Second meeting Second chance (Zaire/CLOSED)

[jyo]

It took long enough. I finally had to let that director know I was her fiancee to find out where she was. And even that may not be true. But I hope it is. Jyo thoughtas he made his way to Zaire's dorm room. It was the day after he had called out to her and was then attacked. his wounds were mostly heald but still there. He had tried to find her and go to her dorm room but found it was empty. Thus his talk with the dorm Director.

Jyo had finally found the room Zaire was supposed to be at. he had considered teleporting to her. But thats wasn't a very civil thing to do. Not his style. He would only use that in dire need from now on unless Zaire permitted him to do otherwise. Taking a deep breath he knocked on the door. His voice rang out with that odd unearthly echo.
"Zaire it's Jyo. Please open up. I want to see you again." He said. Even with the echo his voice held all thwe warmth and care it had in his time before his death.
Please answer Zaire. I have to see you. You're the only thing holding me here. If I can't see you and we can;t be together then I'm gong to fade away. I know it. He thought.

[Ziare]

The knock sounded on her door. She turned from her window wondering who it could be. Who could have possibly found her in the back corner of the deserted dormitories where she had moved. It was a bigger room having been used a long while back. There was a kitchen her own bathroom she basically had her own little apartment and it was all her own.

A lot of the decor had changed dramatically. What was once white and pink were now black, silver, and lavender. It was pretty but it was a testiment to how the girl had changed over the time. She heard the voice on the other side of the door and she frowned for a moment. How had he found her? She wasn't yet ready for visitors.

She stood up from sitting on the large window seat and passed her sheer black draped bed as she made her way to the door. She was dressed differently too. Where once she had let things hug her body now she was dressed in a huge sweatshirt and jeans. Her long hair once always down was now pulled back in a tight pony tail and circles under her eyes showed her lack of sleep.

She opened the door but did not look at who it was because she knew. She instead headed into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water from her mini fridge and went back to sitting on the window seat. This time she watched Jyo wondering what it was he had come here for.

[jyo]

Jyo was about to speak but then saw what Zaire looked like now. She barely resembled the young woman he had knwn so well. His white eyes followed her. Yet if she looked into those eyes she would still be able to see that they somehow held the same warmth and lover for her as his green eyes. Jyo stood there for a few seconds and walked in closing the door behind him. He rustled his wings uncomfortably. Having Zaire just sit there and watch him made him feel odd.

He walked closer but for a moment felt as though she didn't want him near her. though he didn't know why.
Which makes me wonder if she somehow blames me for what happened. I have to make things right somehow. At least get her to see me like she used to. He thought as even with her different appearence even a stranger could see how he felt about her. Jyo finally spoke.
"I know this must be....Hard." he said still moving closer and gingerly putting a hand on Zaire's shoulder, and knelt down looking into those haunted eyes with he warm white ones.
"Zaire I know what happened." he said as his eyes already started forming tears. he had tried to erase the pain she felt. He knew the memories would always be there but he tried to take her ain and holdit himself. He now knew everything she felt during that horrible night.

"I know what happend and I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. I did what I could but as you can see forces I couldn't handle stopped me." He said his words coming out diffucultly.
"Zaire I'm so sorry. I know I haven't done as a promised back when we decided to be together. But I did not lie when I said my feelings remained the same. I've come back from death's clutches and given up my soul to be with you. Please Zaire. I beg you. Forgive me for all I did wrong." He said as tears ran down his face.

[Ziare]

Ziare opened her water bottle as she sat on the black and lavender cushions of the window seat. This was where she sat most of the time now. Staring out at the city and the academy below. They had allowed her to have a tower room so she was high above everything and it was here that her screams from her nightmares couldn't be heard it was here that she could find the quiet peace that she needed to begin to heal.

Jyo came right over to her and she cringed away from him so his hand never made it to her shoulder. She couldn't bear touch right now. There were things subtle things that brought back the worst memories of that night and she couldn't stand to have one trigger and let Jyo see what would happen to her.

She looked down into his freaky white eyes as he began to speak. Her own once happy and light crystalline blue eyes were no longer that. They seemed colder. More rigid than ever before. These were the eyes that Jyo had once commented would strike fear if used by the wrong person. She saw him cry as he began to speak and she shook her head.

