her, though with perhaps, a little more shyness. He couldn't believe what he was doing, he shouldn't be touching her this way, but her eyes looked at him, and he saw that it was alright, despite his own self-disputes over the matter. Blinking nervously, his eyes becoming uncertain of where to look, he took a look at her lips, as they smiled at him, smiled at him. She was so quiet, he realized, perhaps even more quiet then himself. He wanted to say something, but didn't know or even want to say anything. Looking at her, he didn't want to disturb this perfect silence with his stuttering, anyways. The fact that he had rubbed his forehead against her hand.. he rubbed his forehead against her hand as a sign of respect, but.. and hated himself for this... because he wanted to- because he had desired to- He looked into her eyes again. Because, he was afraid of what would happen if he had decided to kiss it. He was a product, nothing more, created in a lab, biological metals inplaced throughout his body through thousands of experiments, every scar that burned him, all the torn skin, all fused back together. Didn't even have a Mutter, unless the exterior shell of a man-sized capsule counted. 'Father' was just a single-sperm donator, who looked at him as a failed experiment, but, he honestly couldn't complain. Without their projects, he wouldn't have been alive, with his way of thought.

.. But for once... he looked again at Madelyn. He felt his fingers being wrapped by hers, holding it gently. He loved this new feeling, but felt as though he were commiting a crime, because of what he was. She tilted her head at him, smiling. His blushing renewed, he smiled back, staring a little more. They'd only just met about ten minutes ago. How did it get to this, so quickly? They stared at one another for a while, his eyes fluctuating in confusion, still punishing himself for feeling this way, yet, at another moment, pushing it aside. Malyden. She looked at him in such a way that he was so unfamiliar with. His eyes looked back, back at this kind girl, looked back at identifying that she was very quiet like him, she was... she was cute, she was more then that, she was... his eyes smiled at her, but his lips made more of just a nervous, small smile at her. Why was he smiling, why did he suddenly feel like smiling broadly like a fool? In the akwardness of the silence, as she stared at him, and him at her, the sudden abrupt singing of a bird. His head swivelled to the source nervously, relaxing when he saw it was her bird. It had a nice tune. They looked at each other again. She giggled, he smiled, holding back a very subtle laugh. That laugh of hers. The first time he had heard a bit of her voice, though she had not spoken. It reminded him of one of the days that he'd walk alone in the forests, on the edges of Babylos, as the trees danced with the wind blowing. All so genuine, all so rythmic, all so beautiful.

When she stopped, she gave his hand a squeeze, reminding him that his hand was still in hers. He'd completely forgotten. Looking down at it, he realized he'd completely forgotten all about his hand still being in hers, as though it.. no, no. No. His thoughts came at him again. This was wrong. He was wrong. But she was right, she felt right. It was a comfortable feeling, actually, being with her. Quietly, she began to slowly bring his hand up, still in her grasp, and he let it happen, watching, watching her. She brought the back of his hand to the face of her cheek, and he felt it, and it felt warm, it felt good. She smiled again at him. Jonathan blushed, abashed. But, this was driving him to the edge of his reason. No matter how much he tried to resist it, he could not help it, and the feeling was growing, as his face grew hotter. He looked at her, more intently now, but a smile, a real smile accompanying it. 'Please let me do this.'Closing his eyes, keeping his hand at her cheek, he pushed out the remaining thoughts. For now, he would enjoy her company... for now... he would revel in this... feeling. Gingerly, his hand slowly brought down hers to his left hand, and went back to her cheek, feeling her cheek now with the tips of his fingers, very softly, very crooningly. He paused for a bit, as he let it slowly slide to the back of her neck, over to where her hair was. Yes, he would. Slowly crouching up, he moved half a foot closer to her, and now looked at her again, his eyes watching her.

He wanted to get to know this girl, to understand this girl, this girl named Madelyn. Quietly, he began to stroke the back of her neck, just letting himself get away with this small thing, his fingers slowly ploddingly going from side to side, before turning and travelling up and down. But his eyes kept looking into hers. He needed to resist, but he felt no reason to do so. For once, he'd like to let himself go, to be who he was, to really embrace who he was--!!

... And perhaps, embrace her as well. This girl, this girl named Madelyn. His face wasn't smiling, but his eyes were, he closed his eyes, just for a moment, to clear his thoughts, and looked again. Still there. His left hand gave her left hand a small squeeze. God forgive his sin. But thank God for this. Under normal conditions, he would've broken the silence by now, asked her to dinner, get to know her. Under normal conditions, he would've kissed her hand, maybe told her outright how he felt about her, and wouldn't have argued to himself. But, this wasn't a normal condition. He wasn't human. Not fully, anyways. But enough reason to make him pause in this, to look at this. Because, she was cute, and he had strong feelings of infatuation. But it was growing into something more, and he couldn't stop it. It was growing into something more, and he loved the feeling over it. His right hand slid away from her neck, and rested itself on her shoulder, and he paused, paused to look at her, still debating on what to do. He couldn't bring himself to do what he wanted most. Couldn't bring himself to even try to k... ki... kis... he closed his eyes, annoyed with himself. No, it wasn't right. But it would be alright. Bringing her hand again to the front of his face, he bent over slightly over it, hovering over it, his breathing non-existent, as he descended down to it, let his lips touch onto the back of her soft hand, and kissed it. He embraced her hand, for a moment... another, and then released it away from himself, the realization of what he had done, despite other intentions. He'd kissed someone for the first time in his life, even though it was just the move of a gentlemen. Looking at her eyes, he almost wanted to say, 'It is... a pleasure to meet you, Madelyn.', but nothing came from his mouth, just the eyes that implied it. His eyes descended again, to look at the hand of Madelyn, and he swallowed audibly, suddenly becoming very nervous and withdrawn in his thoughts, but looking back at this new memory he had just created for himself. He smiled.

