Look who's back (Phae)

[Junpei]

His worn leather boots trapped across the stone floor of Arcane Academy. Months, it had been a month since he up and disappeared after a mission. Now, he was back, plain and simple. He wasn't the same man, he was... changed fundamentally. He had his reasons, reasons he couldn't possibly expect Phaedra to forgive him for. He had left because he had to take care of a family matter. He never told Phae, just left in the night without a word. His grandfather was dead. In the Taltos family there were secrets that even Phaedra would never know, one of those was a family members death was... painful for all those near them.

"She'll kill me, then mame me, then probably cry for an hour and chew me out... I deserve it now... after.. that..."

He rounded the corner, a familiar corner that lead straight to their... no HIS dorm room. She was gone, she hated him, she was out of his life, most likely hating him to death now... bes for her not to get involved in the Taltos family. His family was cursed, it was not his place to be so happy.

[Phae]

PHae hummed softly to herself as she exited Jun's dorm. It looked so empty there without her things and she had missed him terribly. But she had obviously not been important enough to stick around for nor tell her where he was going. He had left without warning while she was asleep one night and he hadn't returned since.

She was pissed. Beyond pissed and hurt more than he would ever know. She had only returned to the room that had brought tears to her eyes to grab a book of spells she wanted to borrow since he wasn't using it. Somewhere in there it had to have a nice suicide spell of some sort.

She was flipping through the pages when she heard boots in front of her and froze. She knew those footsteps. It might seem stupid that she remembered what his steps sounded like but how could she not after having loved him more deeply than ever imagined not to mention hearing him leave her the last time he did.

Looking up slowly the red heads blue eyes were wrought with tears as the book, his book, the dark arts book, fell from her hand with a resounding thud on the floor. Her eyes rolled back in her head as she collapsed awkwardly on top of the book she had dropped. Her denim skirt lay over her toned and pale legs. Her loose shirt from the weight she had lost again. Tears leaked out of her eyes.

[Junpei]

Junpei froze when she came out of his room, just ten feet away. Ten feet from being able to avoid her altogether, why now, why when he was this close? She of course collapsed like always. June flicked his wrist up and both her and the book stopped before they hit the ground. One of his oldest but effective spells. He moved forward, without even thinking he grabbed her up in his arms and slipped the book intoa pocket on his new wardrobe. Yes is new wardrobe and look, there was something to debate.

A new coat sat on his shoulders, a long black trench coat with large pockets. Along with this came a familiar black tee shirt. His slacks were still in place, although they were a bit longer, he had grown by about an inch. Go figure he hits a growth spurt while she's not there. Not he wasn't here, he had left. Ragged black hair and a layer of stubble across his cheeks and chin showed he probably hadn't shaved in a few days, more like week for Jun. He had continually been busy since he left Arcane, always doing so meting., it was probably the only thing that kept him sane.

Setting Phaedra down on his bed he rested her head on a pillow before sitting down next to her, feet on the floor elbows resting on his knees he let his face fall into his hands. He sat, thinking, waiting for her to wake up.

[Phae]

Phae began to stir and she felt.. more smelt the familiar room of Junpei. Tears rolled down her face as her eyes opened. Had he really come back. Had he? Could he have possibly come back now after all this time. He had missed so very much and now.. he probably didn't even love her anymore.

She looked at him without saying anything for some time. She didn't know what to do. Part of her wanted to kiss him and make love to him again. Show him that though she was more angry than he would ever know and close to suicide she still had loved him. Another part of her wanted to beat him up over and over again until he was in the hospital wing and then do it again. Twice she would do it because once he had left then promised NEVER to do it again and had anyway.

"You.. Promised.." she whispered before she clung to him.

Crying out and pummeling his back with her fist she clung to him as if she never wanted to let go. She cried hard her sobs shaking her thin body. Her hot tears running down and into the fabric of his jacket soaking it through.

