Look who's back (Phae)

[Phae]

Phae smiled softly when the kiss broke. Her heart was racing for some reason. No not some reason. She knew the reason. She kissed the tip of Junpei's nose as she nuzzled back into him. She had never felt him unshaven and it felt funny. Kinda tickly. She kissed his cheek and looked into his gray eyes.

"Jun, you shouldn't have left. I'm not going to pretend that everything is okay with us because it's not. Perhaps one day but it won't be immediate. You have no idea.. and I cannot tell you how much that truly hurt me." she whispered.

She slowly got out of his lap. She missed living in this room. She missed it so much. Sleeping in his arms. Waking to his smile. Feeling his warm presence all through the night. TEars came unbiddened to her eyes and she wiped them off.

"I should go to give you time to settle in." she said reluctantly not really wanting to go. She never wanted to let him out of her sight again. He meant much too much to her still.

"Can.. you come over tonight? For dinner maybe? Or something?" she asked softly looking down at the floor kinda embarrassed for some reason.

[Junpei]

He nodded in understanding at her words, no way would he dream of being forgiven so soon. Getting out of his lap he cringed a bit, not anting the contact to be broken but still understanding that it was necessary he supposed. Her nuzzling his cheek had reminded him just how unshaven he was and he roughly rubbed his neck and chin, stubble was everywhere. Groaning a bit to himself he stood up and crossed the room, the ceiling above still in perfect alignment but he barely noticed. His eyes found Phaedra and he wrapped his arms around her waist protectively, as always, and forced her to look up at him.

"I would love nothing more Phae, and no, I don't need time to settle in, because it won't be home until you're here. It's my fault that you're like this and don't pretend it's not ALL my fault. So I am insisting that you either sleep here by yourself or throw me out and sleep wherever you like. I can't even think of this room without you Phaedra, I had a day of being alone in here and that was enough to make me feel depressed. I know I don;t deserve you, and if I have to sleep o the floor I don't care, but this was your home for months. You deserve the right to feel safe here. I took tat from you and I want you to have it back..."

He smiled softly, trying to reassure her that yes he was here and NO he would NOT be leaving.

"Oh and one more thing, I don't know if it's the right time... but I had a new ring made."

Fishing threw his pockets Junpei quickly pulled out a small black box, his hand being shown now shown that he had never taken the rings she gave him off, not once. If one did remove them they would find a white band of skin wear the rings were. Even the ring of hair from when they first got together was there, still strong as ever thanks to his spells. Opening up the small case revealed a ring of pure black.

"Take it when you feel like you can... it'll only react to you..."

[Phae]

Phae felt his arms come around her and she nearly moaned. She bit her lower lip and leaned into him gently. She had been without his touch for so very long. He told her that he wanted her to stay in his room again. Tears came quickly to her eyes as he had no idea how much she wanted to say yes.

"Junpei, I..."

But she was cut off when he told her he had something for her. A new ring and the tears fell harder now. The ring was pure black and he told her that it wouldn't activate til she touched it. She chewed on her lower lip before she was forced to move out of his arms and sit on the side of the bed once more broken in tears.

She still loved him. Probably always would for whatever reason. But she couldn't stay here and that ring. It was her engagement ring aside from the one that still resided around her neck on a white gold chain. She put her face in her hands and just let the tears fall. How would she ever be able to trust him again. Her trust had never been fully mended and now .. now he had broken it again. And now she felt pushed to move back in here and resume life like nothing had ever happened and she just couldn't do that.

She couldn't speak either she could only cry right now. As she grabbed the pillow that had once been hers and hugged it to herself while the tears flowed and the sobs sounded. Everything had been so perfect for them before all this. And now.. she was lost. Lost in a sea of guilt and love.

[Junpei]

More crying, usual with Phaedra but this time... had he caused her more pain? She had apparently found someone new... he had lost her... forever. She moved away from him and onto his bed, yes his bed, not theirs but his. She was lost to him, she wouldn't come back now, not after what he had done. He had lost her fully this time. He wasn't trustworthy enough for her... she was out of his reach.

Taking a deep breath Junpei moved to the side of the bed and slumped down on the edge of the bed, back against the side. His hands came up to run threw his rough and shaggy hair, not the same hair he had a month ago. No now it was longer and more untamed, with a rugged look to him Junpei was a different personal physically and emotionally. He wasn't the same an Phaedra had fallen in love with was he? Maybe, but he was never going to regain her trust now, he had left her alone and now he was loosing her and himself. What had he done?