It wasn't his fault. She didn't hate him she just couldn't be around anyone. She couldn't stand people seeing her. Or looking at her. But to understand was something he would never do. He couldn't ever understand what it meant to be violated like that by someone you trusted and called a friend. It was one thing to see the memories but another thing completely to be the one that had experienced them first hand.

She wiped away his tears and shook her head yes that she would forgive him before she went back to sipping her water. Was that all the reason why he had come up fifteen floors? To ask for forgiveness for what? Dying? Well that was an idiotic thing to ask forgiveness for.

[jyo]

Jyo looked in surprise as Zaire recoiled from him at first. And the way she looked at him was disturbing him. Aslmost as if he was a different person. True several things had changed and he was different. But he was still at base level the person she had met in the city by either chance or fate. Jyo found some solace in the fact that Zaire accepted his apologies and forgave his failure to protect her like he had vowed to do. Though he kne whe could never ever make up for such failure.

"Zaire please say something. I know how horrible things were. But don't you at least still care about me enough to speak to me?" He said. Jyo wanted a sign anything.
She's so different. Please don't tell me I lost her forever. If that happens I don't think I can hang on any longer. I sacrificed so much to be with her again. He thought as he stayed there kneeling in front of her for a fw more moments beofre standing up again.

He put his hands on her shoulders this time not letteing her recoil. He was careful not to be forceful but somehow gental.
"Zaire I still love you. Nothing can change that. You are still the girl I feel in love with even if things are different. And I'm still Jyo. We've had horrible changes. But Zaire I still want to be with you. Please just say something." he said.

The collar on his upper arm started glowing and with the normal show of fire forming into a man-sized wolf Ember appeared. it had been a long time since he was able to be released. Unlike Jyo Ember remined physically unchanged. He spoke to jyo alone for now.
"You try to hard my half. She has had experiances far worse than even you might think." He said. Jyo took his hands away from Zaire and once more sank down to is knees burying his face in hsi hands. Even his wings drooped showing his emotions.
How could things go so terribly wrong? I had just woken up. Though I setteld the old family matters and was going to talk to Zaire about the wedding plans. But now.... He thought as he sat there in front of Zaire. this was the second time he had broken down in his life. Or at least his second life. He didn't know how to help Zaire and it was tearing his heart and soul apart.

[Ziare]

His hands they came and clasped her shoulders though she tried to shy away he persisted. Her eyes went distant as she remembered being pushed down on the sleeping bag and she began to scream and fight Jyo as he held her in place. Tears fell down her face as she struggled when he finally let go she scooted away from him shivering and shuddering.

She whimpered in the corner of the window seat rocking back and forth as the tears leaked from her eyes. She didn't make any other sounds than the gentle whimpers. She rocked back and forth like a child. She didn't see Ember she didn't see him get summoned she didn't hear thier private coversation as Armenius had her busy.

Easy child...

Easy there girl..

It's going to be okay he is just unsure of what to do..

Ziare looked over at Jyo her eyes were bloodshot from the recent tears the same tears that fell down now as she continued to rock back and forth trying to calm herself down trying to realize he wasn't going to rape her. Trying to remember what a friend was like.

[jyo]

Jyo had instantly let go when she started struggeling. But his eys opened in horror. he couldn't belive this. Zaire was effected so badly that she couldn't even find his own presence comforting.
How can I get through to her? He thought and cast a downwards look at the floor for several minutes. He didn't know what to do.
All I can do is keep trying. No contact right now though. He thought as he walked over crouching in front of her yet leaving space for her to get past him easily if she wished.

"Zaire I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scae you like that. I didn't know how badly..." He trailed off and shuddered. As he gazed into her eyes his own white glow was fading. Though he didn't realize it. Though is voice still and always would hold the unearthly yet soothing echo.
"Zaire. Please talk to me. Confie in me like you used to. I know I was gone and have failed you and let you down often. And I'll never be able to bear that. But I'm here again and I won't ever leave you again. And I'm ready to tell you the entire truth of my absence. But please. Show me you at least still trust me and the fact I truly love you. You are the only thing holding me to this earht anymore. I literally will fade to nothing without you. Please say something. there's still a future for us. What about us marrying? And having a family? I know I still want that. Please Zaire say something." He said once more letting his tears run freely as he begged her to speak with him. Jyo had never begged before he found her in the recovery wing completely lost to the world and him. He couldn't bear it at all.

[Ziare]

The horror in Jyo's eyes made her eyes open wide and that was it. She knew that all her fears had come true. He was repulsed by what she was right now. She couldn't believe that love could be shaken so easily. She had never fallen out of love with him but this .. this look he gave her said it all.