How could he have done this to her. She had been told that she was the most precious thing in the world to him and he had dropped her as if she was yesterdays newspaper. She didn't know what to think but she knew there was no way he still loved her. How could he after a month a full month of no contact. He was lucky she hadn't died. She had people that cared too much for her now they wouldn't let her. And her sister kept her busy. But now.. now he was back and she didn't know what to do with herself.

Would her heart ever stop hurting. Could she forgive him. Could he still love her. She cried and slowly the beating on his back stopped as she just clung to him as if he was her life line her hands clenching his jacket.

[Junpei]

The crying, it always ripped his heart in two. Right down the middle this time, right where all of his love for her was, she ripped into it was the first punch on his back. His own eyes were teared, but he didn't dare cry right now, instead letting her pound away at his back and take what she wanted from him physically. He wouldn't be forgiven, not now, not after he broke THAT promise to her. He had other promises to, and as much as he loved her, oh god how he loved her, he was obligated by blood to do what he had done.

"He's gone Phaedra, my grandfather... he's gone Phae. That means... it means I'm now the head of the family, and it means that i have inherited all the magic from the previous families... I'm not the same."

Turning where he sat he let Phaedra fall into his chest, let her cry as much as she wanted as he sat there trying o figure out what to do. He had explained what had drawn him away, but not why he didn't tell her. He knew why, because although they were engaged, even if they were married she wouldn't have been allowed to know. It was something that only the heir could be around to see, and Junpei had just left without thinking. He had left her without a moments notice.

"I love you Phaedra, but... I understand that you can't forgive me... and it's... it's your choice whether or not you ill me for this..."

[Phae]

Phae gasped and stopped crying at the words that his grandfather had died. She had known how much the man had meant to him and she knew that it was important but damnit so was she. She listened softly as he pulled her into his chest. She moved quickly and climbed up into his lap the tears streaming down her face as her body still heaved slightly.

She listened as he told her that he still loved her. She almost laughed. How could she believe that now. How? She looked up at him her face the epitomy of agony and grief. She held his chin in her stronger hand as she forced him to look at her. The dark circles under her eyes. The thin body. The heartache in her eyes.

"Tell me.. do you really? Can you love me? Did you think about me at all during that damned month you were gone? Did you ever worry? Think about writing me a letter or anything? DAMNIT JUNPEI TALTOS I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD!!" she cried as she nuzzled into his chest again.

"You said you loved me and that you wouldn't leave me. You told me every day I was precious but HOW DAMNIT.. HOW!? could just leave me behind without a second thought or a damned not. FOR CHRISTS SAKE JUNPEI .. how was I not supposed to think you hated me for something.. for anything.. for.. not being enough for you." she whispered the last part and cried softly into his neck.

[Junpei]

He listened, not saying a word or objecting to anything she said. How could he, he had left after saying he wouldn't, broken her trust again. It was a love hate relationship and he knew it. She wouldn't be happy until his life came under control. He didn't know how long that would be, nor would he be able to give her a definite answer as to when they could settle down together. It was a horrible way to live and he was in a horrid mood now.

Listening to her finish he took a few breathes and thought about what to say to her. Ten long seconds passed before he opened his mouth and spoke. The same soft tone he always used when he was with her, he never yelled around her.

"I love you Phaedra Weiss, I thought about you every second of every hour of every day. I damn near went insane without you there. There is something... about my family I never told you because I never thought it would come up."

Taking another breath he continued, a bit louder now so she would hear clearly.

"I'm now the head of the family, which means all the magic of my family resides in me... which means that I'm officially going to have to take over the household.. which means Negi is my responsibility now. I had to set him up with family friends, and even if I wanted to contact you, I wasn't allowed by code. I know it seems stupid, but it's the way it's been forever. I'M sorry Phaedra, I can't ask you to forgive me, but understand that not once in that entire time, was there a moment I didn't curse my family code..."

[Phae]

Phae looked up at him as he began to explain. He wasn't touching her in anyway and it wasn't something she missed. She didn't know if he was afraid or not but he wasn't even trying to calm her by any touches at all. She slowly began to stop crying and she just sat there in his lap leaning against him.

