Look who's back (Phae)

[Junpei]

"K."

Was the simple but elegant response from Junpei. He really was glad to see that she was allowing herself to enjoy the moment as best she could. Junpei wondered how she would chose. After all this new guy must be something to win Phae over and show her how to move on. Junpei hadn't even thought of a love beyond Phae, Phaedra was his first and he had hoped she would be his last, but it didn't look like that would be the case now. ell he had never even kissed anyone but her... she had probably already moved on. Was she tormenting him now, was this some sort of sick revenge on her part... he sure as hell hoped not.

Softly running his hand back and forth across her stomach he cosed his eyes and sat with her, just enjoying the early morning air that poured in threw the open window behind him. He had work to do today but for now he could just sit here with Phaedra an everything would be OK. He softly leaned down and kissed her neck, a gentle and re-assuring action was all. He lingered a bit but didn't push the intimate act. After all she was un-trusting of him now... she would be forever now.

[Phae]

Phae felt his hand work across her stomach over and over again. She was slipping. Right back into where she had been before but she knew that she still didn't trust Junpei. But God how she wanted to. But there was Blacky to think about and she knew that she had to talk to him and see where they stood before they made any decision.

The kiss on her neck made her shiver. It wasn't out of repulsiveness but she had no sex or making love in a month after having it frequently with Junpei. Her neck had always been sensitive and right now it was in over drive especially with that kiss. She knew that she needed to leave soon or she was going to do something that Blacky would hate her for.

"So.. now that you are back. What are your plans?" she asked softly.

Her eyes were still closed as she was completly relaxed against him again. She was trying not to concentrate on her need or the fact that he had kissed her neck again after knowing how sensitive it was.

[Junpei]

"Mmm go back to teaching mist likely. I still have the title student teacher around her and even if I was gone I'll just reschedule my classes. I'm changing the ceiling again, adding in the moon and some telescoping features to let me start astronomy work. It was on my agenda anyways."

He leaned back down and softly laid his chin on her shoulder, still keeping the contact to a minimum but not allowing more than that. He still wanted to talk to her about where they stood right now, how much she still felt attached to him, and where she stood with this new guy.

Junpei was jealous, in all honesty, that someone would be there. He had hoped Phaedra would at least wait a month for him, it seemed she had only waited a week or so. Curse his bad luck but now he was being left behind. His fault he guessed, although he spited his family now.

"Phaedra, you should know the real reason why I left. Yes my grandfather did die but... there's something else."

Slowly he turned her around an made her look in his eyes, her eyes were still that same sparkling blue.

"Phaedra... now that I'm the head of the family I take over control of the entire family, like I said. There is something else.. you should know... I'm now the sole heir of the family magic line. Negi never followed me into summoning magic, his blood isn't that of a summoner it's that of a light sorcerer. SO for one month, I had to sit around and wait for the magic to pass to me, from my grandfather's body... and I couldn't let you in on that. Even if we had been married I couldn't, and if I had worried you with it... would you have felt any better... knowing I might not survive the ordeal?.. forget it. This isn't for now, just forget I said it..."

Junpei slowly tilted his head back down and his hands slipped out from around her. He sat back, back against the headboard now he ran a hand threw his hair and let out a low sigh.

"I really do love you Phaedra, I still want to marry yo, but I want to know something.... do you love someone else now..."

[Phae]

And so the moment was broken. She sighed sofly when he began to explain his reasons for leaving her. She closed her eyes and did her best not to think about it. She didn't want to think about it really she just wanted to move on with her life but she couldn't without this beind resolved. So she listened.

"I can't forget it you already said it Junpei." she said sighing. "I'm sorry about your grandfather, but you really should have contacted me some way. Loish for Christs sake Junpei could have told Delana that you loved me and would be back. But damnit you left me like I meant nothing, and left me still like I was worthless. One month. I tell you I waited weeks. Sleeping little, eating little, doing too much just to keep my mind off of where you had gone. I assumed you had died or something really Junpei. I cried myself to sleep and nights mourning you because I seriously thought you were gone. So I threw myself into my training because I had nothing else to do." she said softly telling him the truth.

He then asked her if she loved someone else and her heart constricted because it was a hard question to answer. She closed her eyes for a moment after he asked her.