She knew that despite his words he woud never want her again. She was ugly. She had been tainted by the man that had taken her forcefully. She hadn't wanted it but she had changed because of it. Could he really expect her to be happy and light hearted after being raped and learning that the only man you had ever loved was dead.

Shaking she looked at Jyo kneeling down in front of her begging her to speak. What he didnt realize was that she had not spoken a word since waking. She couldn't speak everytime she tried she ended up in tears or in the bathroom losing whatever she had forced herself to eat that day. Underneath the baggy clothes lay a much thinner Ziare than ever before.

Ziare ran. She ran to the giant wolf and threw her arms around it's neck before she broke out in immense tears and sobs her cried echoing in the room as she cried into embers fur. A summon appeared. It was Sheeta. The dark form of Ziare.

"YOU!" she looked down at Jyo.

"You do not realize that this isn't about you. She doesn't speak because she cannot. It is not that you are being slighted it is that her experience was so tramatic that you cannot be the only thing she is worried about. Do you know what it is like to have your very innocence ripped from your body while you are helpless to do anything but watch? Do you know that the entire time she wished she could find you? She never stopped thinking about you and look at you now begging her to speak when she can't and it fustrates her to no end. Selfish mortal I'll never understand." she said harshly.

Sheeta was a truly dark form of Ziare and as Ziare cried harder into the fur of Ember thuroughly wetting him through but she couldn't stop. It had started the heart break, the fear, the anger, the anguish was coming out in her tears.

"She is not whole. She is not healed. She is not the Ziare you knew. She had changed and she feels like hell you do not understand what it feels like when this happens. To have everything taken away from you and hate your body so much you want to cause damage to it. To not feel anything but anguish and pain that you long to feel something else but nothing you can find will work. To spend sleepless nights from the nightmares and for what? To live? Think Jyo this girl needs healing not begging. She feels repulsive don't you get it?"

Sheeta swore violently and disappeared leaving Jyo with a sobbing Ziare hugging onto the giant wolf.

[jyo]

Jyo looked shocked.
"Zaire is that what you think?" He asked walking to her and Ember backed off. Jyo gently took her hands.
"Zaire it's not that I find you repulsive. It's the way you are acting. It's scaring me. I want to help but you aren't letting me." He said as the white finally faded fromhis eyes. Somehow though he wasn't sure how his normal green gaze was back.
I don't know what to do. He thought.
"Zaire I love you. I cannot help you until you let me. Please just tell me what you need me to do. I'll do anything for you." He said gazing at her wondering what could come between them. He thought back to the recovery wing.

"Is it that man. the other with the wings? The one who seems to see me as nothing but scum and a villan for trying to help you?" he asked not angery but the desperation was in his eyes. After all. If Zaire could so easily toss him aside for another man who was no more than a sefl-rightious prick. Then Jyo had no more purpose here on this earth. If Zaire didn't love him and wouldn't let him help her then mabey it was time to go forever. he was glad for his choice to not be able to exist after this passing. He wouldn't feel the pain of her loss. Jyo began looking different. As if fading away slowly.
"Zaire please talk to me. Let me help." he said and the echo was gone from his voice. In fact his voice sounded strained and far-off.
He looked down seeing he ws now slightly transparent. Then a tear fell from his eye.

"Please... Zaire. I thought we weren't just lovers. We were a team. We promised back then." He said as his hand faded through hers. Without anything to hang onto Jyo was already fading from this world again. Zaire was his anchor. he had made his only purpose of existing to be there for Zaire to keep her safe and to help her when she needed it. But simply by not letting him reach her in any way he was rapidly losing his grasp on the world. Already his wings were drooped and losing the pure white feathers.

Did I come back only to make things worse? How could this happen? Even with what she went through she should be abe to trust me. A friend betrayed her but I never have.. He thought but the thought was stopped. he realized he had betrayed her. He put matters of family before her even though she wanted to be his family.
"Zaire..." Jyo's voice was little more then a wisper now.
"Please let me help. I promise I'll never put anything before you again. Please you're too good a person to stay like this. You have every right to be as upset as you are..... But it's not always going to be like this. I'll be with you every step of the way. But not unless you are willing to accept my help." he said reaching to her again.