"Phaedra... if you don't want to... you don;t have to do anything... you could just leave me alone... and I'd never bother you again..."

His eyes were faintly green, his back was on fire again, high emotion equaled high chance of transformation. He let his emotions to easily control his powers now. He had almost gone overboard when he saw her, even then his magic was rearing from the shock of seeing her after a month. She was More toned, if that was possible, than ever before. She had found someone new who had probably already made her feel on top of the world. Junpei was, for the first time in his life, admitting absolute defeat.

[Phae]

*SMACK*

Phae now stood infront of Junpei and she had wholloped him one. A good one. Fire flared in her eyes as she looked down at him and growled visciously. She did have someone that made her feel on top of the world but now Junpei was feeling sorry for himself and not doing a damned bit of good.

"If you are just going to give up then perhaps you never loved me in the first place. I told you a long time ago I couldn't live without you damnit yet you consistantly leave me. And look at you now, 'Oh Phaedra I promise I'll never leave you' and then this shit! How dare you! How dare you say you won't leave and then tell me you will! You bastard!"

She was fuming and she was pissed. She threw her pillow at him hard before grabbing her blade and slapping it back on her belt.

"If that is all I ever meant to you then GO TO HELL JUNPEI TALTOS. See you there." she growled as she opened his door and slammed it hard so that the sound resonated from the walls as she started down the hall. She knew she was going to hell she had killed people you didn't go to heaven after that no matter how hard you prayed.

She didn't get far before she leaned against the wall and put her face in her hand and tried not to cry but her body was sobbing anyway despite her best efforts. He had given up on her.

[Junpei]

He didn't even flinch as she slapped him, he deserved it. She could do anything to him right now and he would deserve it. She was only happy when he was around, and he couldn't be there for her. He was supposed to be with her but his life kept on getting in the way. She was right, he did deserve to go to hell. He was going to hell no questions asked, he had done horrible things in his life things that were unforgivable. To top it all off he had just heard the door slam shut when she left, followed by the thud of a body on the wall outside.

Sliding up slowly, red hand print still fresh on his cheek, he moved across the room and opened the door, she wasn't far. He moved down the hallway and slowly, carefully, wrapped his arms around her shoulders. He couldn't do anything else right now but that. He wasn't even sure what he was doing, his eyes fully green now and his markings were flaring up. He was about to change into what he was now, a monster with angel wings.

I'm sorry Phaedra, but you have to understand, I don;t know to do for once in my life. I don;t know how I can help you or how I can ever make you trust me again. I... I need your help Phaedra..."

He slowly let go of her and slid against th wall, his energy almost gone from the exhausting trip back and the emotional pull on his body now. It wasn't the physical exhaustion that was bringing blackness to the edge of his vision, it was his brain and heart at war with each other once more. His vision was blackening, his eyes trying to close, he wasn't sure if he would ever wake up. Did he want to wake up this time... or did he want to die right here next to her, the one place where he always felt safe.

[Phae]

He came to her like she figured he would. It seemed that somehow he really did care for her. She would have smiled had she been any resemblance of normal. She looked up and saw something .. his eyes.. they were green. She gasped. They only did that when he changed to his summon thing. She was afraid of why he was changing now.

He moved away and for the first time she saw how tired and exhausted he was. Her heart poured out to him and she got up putting herself to the side as normal as she took his hand and pulled him up with her muscles.

"Come with me." she said softly.

She put her arm around his waist and helped him back into the room. Getting him back into the room she sat him on the bed and closed and locked the door. Coming over to him she took his coat off and his shirt before tossing them to the desk. Laying him back she took off his shoes and socks.

"Sleep with me Jun." she whispered.

She climbed up and over him onto what used to be her side of the bed. She lay down and curled up just like old times. She was tired and hadn't been sleeping well at all and he was exhausted and needed her or he was going to make himself sick.

"Come to bed. Sleep." she said moving into her position in his arms her head in that same spot as always. Just once more.. just .. once.

[Junpei]

His eyes wearily rolled up to look at Phaedra as she hefted him up, god she was strong. She wasn't just physically strong, she had the kind of strength that only years of trial and tribulation could bring. He had been part of that, he had hurt her. Right now though, he couldn't go on, he was numb from head to toe, inside and out. He barely noticed that he was on the bed when she pulled off his coat, he almost stopped her and told her to leave, but he didn't have the strength to fight back anymore, not now.