"I'm going to tell you the truth. When I met Richard we fought immediatly. Swords clashing in the courtyard. And I kicked his butt so he took me out to breakfast. This was three weeks after you left by the way." she told him. "I didn't eat much but he had his ways of making sure I ate everything until he was satisfied. He was kind enough to watch over me and take care of me. He slowly got me back into eating again slowly healing me and taking time with me. My first night of sleep was me falling asleep in his room because I was so tired. We were watching the stars and I just konked out. But there has been this connection between us. Love? No, I cant say that it is love. I don't even know how he feels about me. All I know is that he took care of me when I needed someone and I can't just cast him aside like he meant nothing. So yes, I have to make a decision but no, I'm not sure that I love him."

She swallowed and touched Junpei's cheek. She began to get up and unless he stopped her she would make it up and begin to smoothe out her clothing.

[Junpei]

He stopped her, that wasn't what he expected to hear, not at all. She had waited three whole weeks... she was.. oh god he was a fool. He rested one hand on each shoulder and pulled her down softly, letting her slip back to wear she had been.

"Phaedra Weiss, I'm the biggest fool on earth. I.. I can't forgive myself for this but I can do something for you. If you... trust, me enough. I'll let you into my mind, and have permanent connection to it. If you wan tit.. ti will let you know where I am at all times, what I'm doing, what I'm seeing... it's the most important bond you can make... and... and it's only possible with a jhereg owner..."

He waited, it was a huge step. It would give her unlimited access to his mind, she would be able to talk to him, see what he saw, hear what he heard, and even know his surface thoughts. She would be him and he would b her essentially. If one dies the other would feel it, if one was in need, on would feel it. It was essentially a marriage of the mind.

[Phae]

Phae felt him pull her back down into him and she didn't fight it. She closed her eyes and listened to what he had to say. If he had asked her a month ago she would have jumped at the chance to have that kind of connection. A trust re-established so to speak. But right now it was too much of a commitment.

"Junpei, I can't. And not because I don't trust you or because I've given up on you. But because that isn't the point. You're trying to do this so I'll always know where you are whether you tell me or not but you're missing the bigger picture. I WANT you to tell me where you're going. I WANT to know I am important enough that you'll inform me before you disappear. Because that's just it isn't Junpei.."

This time she did get up because she was mad again. They were no longer in cuddly happy just waking mode. He had brought up the subject and now they were hashing it out again.

"You were in such a hurry to leave in the middle of the night you couldn't spare THREE FREAKING MINUTES for me. No, I was not important enough was I? Obviously. Because you couldn't even grab a scrap of paper and write...

-Phaedra, family emergency, have to leave, I love you, see you when I can, Jun-

No that was too good for me wasn't it?! Because it was sooo much better to make me suffer. Think I wasn't good enough for anyone. Well damnit Junpei that hurt more than you will ever know. How could you just abandon me and expect us to go back to the way things were? I'm not giving up but damnit it isn't going to be easy. You left me. Like I was last weeks newspaper. Like I mattered so little to you that you couldn't even wake me to tell me. Damnit do you think I would have worried more! Hell no! You didn't have to tell me about the posibility of death but you could have at least told me that you were going somewhere. How in the hell was I supposed to know that you had not just up and decided you didn't need me anymore!? Do you know what it's like to go around with that kind of indecision weighting on your mind?! I never slept! Do you understand me! I don't eat! I don't do anything! Because I was worthless. How does that make a GIRL FEEL!?"

She wiped the tears that had accumulated on her cheeks away as she grabbed her sword and strapped it back on her hips.

"I'll tell you." she said softly as she turned her tortured eyes on him. "It makes her feel.. like dying."

And then there it was. Her thoughts on suicide. The reason she had come for the book. The reason she had run into him. She turned on her heal and worked her way to the door. Opening it she stepped out before closing it softly. This was the Phae that had reached the end of her ropes. The one that had come for the book that was in his pocket. The book that was all about magical deaths. She made her way down the hallway.

[Junpei]

"PHAEDRA WEISS!"

Came the voice of a very green eyed Junpei Taltos. His form materialized in front of her, right in front of her he would grab onto her tightly and pull her into his chest regardless of if she tried to stop him. If she had just said what he thought she had said then he was sure he wouldn't see the end of today. She had said she wanted to die, honestly wanted to die. She had been holding THAT book, the one he had looked at numerous times himself.

Tears streamed down his cheeks as he closed his eyes and let his emotions come back under control for a moment. She had wanted to die because of him and now... now he didn't know if he wanted to live.