[madelyn]

He blushed. His face turned pink and only served to make his white hair look even brighter. That soft silken white hair that had run through her fingers but briefly. She blushed in return and scrunched up her nose only slightly her little freckles only seeming to appear at that moment.

But she felt his soft, so very soft, his fingertips brushing against her cheek. Her eyes closed feeling and trusting him. Trust, it was something she had not given a male since her father died. Since her trust had been misplaced by her uncle. But here this silent boy so like yet unlike her in so many ways was the first person she wanted to trust. Thrusting her fears aside she let her eye lids block the view as his finger tips brushed her cheek ever so gently. Like an angel, his wings his feathers brushing her cheek like a gentle breeze.

Her eyes opened slowly to look into his own when he touched the back of her neck just under her hair. She blushed. Yes, her very own pale skin was covered in a small rose pink as she looked over at Jonathan a smile on her lips.

She felt his fingers working the soft skin of her neck and her blush deepened only slightly. How long had they been here? She didn't know. She had no idea but it seemed forever that she had been searching for a soul such as he. The one that seemed to understand her without speaking a word. They had only exchanged names but there was so much more moving between them that words didn't touch. A feeling, a thought, a connection of some kind that was on a deeper level one where words meant nothing and a single look could speak volumes.

His hand fell down and the one holding her own hand moved bringing it closer to him. She watched his every move silently. Her hand traveling closer. He looked up at her as if to ask if it was okay and she gave him a nod slightly. Almost not visible right before his lips touched her hand. There, all the blood rushed through her body. It was coming alive under his touch under his lips. She inhaled sharply but gently at the same time an intake of breath meaning that she enjoyed it not that she was unhappy.

She blushed again. A rose red coming over her pale features, she turned away only slightly to collect herself before she looked at him once again her violet blue eyes bright with happiness. Gone was part of the sorrow and pain that lived within the azure depths. Now a mixture of happiness was there as she felt that this man was who she had been looking for. He was here and making a large impression on her having spoken not one word.

He was closer now having moved. She could almost feel his essence as he sat there blushing and looking into her eyes. There was one thing above all others that stuck out in her mind. One action she truly wanted to fulfill. But could she? Could she really close the gap between them. This silent to silent connection seemed so strong. Too strong to deny. Silence seemed to bring them close perhaps it could become closer yet.

Feelings? Oh yes there were several feelings running through her mind but none seemed to fit perfectly enough. Infactuation? Yes it was that but so much more yet. Adoration? Yes, but again the word did not fit as it should. It was a puzzle and the last piece was just out of reach.

Looking into Jonathan's eyes she smiled and closed the gap a little more. Three more inches between them fell away these leaving by her own movement. She swallowed hard and let her hand her free one rise to his face and cup his cheek her thumb stroking the soft perfect skin gently. She looked into his eyes as if to ask 'is this okay' and then moved in. Leaning the last three inches she placed her lips on his soft supple ones.

Fireworks. She had only seen them once in her life and only recently too but there was no other way to describe what feelings were running through her body at this point as their lips lingered together so softly so gently. Just like each of them. A silent yet meaningful kiss.

She pulled back and opened her eyes. She was still very close an inch maybe seperated the two now as she looked directly into his beautiful emotion filled eyes to read in there what he was saying what he felt. Did he accept her move or did he think she had moved to fast. She would wait for his answer. Staying close all the while. So close. Yearning to be closer once more. Those arms. They looked so warm.

In her cold world here was where her warmth was. His arms. His touch. Jonathan.