"Phaedra I..."

He clenched his teeth as she pulled off his shirt to reveal a black and blue bruise, the result of a bad teleport spell in which he had come out inches above a pillar and slammed into it on his right side. He hadn't been totally focused when he teleported from home to a way point for the academy and now he was paying for it.

He felt his boots and socks slip off, what the hell was she doing? She shouldn't be doing this, she was mad at him. Sure she may still love him, may always love him but he had hurt her. She should have left by now, why wasn't she leaving. It hurt, his back, his mind, even his chest was hurting now. He tried to move but his body wouldn't respond, to tired.

"Damnit..."

He whispered out as she slipped din beside him. She was curling up against him, taking up her old spot, telling him to sleep. What was she doing... why was she doing this. Was she toying with him... no she wouldn't do that. Was she just urging him to sleep so she could slip out... maybe that was it.

She's leaving... isn't she?

Shhh Junpei, she won't leave you, it'll be fine.

Zandra.. is that you?

Yes Junpei, you're about to switch to you're summon mode.. please sleep.. for Phaedra and for yourself.

Heh, thanks Zandra...

Junpei silently fell asleep as his summon angel exited his mind, taking with her the magic that was building to his transformation. His body would finally relax after a month of constant stress. Soon the effects of that month would take hold, for Junpei had dealt with it in the worst way possible, he had barely eaten an barely slept. Him and Phaedra had something in common at least, they both seemed thrived near the other.

[Phae]

He tried to protest but she wouldn't let him. He needed sleep and so did she. Together they could sleep better than ever and so that was what they were going to do. She closed her eyes and held him tightly as she began to drift. She knew that she might be betraying Blacky by sleeping next to Jun but the thing was she needed him right now and he needed her.

Yes he had broken her heart many times now but right now they needed each other and this was what they needed most.. sleep. She relaxed her own body slipping off her shoes she grabbed a blanket and covered them both up. She had missed this. Sleeping in Junpei's strong arms. Here where problems didn't count and the world couldn't touch them.

Delana felt a sense of peace wash over her mother. She was in her mother's dorm room but even Del seemed to curl up and go to sleep in the middle of her mothers soft bed.

[Junpei]

Junpei's eyes opened several hours later in a dark and cold room. The nether fire torches had gone out long ago with no one to watch over them and keep them warm and hearty. Junpei almost cursed as he looked at the sorry state of the room. A sleeping Phaedra made him second guess his own consciousness but then the days prior events washed over him and he groaned softly. In a room not to far away a certain Jhereg was cuddled up next to his mate, whom he hadn't seen for a month either.

"Why did I leave?"

Junpei slowly crawled out of bed, something he didn't want to do but felt the need to. Slowly he stretched out and grabbed a shirt, the cold room biting at his bare flesh. He slipped on his regular black shirt and slowly pulled on some socks. He looked over at the desk, only one spot was clear, probably where Phaedra balled her eyes out night after night. Junpei felt a pang of guilt run threw him, not so much as a note. He slowly moved to the closet and opened it up, same outfits, he needed new slacks now, he was taller. He pulled out a small box and opened it, his treasure box one might say. Phaedra had helped him to deal with his mother and father's death, she had helped him so much. He was a horrible person and he felt horrible.

Next he moved about the room and lit each torch by hand, resting his bare palm over the torches he would call up his nether fire and light the torch. Next he moved to the foot of the bed nd placed his hand on the sheets. He let his magic flow into the sheets ad they started their endless dance of reds and deep crimsons, his usual sheets were back. Finally he turned to the ceiling, and sighed.

Some five minutes later he could be found with glasses on and a book in hand, yes he was wearing glasses now. He had needed them all along but never cared for them, now he was wearing them, went to show just how far he had gone. Looking down at the book of astronomy and then back at the ceiling he would move one star or another to line them up correctly. It would be weeks before he inserted his new ideas.

[Phae]

Phae stirred when he left. Her head hit the pillow and immediatly she was no longer sleeping well. She tossed and turned while Junpei moved about the room. She hugged a pillow to her before turning over again her skirt riding higher on her body as she tossed the pillow over to the desk. That wasn't warm she needed someone there.

She began to groan as she fought her sleep.

"Jun.." she whispered.. "Black..y..." she whispered as she began to wake.