"Phaedra... I won't let you die for someone like me, never. I swore I would be with you until the end, until the end of time and space. Phaedra I wouldn't dare leave you for anything, not now, not ever again. Forget my life, it belongs to you now. Phaedra I still love you with all of my heart, I want you to trust me again. So please, don't give up on life because I'm not here. I tried to give up on lief once before, but you... you stopped me from thinking there was an early end. What good am I as a human being, much less the man who loves you, if I would let you die without even asking you to trust me again and let me help you again. Phaedra... what I did is unforgivable, but I want you to trust me again. Please Phaedra, don't give up on yourself... If you did I would to. You are my reason for living Phaedra."

He didn't let go, just got quiet, very quiet. He wasn't drained now, no he was fully awake. He wasn't letting go either, and he wouldn't let go until she heard him out again, and again, and again. He wouldn't let her go until she understood, that if she was gone, then he was gone. She was his world.

[Phae]

Phae's head shot up when she heard her name screamed from Junpei's lips. How in the hell had he gotten in front of her? She blinked for a moment before he pulled her in tightly and she closed her eyes and though she tried to fight for a few minutes she couldn't get loose.

She surrendered and lay in his arms slowly her arms rose and she hugged him back. She listened to his words and her body in his arms began to tremble as she slowly let out all the anguish and depression that had been plaguing her for so long. He didn't want her to die but the truth was when he was gone she had thought about it often until she had met Blacky.

He finished and became quiet. Slowly Phae slipped down him to the floor where she pulled her legs to her chest and cried. She rocked back and forth.

"I need you Junpei. I need you so badly but every time you say you won't leave you do. I want to trust you. I NEED to trust you. I need your arms around me at night, and I need your voice talking to me. I need to feel wanted, important, and loved. I need so many things but I don't know if you are willing to commit to that. I need someone who will commit to me." she said crying.

She looked up at him as the tears ran down her face. She wondered what he would do. Would he take her back into his room and prove to her that he could commit. Would he give up on her. Would he get mad and hurt her? She waited.

[Junpei]

"I know.. I know... will you... will you please continue to stay with me. I need you... I need you more now than I have ever needed anything."

He slowly held her, burying his face into her neck and slowly trying to stop the tears that leaked from his eyes. It was now that she would be able to feel how much weight HE had lost since he left. Almost 30 pounds had been shed from him, he was a wreck.

His eyes were a more dull grey than that bright silver they had been. His hair was now a black from neglect and his face was truly a mess as now he had a slight beard. What had happened to him? He had left her and he had made a mistake. Now he was changed as well, he realized how horrid of a person he had been. How could she still love him?

[Phae]

Phae looked up at him as he moved down and hugged her. She could indeed feel the changes and it hurt her deeply. She closed her eyes and nuzzled into his own neck. She didn't know what else to do but to hold him close to her.

"I will for now.. but I can't promise forever." she whispered as she stood up and wiped her tears off.

"Junpei lets go home." she whispered.

Now standing she took his hand and wiped the tears from his face with her other hand as she led him back to the dorm. Inside she kissed his cheek.

"You need a shower. I'll cook some food okay." she said softly as she handed him a fresh towel and pointed towards their bathroom while she headed into the kitchen.

[Junpei]

He felt her pull him up and lead him into his room. She called it home, but did she actually think of it as home. He didn't care, he was numb again. He slipped his arms around her before she moved to their little kitchen. Something new, something he had added just before he left. He was numb still and he could barely feel anything, save for her body against his.

He let go after a few seconds and slipped into the bathroom. He fully undressed right after shutting the door. He turned on the hot and cold taps and let the water heat up. He gave it a boost with quick fire spell and stepped in. Warm water ripped into him and for the first time in a month his muscles seemed to relax a bit.

What have I done... I can't even look her in the eyes without feeling this stinging guilt and pain... which I deserve.

He turned around and let his now shoulder length hair soak in the water. He poured shampoo into his hands and washed his hair out, allowing a few knots to be undone as well. As he finished washing out his hair he turned back around and let hot water splash over his face, removing any soap from his bangs. Finally he rinsed off with soap and then stood for five minutes and soaked up the heat the water provided.

Flipping off the taps he grabbed a towel an dried off his hair and then body, then wrapped the towel tightly around his waist. Grabbing a can of shaving cream Junpei lathered up his face and took out a straight edge razor. Slowly he shaved off the stubble that had grown in all over his face and when he was done there was nothing but a clean shave. Whipping off the blade he placed it back in the cabinet and washed off his face once more. He pulled out a bottle of after shave and splashed it on. He bit the iside of his cheek to keep the pain from driving him insane... maybe more insane.