[Jonathan Winters *Deceased*]

A gasp of air. That is what startled Jonathan, when he kissed her hand, looking up, suddenly concerned to see if it wasn't alright after all, if it was too much. She looked away, causing him further concern, but, looking back at him, he smiled nervously, casting his own head down slightly, as she blushed heavily at him. This felt.. this felt nice. He too was blushing at what he had just done. And the fact that he had made her take a very sharp breath because of that..- Jonathan looked again at her face. Rosenrot. He smiled again at her, nervously, more then ever. What had he done? Did she... did Madelyn... Madelyn, did she like him? He took another, but more subtle swallow. This wasn't good, this wasn't good, this really wasn't good. But it felt good. Again, he stared at her, stared into her eyes, as she closed the gap even further. Maldeyn's eyes, alluring him in, further, further, further. Their faces were almost touching. Her hand, oh God, her wonderful, loving hand went to his cheek again, stroking it, stroking it in a way that put him in a high state of elation. But, too close, their faces were too close. She looked at him, still smiling, and then, her eyes, imploring him, asking him if it was alright. 'If what was alright? If wha-' His eyes widened, widening, as her lips interlocked with his own, warning signs going off in his head. Nein, nein, nein! His lips were shaking in hers, as their lips held their place in one another, something coming alive in him, but still yet in a semi-dormant state. Shock was on his face, in his eyes, still, even when she had pulled back. He was staring, as if, as if he had seen the most incredible thing in the world. Maldeyn. She'd kissed him. She had kissed, him, Jonathan, on the lips, on their first meeting, kissed him, someone who wasn't human, who didn't have a soul, who was lesser then a human, a failed experiment, kissed him.

Kissed him.

For a moment, it took a while for Jonathan to realize that the world was falling. He barely even felt the ground, as he landed on it, on his side, still frozen, staring blankly into space, his mind shut up in its interweavings. Instinct took over. He had to take a pill, now. Had to take a pill, now. A pill before he would fall. A pill before he would fall further. A pill for him, arrange a dormitory change. He couldn't let her love him. He couldn't let that hurt her. His body sprang to its feet, as he stood up straight, his eyes still in shock, staring at Madelyn. He wanted to leave, he wanted to go, he didn't want this to end in the way that he had already forseen, but his feet wouldn't budge, his feet wouldn't move. He'd already fallen. Madelyn. He'd already fallen for her.

There was a harsh breathing that he finally began to notice. It was coming from him. Breathing in gently way still, but in a more rushed way then he thought he ever possibly could, except on missions. His mind focused again, he blinked, several times, and he fell onto his knees, before her, at her bidding, at her mercy. He'd fallen in front of her, but fallen for her. Why did she kiss him? Why did she like him..? He would never say.. that she 'lo...' ... 'lov-..' ... him. He was just a thing. But, like a dog, a pet who loved to be shown kindness, to be shown tenderness, who loved to be scratched behind the ear, he'd fallen for her. Tears formed at his eyes at this realization, of this permanent difference. His head fell forward, onto her knee, but not crying, his forehead laying on her knee. No. He must be dignified. With a left hand, he pushed himself up, using the bed as leverage, up to a crouch, his right hand quietly shooting for her right hand again, taking it into his own two hands. And he looked up to her, thanking her, blessing her, and asked her one more time... just one more time, his eyes, his eyes pleading at her. He brought up the hand again to his face, looking at it, caressing it longingly. It was so warm, so gentle, like the kiss she had given him, the kiss he should've returned, something he now cursed himself for. He brought down his face closer still to it, looking up at her, kneeling in front of her on his left knee. His face was warm, no, it was hot, it was on fire, and he loved it, wanted to bathe in this passion, this passion he had supressed, a passion reserved only for people like her, who were so warm, who gave warmth, who needed warmth in return. Who was he to give something that he himself could not give himself? Jonathan looked up again, into her violet-blue eyes, always alluring him, making him want to cry at this desire that he wished to embrace, that he supressed, that he hated, that he desired above all else. Madelyn.

Madelyn.

Softer still, he took her hand close to his lips, and looked again at her, not asking, but telling her what he was about to do. He had to do it, if ever he was to be at peace again; to do this, he had to, had to, to do this, to feel this. Reason to resist it had flown out the window. His heart, his misreble syntethetic heart, she'd taken this from him, stolen it, and she could crush it, if she truly desired, for he no longer owned it. Madelyn.. she... she looked at him, ever so lovingly. Love. A lion roared in his heart, in his mind, in his body, as he took his lips to the back of her hand once more. Yes. Was this truly that fairy tale passion that he felt? His lips lifted off her hand, leaving behind a dry imprint. His lips descended again, this time, to the back of her wrist, taking his time. Love. Was this truly what she desired from him? His lips lifted again, and he raised his crouch higher now, as he now kissed the back of her arm. Love. His eyes began to form tears again, but they still did not break to fall down his face. Did he have the ability to give this gift to her? He pressed a little more firmly onto her arm, moisture left in its wake, as he raised it, his arms travelling up to caress her arm, his mouth kissing her upper arm. Love. God bless, her, God protect her, she'd given him a soul, made him feel right, made him feel human, made him feel... made him feel real.

'Stand with me, Madelyn, please, stand.' was the eyes that Jonathan spoke through, as he took his hands, and in what he felt to be an extreme boldness, raised both of them up, to their feet, as he now looked at her, looked down to her, from the few inches of height he had over her. It didn't matter though. He let his left hand travel up to her cheek, to softly feel it, but this time, something backing it, but he touched it far more softly, looking into her eyes, but his face fell to her side, to her right shoulder, to complete the journey he had taken, and kissed her shoulder, though it had cloth, as though it were still her soft skin, her lovely, soft skin. As he raised it up, he took a step further closer to her, closing the game to less then a few inches, looking at her, his face completely blank, but all the desire obvious in his eyes. Madelyn. Pain filled the back of his eyes, as he knew what was going to happen in the future, but, right now... right now, she had awakened him to life. His face moved forward, but not to her mouth, but to her forehead, and left it there, for a moment, but only a moment, before leaving it again, having made her forehead slightly wet with his mouth. There was only one thing left to do now.