He was now the head of his family but they had never talked about that and she didn't know what it meant. She stayed quiet and listened. She felt bad for Negi she had never met the kid but that didn't mean she didn't care for him as part of Jun's family and further more she had never got to meet the man responsible for raising such a wonderful person.

"But Jun, what does that mean for us? I mean if you.. are the head of your family and you couldn't even contact me. I mean IF I chose to come back to you what does that mean for us? Could we stil have a family? Can you .. if you wanted still marry me? Is all hope lost? Can you .. be with me?" she asked softly looking up into his eyes.

She bit her lower lip never had she been more nervous about a question in all her life. She didn't know what to do. She and Blacky had gotten close she really had to make decisions here and they were hard. But her heart though broken and bruised had never faltered in it's love for Junpei.

[Junpei]

Junpei listened and let out a sigh, his whole body seemed to somehow relax a bit, his arms now came to lightly hold her in place, not even a touch, more of something that let her know he was actually here and not just a figment of her imagination.

"It means Phaedra... that if you married me as I am... you'd be expected to come back to the states with me until Negi is 18. Then I can leave things to him and we can do whatever, that is IF you came back. I imagine you moved on huh?"

Junpei cringed a bit at his question, was she moving on? He couldn't blame her, couldn't do a thing to stop her.... he had failed her and himself. He would be lucky if she even saw him after this.

"Phaedra.. I can't blame you... for anything. I can only blame myself. But... I still want to have that family that I promised you so long ago... even if I'm undeserving of it. I still ant to spend the rest of my life making it up to you..."

[Phae]

His arms came around her and she closed her eyes. She listened as he spoke. She couldn't tell him right now how comforting it felt to be in his arms again. But what would she tell him about Blacky she didn't even know where she in Blacky stood right now because she hadn't gotten a chance to talk to him.

"There is someone.. that I think cares for me.. but I'm not sure. All I know is that when you left he hated you and took care of me. Keeping me busy and even letting me kick his butt in a sword fight. Though I won fair and square mind you." she smiled softly as she reached up and stroked the stubble on Jun's face.

"So yes.. and no. I began to live again, in the sense that the whole in my heart allowed me to leave my room. But for a long time I was hurt and I still am. Very hurt."

She moved slightly. Looking up at him she turned and straddled his lap looking into his eyes. She ran her hand over his face and through his hair very gently.

"I have to know.." she whispered.

She moved very quickly wrapping her arms around his neck she pressed her lips heatedly against his. She had to know. What would he do with the kiss. She needed to see his reaction to know what was going to happen. It would only help her decide.

[Junpei]

She had someone new... why wasn't he surprised? Someone was always there to sweep her off he feet when he was gone, always. He couldn't be mad though, he had deserved it, but deep down he was angry. Angry at himself and angry at this new guy who had appealed to wow her and steal her heart. Junpei had left a hole there that was to big to heal by himself, it had to be someone else. There would always be someone there for her and it wasn't him.. was it?

The sudden action of her straddling his waist had him reeling, his arms tightened around her before he could stop himself from doing it. Then she said the words he hadn't expected to come before a kiss, she had to know what? He got his answer when her lips pressed to his in that kiss.

A month was to long to wait for this, he didn't expect this, not now, not ever again. It felt like he had never kissed her before, it felt like a first kiss, but it was passionate and almost needy. Junpei pressed back, unable to stop himself from pulling his ex-lover closer to him and kiss her with just as much force as she was giving him. He broke it only to whisper.

"I'm so sorry Phaedra, I'm so sorry I left, I can't let you forgive me, please let me spend the rest of eternity making it up to you."

[Phae]

Phae felt him return the kiss and it was like they had never kissed before. Such spark. Such electricity between them everything seemed to melt away while they kissed each other like it was the last moment they would ever share in the world. She moaned softly when it broke she felt such passion and desire she didn't know what else she could do she was trying not to let it show but the moment she looked up into Junpei's eyes she knew that he would see how badly that she needed him in her life.