[Ziare]

To her utter dismay Ember backed away and she was left alone again in the cold. But soon Jyo came back and took her hands. Okay.. calm down it's just your hands. She used all her will not to move her hands from his. It wasn't that she was repulsed by Jyo it was more that touch was something she could only handle at certain times. Alastin touched her that day that he had brought her back a lot but it wasn't the touch of someone loving her or someone trying to bring her back to her old self but merely the one of a healer. Still even sometimes she shyed away from even her healer when he touched her. It wasn't just Jyo it was her. She was damaged now.

But Jyo didn't seem to understand anything. And she couldn't tell him. She had tried with Sheeta but nothing but a small bit had gotten through. His eyes went from white to green as she watched. She didn't know the significance or the meaning of this. She bit her lower lip as tears rolled down her face while he spoke. Again begging her to speak and the tears came faster. He really didn't understand anything. She couldn't. Damnit it was fustrating to no end.

Her eyes shot open wide when he began talking of Alastin. Alastin Skylark was the man that had worked hard to reach her when she was lost in utter darkness. He had in fact kissed her several times but each and every time she had not kissed him back because she was seeing Jyo. Instead she lay there in shock. But to hear Jyo talking so visciously about the man that had and still was helping her live through every day things was not something she was too thrilled about. Her eyes just stared at him in shock. She opened her mouth to speak but that was when it happened and she was up and in the bathroom in a moment's notice. Losing her lunch she slumped next to the toilet as she let it flush. Pressing her forehead against the cool porcelin of the bathtub for a moment. She had eaten little and everytime she tried to speak she lost what little she had and was growing weaker.

Pale and in a cold sweat hugging herself she returned and sat on the edge of the bed and looked down at Jyo as he continued speaking. He begged to help her and he was currently doing just the opposite. Asking her to speak. Forcing her to take his touch. Putting presure on her. She was losing it. She thought she was going to scream from it all. His voice lost that echo and she looked over at him. Noticing he was growing a bit lighter not as clear and her eyes widened a little bit. His own tear was met with several of her own as she knelt down in front of him once more looking up at him could he not understand. She took his hands again showing him something anything. She didn't understand and yet she still couldn't and wouldn't speak.

He talked about how they weren't lovers and she nodded. They hadn't been. They had been deeply in love inseperable but he was losing her slowly because of this. Because she couldn't bear to look in the mirror because she could bear to think of herself outside of this room. Because every night the nightmares plagued her torturing her with their slow and precise replays of that night. Things just around the academy triggered day nightmares. She couldn't escape her mind was against her now where her body had been on that night. She had the memories from Sheeta of killing him and now she had blood on her hands. She was a murderer. She was not valid. She should end her life now and never again bother this plane of existance with her petty worthless life. She noticed his hand go ethereal and she cried harder. She couldn't speak. She was unworthy of holding him here. There was nothing she could give him. Her body was ruined she was repulsive and ugly. She didn't deserve the love of someone so pure. He had come back from the dead just for her and she didn't even know why. Love yes. She understood that but in the dark and cold that she currently lived in love was a small red flower that bloomed slowly in the center. No sun to guide it's stem. No wind to give it life. No rain to give it nourishment. She was cold all the time. There was never a time that she could just smile and be happy. When was the last time she had truly smiled just out of happiness?

With another set of words she looked up at him her eyes pleading with him. How could after all this he not understand that her voice was something she had not yet found again? She had found life again was that not good enough? Did he not realize how many times she thought about all the sharp objects in her room and how easily she could rid the world of her sorry existance. She knew to kill yourself was a sin but she was willing to take that chance sometimes. It was during those dark times that Alastin had to help her. He was a source of good in her life not bad. But Jyo, she didn't want to lose him but she couldn't and wouldn't speak. He reached to her but his hand though she reached back very hesitantly fell right through his. She cried harder as she looked up at him silently. Staring right into his eyes her own filled with nothing but pain. She was a lost girl and it was hard to find yourself again once you had lost so much. Innocence had been a huge part of Ziare so had being around as many people as possible but now she couldn't stand it. People scared her. Her trust had been broken. Where once she had a friend that had made plans with her only to take her and rip her innocence away. How was it that she could ever trust the human race again?

Ziare could only look up at Jyo and watch him. Still no words would come. She had nothing left in her stomach to lose but it was already heaving again just thinking of opening her mouth once more.