His face grew even more redder, his ears, felt like something was burning. Jonathan's eyes looked back into hers. Whether or not she would receive it, he now had to give it. To return this feeling, to thank her for what she had done for him, to thank her... his mouth opened slightly, breathing quietly, but a stuttered breathing, the nervousness was so great. He could feel her breathing on him as well, and it felt good, she made him feel alright, she made him... she made him feel. Madelyn. Madelyn. He dropped his hand from her face, not holding her, just being with her.

Slowly, careful not to spook her, he tilted his head to the side slightly, as he lowered his mouth on equal level with hers. His lips quivered, and with all that was left, he closed his eyes, and brought forth his lips, back into hers, and kissed her, kissed her. Not forcibly, just lingering on, readjusting itself onto hers, to make her more comfortable, he hoped, and with it, everything he could not say, could not think to himself, all his emotions spilled through his mouth, as a kiss, onto her, a girl he had only just met, to a girl who had saved his life, had brought him to life, who made him feel. He embraced her gently, and kissed her.

Jonathan could not tell how much time had passed. But when he when he had relased her from him, released himself from her, he looked at her, eyes half-closed, a very, very timid smile on his face, letting his forehead rest on her forehead, thanking her, thanking her even if she would pull away in disgust, but just to thank her for what she had done for him, what she'd done to him. To thank her.

'Thank you'.

[madelyn]

When most find this feeling. The one that tells them they are to be with a certain person. When that person completes or fills a part of your soul that you hadn't even known was missing until the very day they walked into your life. It was the last piece of the puzzle, the last ingrediant to the recipe of life, and the last color of a perfect rainbow in the sky. This was what she felt the moment her lips touched Jonathans.

It was as if the ice and the stone that covered and protected her soul from the harm others could do had broken. Cracked so audibly that she heard it. She felt like she wanted to cry as all the feelings rushed forth at once. All the things locked away the key long ago thrown away melted down in the heat of beatings to never return to unlock that which was best left alone. But here. This boy. This man. Jonathan. He had been the key all along.

Who would think that coming to a school was the way to unlock her soul. To hear the ice shatter in her mind as thier lips touched it was as if the heat of her feelings would keep her warm and help her through the long nights ahead of dealing with the unneeded pain.

But his reaction scared her at first. He was up and standing staring at her as if the thing he wanted most to do was stay yet he needed to leave. It was an internal battle one like she had never seen. He looked at her with mixed emotions swirling in his beautiful eyes. Those green gray eyes so exotic so unique. They called to her. They had yet to speak a word to each other yet both had said so very much.

She almost sighed when he knealt and put his head on her leg. His emotions had won the battle over his body and she smiled. More ice cracked. Drip.. drip... she could hear the ice melting every moment he touched her. There was something about him that was just perfect. He fit. She fit. Together they made something special.

She watched his every move. His eyes. They spoke loudly maybe it was her years of self imposed silence that made her understand everything they asked everything they said but she completly understood him. Those expressionistic pools drew her in like nothing else she had ever known before.

Her hand in his. His own skin so soft so very soft as it held her own limp hand in his. He raised it to his lips not asking but telling her that he was going to kiss it. She didn't care. She wanted to feel his lips on her and if that was where he wanted to kiss her then so be it. She was so elated he hadn't left. She saw in his eyes a mixture of feelings pain and happiness. She didn't know what the pain was from and perhaps one day she would but today was not a day for pain. It was a day for happines, for love, for them.

His lips on her hand made her close her eyes slowly. But the pleasure already coursing through her veins was nothing compared to what was going to happen. She opened her eyes when he took his lips away. But he wasn't done much to her suprise. She swallowed her heart. At some point unbeknownst to her it had risen into her throat and refused to go down. As she watched his lips her body tingling with mixed sensations as his lips contacted her skin his hands moving up her arm.

Never in her life had she been touched so gently by a man. She would not let any get close enough. Yet, here was this boy. Jonathan. He was perfect. He was the key already the ice was cracking.. breaking.. dripping falling away from the thick walls of her heart. His lips so warm, leaving small wet prints on her arms as he continued to travel up the pale length of soft skin.

That look. His eyes. Her breath caught in her throat as she knew he was asking her to go along with it. And she did. She was as lost as he was. Her heart belonged to him. He was the key. He had unlocked it after eleven years of a cold and hard heart she was finally letting someone in. And not just anyone it was him.