She tossed some more and grabbed her blanket trying to stay warm but she couldn't and ended up throwing it off.

"...why.. did you.. go..." she whispered as she tossed and turned some more the bed shaking slightly as she moved.

[Junpei]

Junpei looked down s Phaedra whimpered someone else's name. He cringed, and a shot of jealousy ran right threw him. His eyes flared for a moment, a vibrant green that quickly quelled to a dull grey again. He moved over and sat down next to Phaedra, laying the book down on the nightstand he pulled her into his lap and slowly ran a hand threw her hair, slowly brushing away the beautiful red hair. He still remembered all the nights they had spent here. All the nights they had slept here and not slept here, but laid in each others arms for hours after they made love. All those memories were tainted by Junpei, he felt ashamed of himself.

"Shh I'm here now. I won't go anywhere... even if it means giving up everything for you Phaedra."

He leaned over and kissed her forehead lightly, then slowly rose back up to continue running his hand idly threw her hair. She was well toned still and that skirt riding high, although nothing new, still drove him into a heightened state. He gulped down the lump in his throat and carefully moved her so she would have her head resting against his stomach as he started back into work on the stars, glasses back on.

Another five minutes and he was ready to start work on the ceiling, work was the only way to keep from beating himself apart about yesterday, which was hard already.

"So if I want a realistic tracking moon with cycles and phases i need.... this spell."

Talking to himself, a trait he had only recently picked up, Junpei wrote down a few things on a legal pad with a pen and then checked off another box. Sighing once more he leaned back and stared at the ceiling, it would be a big project to implement and fully functioning moon in the ceiling, but well worth it for summoning acts that required lunar alignment and such.

[Phae]

Warm and comforting arms picked her up and near immediatly she felt at peace again. He pulled her close and spoke to her. His hands working through her soft hair that had at least this time not lost the luster it had once had. She slept peacefully again. Her hand however clenched Junpei's shirt as if she was never going to let him go again.

**

It was another hour later before she finally woke. The first thing she found was Jun's smell. And his touch of his hand running through her hair. She smiled and didn't open her eyes just yet. Because when she did all the problems were going to happen again. He still had left her, twice now. He still had betrayed her and broken his promises. But right now in this moment she was content with him.

She nuzzled into him softly and never once let go of his shirt. She kissed his stomach softly through the shirt her pillow .. her Junpei. She cracked one of her eyes and chuckled.

"You look so studious with your glasses on." she said softly still in that 'i'm not awake and have no problems' state.

[Junpei]

He felt the tug on his shirt and smiled a bit as he jotted down a few runes on his legal pad, his glasses riding a bit low on his nose giving him an intent look of study. He pushed them up and looked over at the book, then ran a hand threw Phaedra's hair softly. That simple motion was enough to calm him. Hearing her voice he chuckled softly, closing his eyes and leaning his head over he smiled down at her.

"My eye have always been shot to hell and back, I just hated the glasses before and magic was working fine for it. However, I think a less magical approach to life will suit me well. Morning by the way."

Junpei yawned softly and closed the book, then put the legal pad on the nightstand with it. Slowly he stretched his arms over his head and then grabbed both book and pad up. Without smiling he laid the book and pad down o Phaedr'as back, then went back to work.

"You have no idea how long I've been waiting for you to wake up so I could do that."

He said with a slightly uneasy grin. He brushed both book and legal pad off of her before slipping his arms under hers and lacing his fingers with hers. Another simple act that would keep both of them dreamy for at least a little longer.

"I'm sorry... for everything."

[Phae]

It was morning already? She hadn't intended to spend the night but she had and now she felt really good. Not because she had been sleeping in Jun's arms but anyone's arms that cared for her. She had been so tired and now she was feeling a lot better. She yawned softly when Jun put his book on her back and went to work she chuckled making the book move and screwing up his writing.

He took the pad off her back and put his arms around her holding her close their fingers entwined. She smiled and sat up so that she was leaning against himand her body was still between his legs but now her back was to his chest.

"I know. I just don't want to think about it right now. Because i know my life won't be without me rehashing everything for the next few weeks trying to make decisions." she said softly.

She placed his hand under her shirt just on her stomach. Where it seemed had been his favorite place to stroke when they had been together before. She closed her eyes and just enjoyed the fact that she was waking up with someone. Junpei was back. And right now she was letting her mind stay blank.