"Junpei Taltos, I cannot forgive you just yet for breaking me. But as I rebuild myself I will come back stronger. But I swear should I put myself back in your arms and you do this to me I will hunt you down and kill you myself before I peirce my heart right through the hole you open when you leave me." she whispered softly.

"Jun, I've never once in my life stopped loving you. But right now I .. don't know that I can trust you. If I put myself back into your arms you will have to earn it back." she whispered softly.

He had never truly healed her from before and even now she rarely ate and she had sworn off of meat all together for her own reasons and a certain class she had attended.

"Jun, if you could do anything right this minute what would it be?" she asked whispering softly as she carressed his cheek with her hand running her thumb over his stubble.

[Junpei]

He listened intently as she spoke about what would happen now. About how she couldn't trust him just yet and how she would need her time and he would have to earn her back, He didn't like the idea of earning her back, he would like to think of it more as regaining her trust and true love. Either way he knew it would be slow, and deliberate, and that he would have to show her that he wasn't going to leave...for anything this time.

"I completely understand Phaedra."

He managed to slip out before a question hit him. It was a tuffy to, no real answer from his point of view. He would love to o everything right at this point. He would love to be able to go back and prevent any of this from happening, to prevent his parents death, to let everything be as it should... maybe this is how it should be though, maybe it was their test. If they could survive this what couldn't they survive?

"One thing i could do right... there's nothing I can do to make this alright Phaedra, but if I could make one thing right in the world it would be never letting it come to this. I just wish I could prevent this, could have prevented everything. No, there is one thing I want to be right, I want you to be happy Phaedra, because it's what you deserve. I've been a pretty horrible Fiance' haven't I?"

[Phae]

Phae listened as she sat in his lap still straddling him from earlier. She leaned in and hugged him just sitting there with him once more. Her head lay on his shoulder. But that kiss. There had been something there and she couldn't help but wonder if it was still the same as before. But right now she needed time. She couldn't bring herself to just come back into this relationship like nothing had ever happened.

"For the most part you were fantastic. Protective, posessive, romantic, sweet. But after that one time that you left we've never been right and I haven't healed. Only Blacky, the guy, has been helping me lately. Making me eat and making me sleep. He watches out for me. I had to move out of this room because, every time I came here I cried all night and I could never sleep. I had to leave this place because you left me and the whole only became bigger and more jagged when I came in here." she confided in him.

"It is going to take time. But can you wait for me? I.. don't know what will happen but I'll try not to let you hang. I love you Junpei I do, I always have, and I know I always will. We admitted it so fast in our relationship but never once did I not mean it. But trust is something you've lost and that is important to me." she whispered softly.

She looked up at him and needed to feel him again. She leaned forward and kissed him sensually this time. Her lips not wanting to leave his right now as she cupped his cheek wondering... still wondering if this was wrong. But she had to test him and she had to know.

[Junpei]

He was becoming a very good listener with her, hell he always was with her. He respected, loved, cherished, and worshiped her. One thing that he didn't have for her though was hate, malice, or anger. He couldn't hate her or be angry with her in any way, and she was his world now. Negi could take care of himself, hell Junpei might just let the boy stay with his new family, just come visit over summer break ad what not. Phaedra was what he wanted and needed now. What he desired and craved constantly.

"Of course I can wait for you, how could I not ?"

He did;t dare kiss her now, she would dictate everything from here on out. How fast they came together again, how much she let him in, how often she saw him. He wouldn't actively seek her out, not yet.

Then she kissed him again and he was back in heaven for a few seconds, Just a few, it wasn't needy like before but one that showed just how much they loved each other, like there was nothing else there, nothing but them. He leaned back into the kiss and slowly pushed her back a bit, allowing her to have a little less control but not pressing his luck. He broke it a few scant seconds later and opened his eyes, trying not to test his luck.

"Phaedra Weiss.... I made the Biggest mistake of my life when I thought leaving was a good idea. I'm so sorry."