She stood when he took her hands and she was only a few inches shorter than he was. She looked up at him wondering what he was going to do. His hand that perfect soft skin carressing her face but she was too lost in his gaze to close her eyes but she was completely his. There was no other key. He was it. She did however blink slowly her eyes only lost to his for a brief moment and then he moved. His head to her side as his lips connected with her shoulder and her heart shuddered. Her entire body seemed to tremble under the touch of his lips. Why in that place with a shirt covering the skin that hid below was it the one that sent her into trembles? She had no idea maybe it was how close he was to her or how it was his first real move with her.

His face it was in her vision again. That beautiful face. She noticed that he showed no emotion with his face and let his eyes do all the talking. She wondered why for only a brief moment but then he moved forward and touched his lips to her forehead. Her eyes closed and she sighed letting him stay there for a moment. Pulling back a small wet spot on her forehead but she didn't move to wipe it. No instead she savored every second she could feel it's cool impression on her skin.

His hand fell from her cheek and in that instant she felt cold. As if she was missing the very part of her body that kept the heat in. He had become part of her in a matter of thirty minutes. Fate, destiny, love, or chance. It didn't matter which word you used to describe it. Right was the word she chose. Perfect was another. She looked up and she saw his head tilt sideways and she saw in his eyes what he was longing to do. She was ready. Ready now more than ever to recieve this gift. The gift that would tell her he returned the feelings that were running through her own body at an alarming rate.

Those soft and perfect lips touched her own again and she fought the urge to make a sound. She wanted to. Oh she wanted this man right here to hear her very first word in over a decade. But right now was not that time. Later yes. He would be the one. The key. This kiss much longer than the last yet still never long enough. Would there ever be a set time that was deemed long enough when these two got together. No. She already knew the answer. Drip. Another drop of ice fell into the black nothingness. Melting ever melting slowly getting to the true heart that lie beneath it all. To the soul she finally wanted to share with someone. Finally found someone who deserved to know her as she knew herself.

He pulled back and the biggest smile ever seen on the girl's face lit up the room almost. Her violet blue eyes were sparkling as if a spring overflowed in the depths. His forehead pressed against hers and her infinite depths looked up into his her cheeks bright red but she was so happy. She moved only slightly embracing him fully.

She moved in so that her arms moved around his waist and her head lay just under his chin as she hugged him gently. She could hear his heart beat through his chest. She was alive. Really alive for the first time. Her heart and soul thought dead so long ago now lived. Each moment spent in the warm light that was Jonathan only served to make it better. Every drip she heard she wanted to smile even bigger.

Was this love. Yes. Period end of story. Was she ready to admit it to him. No. She wouldn't scare off the one man that had not only accepted her as silent but had embraced her too. Could she speak? Yes. Would she? Not yet but soon. Very soon she would tell this man what he had done to her because he had done so very much. Already she felt a weight lifted off her shoulders replaced by the warmth of attraction.

This. This feeling. This infinite happiness was what her soul silently searched for her entire life. And here was where she found it. Her first day of school. Her first few moments in her dorm. Here with a silent boy. The other piece to her puzzle. Her key, her heart, her soul. They were all carried within the body of this one white haired boy.

[Jonathan Winters *Deceased*]

.. He thanked God for her, for Madelyn, quietly, to the top of his head. Jonathan truly enjoyed the feeling of having her head rest on his chest, her arms wrapped around his waist. Quietly, carressingly, he let his hands slide up her sides, to rest on her shoulders, holding her just slightly closer to him. It felt right, so right, he fought to not cry, as the happiness was just too great. Bliss, true joy. He slowly lowered his head on top of hers, kissing the top of her head, kissing her.. her beautiful hair. There was a recollection of someone saying to him, 'One can never know true happiness, without first having suffered the lowest of the low.' It was true, all the more reason to thank God for his pains and sufferings. Countless experiments, making him, him, giving him his thought of mind, allowing him to exist, and to this end, to lead up to this point, with Madelyn, the silent girl he'd only just met. His lips touched her head softly, noting how strangely calm his breathing was, and yet, how his chest was rising up and down, the excitement in him at being freed for a moment of his confinements, to be with her. He let his lips lie on her head, before resting on the side of his cheek, nuzzling her a little with his nose, letting it play with her hair a little, with a gentle push, and a careful prod, here and there, even as they rested on one another. All the years of lamenting, carrying the burden of what he truly was; it felt so much lighter, with her warmth on him, hugging him. Jonathan raised his head, marvelling at Madelyn. The Lion roared again in him. He wanted to... he wanted to protect her, to hold her with him, to carry all her burdens, to see her happy, to please her, see her smile, to make sure nothing harmed her, to make sure she was.. happy.

Happy. His eyes were only half-open, looking at her, as he realized this, remembered this. His hands went down to the sides of her chest, as they slowly went to wrap around her, to hold her a little bit more, resting his eyes on top of her head, closing them. How could... how could he ever tell her? How could he do this to her? His life. For all the years of his life, he'd never once complained about how short he was, sure that he'd never fall for someone, sure that he'd just disappear as just another dead soldier, sure that he'd just be remembered as a failed experiment. His life. It suddenly became apparent to him how short of a life he had, how much he would miss out on, how much less time he would have.. with her, with Madelyn. His hug slightly tightened, as he held onto her a little more, realizing how truly this was true bliss. He'd found her, someone who made him feel as though he had.. he had a soul, and he was so willing to take in this pain, this suffering, so long as he could spend his last months with her.