Walking back out he inhaled deeply, Phaedra's breakfast' were always the best... anything she made was always the best.

[Phae]

Junpei pulled her close and she went. She nuzzled into him gently. He was so warm. His arms wrapped around her and she closed her eyes just breathing in his warm scent and feeling his soft arms holding her tightly to him.

When he let go she smiled softly and went into the kitchen. It was a small one most of the newer dorms seemed to be coming with kitchens but Junpei had added this one. She began rifling through the fridge and pulling out all the things they would need for this breakfast.

Eggs, bacon, peppers, cheese. She didn't touch the sausage because it reminded her too much of the class and so she didn't want to touch that. She pulled out pans and the butter and prepared everything. Putting some biscuits in the oven so they would be done by the time the eggs and bacon were. She began to fry them up as she heard the shower running.

She knew she would be taking a shower soon herself as she hadn't had one since working out the day before and she felt like she needed one. By the time Junpei was done with his shower and stepped out she had pulled the biscuits from the oven and placed them and the other food on the plates.

"Breakfast is ready, Jun." she said lightly with a smile as she looked up at him. "I hope you like it."

She walked up to him dressed in his towel and looking really good at the moment. She handed him his plate and a fork gently.

"Here you are."

[Junpei]

He smiled weakly as she handed him the plate and, what was he doing here again? Oh yes he was trying to win back the love of his life and horribly stumbling threw the start. Taking the fork up he took a bite of eggs and his eyes slipped shut as he let the warm and wonderful food slide down his throat. That was his first bite of home cooked food in a month, it tasted amazing. Not only cause it was fresh but because Phaedra had actually stayed to make it. She could have left at any time during that time he as in the shower, gotten her revenge by leaving HIM without a moments notice. She was above that though, he supposed.

"It's wonderful."

He managed to get out before setting it down on the desk and then returned to her and wrapped his arms gently around her waist and slipped her back against his chest. He took a deep breath and sighed gently, here she was, in his arms again. As he had thought before he was a fool and she had every right to hate him to death, but she didn't. How could he have walked out on such an amazing person, someone so amazingly perfect and he had left. What a fool.

"If I ever try and leave again I want you to take off a leg, deal?"

[Phae]

Phae felt his arms move around her and pull her into his lap. She leaned against him and ate her own breakfast. The bacon was her favorite just the taste of it. The biscuits had been buttered so that they would nearly melt in your mouth. She ate her eggs and smiled as he held her.

When he brought up leaving her again she sighed and put over half her breakfast down on the desk. She looked over at him and looked deep into his eyes.

"If I forgive you and you leave me again, .. one I won't ever forgive you again, two I won't be here for you to come back to, and three you might as well forget we ever had anything. Because I swear Junpei Taltos I'll die and then haunt your every day." she said.

She stood up and kissing his wet hair she grabbed a black button down shirt from the closet and went into the bathroom. She turned on the water and undressed from her skirt and shirt. Slipping into the shower she began to wash herself and make sure that she was clean. Her hair and her toned body. She worked out a lot now and was in excellent shape as evident to Junpei by the way she could pull him up off the floor now.

Finishing she grabbed a towel and dried herself off before she slipped her panties back on and Junpei's shirt. She buttoned the black long sleeve shirt up over her slim figure. She stepped out into the room again and sat on the bed.

"So what are we going to do now?" she asked brushing her hair out with her fingers.

[Junpei]

Feeling her leave and hearing her words he nodded slowly, almost like it was to good to be true. Was she... was she actually forgiving him? Maybe, but he wasn't 100% sure right now. Maybe he would find out later, but for now he was hungry and she was leaving, so food was the only logical answer. So he dug into breakfast and enjoyed every second of it.

So much, so little time, where the hell do we stand and where do we go from here. If she really did forgive me then where can we go from here now... who knows. I think I should have just screwed the family this time and stayed, stupid pacts, stupid life, stupid...

His thoughts trailed off when Phaedra came back out of the bathroom in only his black button shirt and her panties, sure he had seen her in less, but now... it got his blood boiling again. He gulped down whatever he was thinking and slowly got up, then moved and sat down next to her.

His right arm came out to wrap around her waist nd he pulled her into his side as he stared at the wall, not talking at first.

"I don't know Phaedra, where do you want to go? I won't be starting back into the classes for at least a week and I know you will. I'll be around here 24/7 so, whenever you need me, call me. I'm yours for the week."