[jyo]

It was the look in Zaire's eyes and the simple act of her reaching out for him in returne that showed Jyo that even if not much he had reached something. He became slighly more visable and solid. It was also then he started thinking a little more clearly about the entire situation. Once more he proved that he thought only with his heart and not his head.
"About time you woke up and realized what was happening." Said Ember letting both Jyo and Zaire hear him.
You're a smart person but can bit a bit daft at time. Now pull yourself together and help her like you want to. You don't need her permission. Just do it" Said the fire-wiolf walking back to Zaire.

Jyo became completely solid and stood up. His eyes were back to their normal green but were much brighter. He unearhtly glow came back as well. Like moonlight constaly shining on him.
"Sorry. I lost myself for a while." He said. The echo back. But his tone was much more like his old one instead of his pleading one. He looked at Zaire still horrified at what this chain of events had done to her. But his eyes showed that he was really ready to help her now.

He once more took Zaire's hand in his notcing this touch didn't seem to disturbe her like her shoulders.
"Zaire I know what happend was terrible. But please make it through this. I know you can. you're a strong person. And if you need it iI'll be with you every step of the way. I'm not ready to give up on you. And you shouldn't be ready to give up either." he said softly. His voice was more confidant now. more soothing. It seemed he was slightly more like himself before he had gone into the coma.

[Ziare]

Ziare saw him become more solid in front of her and her heart seemed to blossom just a little as he became whole once more. She watched him carefully still not saying a word as he began to take back the form he had when he had entered the room. He took her hand and she stood up.

Ember was chewing Jyo out but she didn't care. Jyo seemed to be back to himself and he wasn't begging her to speak anymore. She wiped the tears off her face and left her hand in his. She didn't know what they were going to do now as she didn't know what you did with your .. boyfriend who was dead but not really dead. That didn't even make sense.

She slipped her hand out of his and sat on the edge of her bed. She looked up at Jyo who said that he would never leave nor betray her again. But betrayal wasn't really an issue she just needed time to heal and she just felt so dirty she felt so wrong. Like she would never be right again. There was no point in life anymore. She just wanted to take care of herself sometimes. To drown her sorrows in someway.

She looked up at Jyo wondering where they went from here. She couldn't imagine how you went out with much less wedded a dead person even if she was well and healthy.

[jyo]

Jyo walked over and sat next to Zaire. not really touching her as she needed some space.
"So is there anything I can do to help?' He asked calmly.
"Even just staying here. Just nod yes or no, I really want to know if there is anything I can do." he said. Even if she asked him to leave that was a bit more bearable now. And it wasn't like he couldn't find her now. Jyo just wished there was a way to speed things up. But he knew rushing her wouldn't be smart of considerate. She had to be put before him as he had done so many times before.

He gave a small smile. Not really of happiness. But more for moral support. He took time to look at Zair for a while. Though she was notibly different and her eyes held a different look as well. He still saw in her the girl that made his heart beat so hard during that night of fireworks they had seen together. And he knew he'd do anything to make sure she could be happy again at some point.
Hmmm I wonder.... I'll ask in a minute depending on if she wants me to leave or not for right now. He thought.

[Ziare]

Jyo sat down next to her but he was nice enough to give her space and she beckoned Ember over. When he came she ran her hand through his thick fur. She sighed softly as Jyo asked if she needed anything. She shook her head no. She really didn't need anything at all.

She looked up at him and almost felt bad she couldn't speak so she went and got a pad and a pen so they could at least get a few things accomplished instead of yes and no questions. She rubbed her tired eyes and yawned.

-You can stay a bit longer if you like..-

She wrote to him and handed him the tablet. It was as good as it was going to get right now she just couldn't speak yet as he had seen just a moment ago. She looked up at him and nodded hoping he would like to or at least have an idea of what they should do now.

[jyo]

Jyo smiled warmly at what she wrote. Even if she couldn't speak she was communicating with him. Which broguht him alot of hope.
"Yes I would like to stay. We've been apart too long for me to WANT to leave right now." he said and took a few moments sitting beside her glad to be with her even in such conditions.

He looked into her eyes for a while remebering all the times they had spent together before this. They had held each other,Loved each other and made so many plans for their future together. But now it was seeming to hang by a thread because of what happened. Without really thing Jyo put and arm around Zai and wrapped a wing around her as well. Touching him now would feel pleasently cool. Like a pleasent breeze on a hot sumer day. He thought for a moment then spoke.
"Zaire. Later tonight would you care to join me for a while?" he asked.