Tears came.

Crying on her head, without a sound, just staring at the top of her head with his eyes half-open, because he'd found someone, crying on her head because of the burden he'd have to give her, crying on her head because he didn't want her to be unhappy, but crying on her most of all, because.. for once, he felt human, and with all the sadness and happiness of humanity, he felt whole now, whole with her. Bliss. True bliss. The happiness in all of the sadness that people can find in themselves. Music played in his head, as he took pleasure in her warmth, and dreaded the day, the fateful november, all at the same time. Irony. Jonathan found this to really be a true irony, for the fact that up until now, until he met her, Madelyn, he had never been more alive then this time, when his life was almost at an end, and yet, with still a few months to go. Still a few months to go, to make her happy, before.. He shuddered, with her in his arms. Het let his cheek slide onto her hair, as he gently let his head move alongside hers, until his mouth reached her left ear, and quietly, he let his lips go out, and he pushed further a little more, making a short kiss, wanting her to not know about the secret of his life, wanting to make her happy. Happiness. He felt happy, in bliss form, in a painful way, but he did not want the same for her. Truly, how would he explain this to her? His mouth had found its way, gliding over to her right ear, and gave it too a little touch from his mouth, holding her silently in his grasp, as she held him in hers. He let his chin rest on the top of her head now, still feeling a little slighted, from life, but glad to be glad, glad to have her. Glad to have Madelyn, on the eve of his life.

Jonathan's grip on her loosened, as he looked at her in the eyes again gently, nodded, and then gingerly pushed himself away from her, so that his hand still held onto his waist, as he let his hands again, go up to her shoulders, gripping them softly, softly, the edge of his mouth on the verge of smiling strangely, as his eyes continued into hers, the look in them, turning serious, and yet, there was something melodical that had to burst out. His mouth opened slightly, the silent tears already stopping, caressing her, as words struggled to come out, his mouth open, blank, as he looked at her again, and then.. yes, that song.

Wenn sie Brust schwimmt ist das schön,
dann kann ich in ihr Zentrum sehn.
Nicht dass die Brust das Schöne wär,
Ich schwimm ihr einfach hinterher.
Funkenstaub fließt aus der Mitte;
ein Feuerwerk springt aus dem.

His mouth barely moved, as his fairly baritone voice slid over words, as this was more of a speaking part of the song. But still, the melody at the end of every line made it apparent. Yes.. a song. A song of fire and water.

"Feuer und Wasser kommt nicht zusammen.
Kann man nicht binden sind nicht verwandt.
In Funken versunken steh ich in Flammen,
und bin im Wasser verbrannt,
Im Wasser verbrannt."

..The painful, but repetitive part of the song.. His eyes shimmered at this, looking at her, his grip tightening slightly on her, as he moved his head closer to hers, as if to kiss hers, tilting his head slightly, but then, hesitating, he pulled back. Painful. The urge to get one of his pills again came into his mind, but, he pushed it down. He'd feel this pain, it wasn't hurting him physically. He'd feel this pain, this pain of awareness and knowledge, to be with her.

Wenn sie nackt schwimmt ist das...
dann will ich sie von hinten...
Nicht dass die Brüste reizvoll wären.

Ugh. The most unfeeling part of the song. But it was there, and without it, the song would be lacking a verse. But he had to remove most of it, had to extend the silence of his words, because, that wasn't right, that wasn't how he thought. He didn't feel 'that' way about her, it was.. it was far deeper then such shallow thought. His smile returned, but only slightly, and he leaned in a little closer to her, letting his head slowly rest on herforehead, closing his eyes, as he would continue onto the next verse.

Sie schwimmt vorbei bemerkt mich nicht
Ich bin ihr Schatten sie steht im Licht
Da ist keine Hoffnung und keine Zuversicht denn

Caring feelings filled his eyes, as he looked at her, looked at her longingly. This seperation, it was all in his mind, right? She could love him, if he wasn't human; people loved dogs and pets after all. But could his aff-afection towards her deemed to be the same way as a human could love one another? ...Madelyn..

He backed up, but just a head's length from her, his feet not moving, still in the same position even since before the song, but there was no pain in his eyes, only acceptance. Acceptance.

Feuer und Wasser kommt nicht zusammen
Kann man nicht binden sind nicht verwandt
In Funken versunken steh ich in Flammen
und bin im Wasser verbrannt
So kocht das Blut in meinen Lenden
Ich halt sie fest mit nassen Händen
Glatt wie ein Fisch und kalt wie Eis
sie wird sich nicht an mich verschwenden
Ich weiß

Those words rang in his ears. She couldn't understand it, but, the feelings were conveyed in his eyes. Oh... his eyes slammed shut. But... but he felt that she felt him. No, she wouldn't leave him, would she? Laughter filled his eyes, the part of the song that was a lie, and yet, perhaps would've been better off if it had been the truth. Maybe. Maybe not. He didn't want to be selfish, he didn't know how she felt, since he hadn't made her aware. So, not yet... he could not judge himself on this situation just yet. He had to be... he had to be fair.

Feuer und Wasser kommt nie zusammen
Kann man nicht binden sind nicht verwandt
In Funken versunken steh ich in Flammen
und bin im Wasser verbrannt

As his voice touched on the last note, it slowly died out, and he looked at her, relieving himself of his final sadness for the day. That would be in the future. The present was here before him, and so was the next day, and the day after that. And right now, he was with her. And the joy returned back into his eyes, as he let his arms wrap around her again, and he hugged her back, letting his head go only slightly down, because she wasn't all that shorter then he was, his left cheek touching hers, and he let it stay there, feeling the warmth on her face, bringing the warmth to his own. Body heat. Warmth to his.. to his soul? He hoped so. And slowly, he sidled a little to the right, motioning to the bed, letting his head lean back, to look again into her eyes, which made him feel... happy. With a few steps, walking with her sideways, he led them both back to the bed, just a little bit to the side of the spiral notebook. They'd only said two things to each other. Their names. A lot had changed since then, which was scarcely, ten, to maybe roughly thirty minutes ago. Gently, gently, he led them to both sit down, making sure didn't go into any sort of fast transition, not wanting to blur her face with sudden movements, wanting to, instead, savor every moment he looked at her. Make every hug heartfelt, every kiss special and different. He leaned on her slightly now, letting his head rest on her left shoulder, looking up to her, eyes half-closed, but taking his time to drink her in. It was thanks to her music.. her wonderful, beautiful music, that they had met, that had called him in, that had made her meet her. His right hand crossed over, behind her, to rest on her right shoulder, hugging her slightly, still looking over to her, wanting to reach over with his head a little further, and kiss her neck. But they'd only just met, and that was a more lusty sort of kissing. Something indescribable filled his eyes as he looked at her, something that made him feel so wonderful. Madelyn. As if they'd been waiting, precisely for this time, the cocoons in his stomach erupted into butterflies, as he suddenly became uncertain of what to do now.

The spiral notebook and the green pen.

Not letting his right hand leave her shoulder for a moment, he bent back himself a little, and reached over for the notebook, grasping it, letting the green pen balance on it. And in silence, he let his hand fall away, which felt slightly colder to him, without her shoulder, and used the hand to pick up the pen once more. The butterflies.. the butterflies... No. He silenced them. Jonathan looked up at her again, and then, back at the notebook, writing, Your music is..., and he looked back at her, smiling. ..beautiful. I have a piano in my room. Would you and your flute care to join me? Perhaps I can interest you in a.. duet? Putting the pen back on the notebook, so as to avoid any unnecessary disruption to the wonderful silence around them, he put the notebook back in her lap, just as gently. But he couldn't resist himself, could not resist to let his hand travel up to her shoulder, slightly adjusting, as if to massage it, in truth wanting to feel her face again, to stroke it, but, there was a time and a place. A time and a place. Right now, at this time... maybe, he hoped, maybe he could play with her. Her music was already beautiful on its own, and, he doubted in truth, if he could add anything to it. But he wanted to join her. Jonathan's eyes made a slow observation, back to the case where she had put her instrument, and then, back to her. Admiration. He felt admiration towards Madelyn. She understood the music, what the music said, as did he.. and this alone was enough to bring a smile to his face, another geniune smile to his face. But it would always pale in comparison to hers, which had done something for him, had changed him.

Let me hear that name again, that name that has awakened the lion in me, the lion that roars in lust, fire, passion, and the true emotions of man. Let me hear the name again, the name never spoken to me. Madelyn.

[madelyn]

There was never a moment in time where Madelyn had felt at peace. Never a moment that she could be accepted by anyone or be loved. Love? Yes that was what she felt for the man holding her tightly to him. It was this and nothing else that had sparked between them so suddenly. She could only assume that he felt the very same and she hoped so. Because there was no feeling in the world quite like his arms around her. His lips on her skin on her lips. She loved the warmth that was Jonathan. The feeling of how her soul warmed .. melted.. the ice avalanching into a deep crystal clear pool of caring and kindness.

So this was what it felt like to be happy, accepted, and loved. This warm feeling that almost no word was good enough to describe it. His lips in her hair made her eyes close and her body melt. Her heart was now no longer shrouded in the ice that had covered it in the eleven years of lonely torture. She longed to let him hear her. Her melodic voice for the first time venturing forth in sound. For only him to hear.

She could feel every movement he made his nuzzling into her hair she sighed thankful she had taken a shower this morning it might be a stupid thing to think of at the moment yet somehow it seemed so important as she wanted to be and do her best for the man who was holding her against him. His arms the comforting lengths held so much for her. She was completely taken by this man. She didn't plan to be a day without him. If he would have her she would stay. Stay with him until he decided she wasn't worth it or that there was someone better. She had been told she was worthless and figured they were right. What reason was there to lie about that.

Tears. The small wet drops that indicated feelings too strong for a body to handle. She could feel the small droplets of salt and water falling into her hair at an irregular intervals. The crashing drops being absorbed by her flesh taking part of him into her. She let her hands rub slowly up and down his back soothing him in the only way she could. No that wasn't true she had other ways but chose not to use them at this moment. Later. Later when the time was perfect and the tears of a burden too great to carry were not falling down his perfect face. That pale skin so perfect and soft. So well taken care of. She wanted to touch and carress that beautiful face for the rest of her life. The piece of her puzzle the light in her darkened world. He had brought the sunrise to her life. After eleven long years of living at midnighth the sun had finally risen. Jonathan.

His lips touching the sensitive skin by her ear and then on her ear. Her breath caught in her throat. His breath so soft and gentle almost not there. A breeze on the hottest summer day sent to cool you only for that blessed moment. He was her sun and with him came the blessed breeze. Both in her life at the same time both warming and cooling her at the same moment. She smiled as his arms came around her waist in a much more intimate embrace as she leaned even more into him loving his feeling his heart in his chest sending gentle rythums to her. She was relaxed.

His voice. Something she didn't know existed much less had ever expected to hear. The soft melody coming in a language she could identify as German. Having only being able to identify the dialect but not actually knowing the language at all. She watched his eyes because through those no matter what his voice said she could tell the meaning of the words or at least what they meant coming from him to her. She smiled up at him as he held her singing in the most beautiful voice. Angels did not have a better voice than the man singing to her here. It seemed to fill her very soul with happiness with the feelings that he was singing down to her. She felt beautiful suddenly as if nothing in the world could shake them. She was with Jonathan. Her very own angel.

He moved closer his whole presence seemed to soothe her very core. His lips coming so close to hers as if to kiss her she closed her eyes waiting for his soft lips to touch hers. But they never came and the next verse of the song started. Her heart fell only a little as she opened her eyes. She saw him again his beautiful face singing to her in a voice she never thought would come out of one so sweet and so silent. But his touch did come a different kind of present. His head resting against her own as he sang more. Her eyes closing as she lost herself in the unfamiliar language of the song. She smiled listening letting the words wash over her bathing her in light.

Swallowing as he stepped back his eyes filled with.. acceptance? Yes, that was what she saw there. He liked her he wanted to be with her. Here they were two very silent beings finding each other in a world where noise was key to survival in most cases. When his voice stopped she opened her eyes and looked up. She didn't want his voice to stop. His voice she was eager to hear more. Even more eager to speak now than ever before. This man had come and taken her world a cold and lonely place and given her light, warmth, and .. love? His arms pulled her in closer to him and she sighed happily feeling completly content. His cheek against hers she hugged him tighter.

Shifting. She felt him move and she looked up into his eyes and smiled up at him wanting to speak. The only time in her life that she yearned to let her voice come out of her mouth. To grace this beautiful angel .. this gift from God alone with her melodic voice. Not sing, no that was not special enough for him. Speak to actually tell him something. He led them to the bed and she let him lead her. Eyes never leaving his. She was lost her entire being .. she had given it to him she no longer belonged soley to herself. He leaned on her gently after they sat down and she in turn leaned into him her smile brighter than ever. She longed for him to kiss her. His gentle hug made her smile even brighter. She had never been happier than after meeting him. Her savior. Her angel. Her Jonathan.

The pad and the green pen. They're mode of speaking. She watched with curiosity as he wrote her shoulder now cold with the lack of his hand. She missed his touch already and reached up while he was writing to tuck his white hair behind his ear. She smiled at him as he placed the pad on her lap. She looked down and picked it up reading the green writing. The words made her smile. Of course she would go. To share her passion, her talent with her love yes love she was willing to go. She looked up and nodded happily. She placed the note book down first and took his free hand in hers holding it up to her cheek the palm of his hand touching it gently. She closed her eyes letting her whole soul take in the touch of his hand. She opened her eyes and smiled at him her own hand moving to touch his cheek her thumb rubbing his cheek slightly before she leaned in kissing him on the lips once more. Letting them linger. She loved the touch of their lips together. The scent of him. She broke the kiss her eyes opening slowly. She sighed her eyes sparkling with happiness. Happiness only he had brought her.

She stood up slowly giving him a kiss on the forehead letting it linger for a moment. She let her finger tips brush his cheek and finally she pulled back giving him a smile. She wanted to tell him right now what she felt for him but no, there would be a perfect time. She was ready all she had to do was wait for that moment. And it would come. She moved back to the desk and picked up her flute. She looked down at her shoes and decided she didnt' need them. She hated wearing shoes anyway and so why not? She was comfortable and with Jonathan and she didn't figure his room was too far as he had been passing this way when he heard her playing her music. She picked up the small black case and walked back to him tucking her hair behind her ears as she nodded and took his hand. She nodded at the door with a big smile on her face as if to say 'lets go'.